Poor soul having to manage his own childcare...

The pessimist in me thinks that would have been to avoid child maintenance. I'd expect that an equal parent would have already had to make adjustments for childcare prior to separation. It sounds like thinking about childcare is brand new to this man.

DH was a very hands on dad when DC were young, but I was a SAHM so very few worries about childcare. If we had split and we had gone 50;50 he would have had to change his working pattern to accommodate school runs as normally I did them, or sort something out. But outside work hours he was a very present dad

Totally agree with that!

Well now (depending on the exact breakdown of days) he has half the week with no childcare whatsoever so he has plenty of time free to do all sorts, doesn't he?

I wonder if his ex is finding she can make more, or fewer, work commitments now? It would be very revealing to know.

Good for him for making it work even though it’s hard. At least you acknowledge you are being unreasonable.

I think the reason my DH and I remained married during some really difficult times (SEN kids, work pressure etc) is for the same reason - he realised he could not possibly manage his career and expect to have a relationship or even a life with our kids. Strangely this was probably one of the things that saved us, as I realised that HE realised who i was and what I did to facilitate his life and ensure his kids got what they needed. He is my biggest fan and a very engaged father as a result - and a brilliant manager, I understand, as he actively supports all staff with childcare and extended family issues.

of course he will have to change things and find new routines like we all would regardless of seniority

my guess is you just don’t like him

The word schadenfreude wouldn't exist if it wasn't fairly commonplace for people to feel like this.

And perhaps he didn't behave like he was part of a team.

What was he like before with parents, especially single ones, who needed flexibility and a bit of understanding?

Oh I agree with you. His is having to do more now.

Maybe hi wife worked more child friendly hours so could pick up the kids while he was working.
Hes probably still trying to navigate being a single parent whereas previously he was part of a team.
I wonder what he would think about a baying mob of screeching harridans sneering at him because he, like his ex wife, and his kids are trying to find their way round their new lives?
Bitchy, sneery and totally uncalled for

Hilarious. My youngest is 18 and I was thinking the other day (as it’s my last school run ever after 28yrs) that I can count on hand the number of school runs my ex did when he had to get to work too. Yes he did some when he was between his overseas jobs, but the majority of the time he did school run was when he had nowhere else to rush off too. I’ve become good at dialling into meetings on work phone when driving, juggling everything as teen DD is not in great health so has needed taking and picking up from school much longer than I ever planned.

I don’t think they appreciate the effect it has on your career having to leave early, say no to travel etc. I had no family to help either. I know one single dad who has to do what I do, as their mum isn’t involved bar an odd phone call. Otherwise it’s women who end up bearing the brunt of everything child related and therefore having an impact on their pay, their pension, everything. My ex actually does acknowledge this and has offered to top up my pension (we were not married) and does tell the kids how much i’ve done for them. But i’d have rather had some help!

Well I guess if you are just money oriented rather than happiness oriented you would think differnt

I think it's very difficult to measure these thing objectively.

If one parent is a teacher and another is a banker, should the teacher be doing much more childcare and housework because their salary is significantly lower? (Perhaps during school holidays, but what about during term time?)

What if the higher-paid job is actually less stressful? What if one partner chooses to take a job that involves a long commute? Etc.

I think the point is that the senior man now understands why sometimes people are not around at 7pm on a Friday evening to double check the report

I’m not sure what your point is.

A male colleague is going through a separation and has opted for 50/50, so inevitably he’ll have to make some changes. As we all would in those circumstances.

If DH and I split, I’d also have to make some changes, as would he.

Think I will blow your mind

i earned more and did more of the unpaid labour because I also worked less hours so we both had equal downtime

earning more doesn’t entitle you to an easy life if you chose to get married and have kids

It's very different being a parent with 2 in the house and clearly he wasn't doing an equal share of parenting. The thing we don't know is was his partner doing an equal share of financial providing alongside the childcare

is that irony? Someone making an assumption you are making an assumption?
or just bitchy ?

I hope this sets a standard in your workforce OP & Mr Big Job champions flexible working etc.

The only way things will get better in the workforce for women is when men actually bloody step up.

Not necessarily.
It maybe that he did nothing whilst married.
Or he did 50-50 but is moving to another area and needs to sort out childcare for there.
Who knows? OP - do you?

Exactly. And yes, quite.

I'm with you OP

I think the point is that he clearly wasn't very involved with his kids before, and now it's all a big shock to his system.

If my husband and I split and we did 50-50, no one would notice a difference in terms of efforts he makes, because he mucks in equally anyway.