Poor soul having to manage his own childcare...

I'm sorry you went through that. I am also not gloating, I think you are projecting your own issues. Nor am I being smug before you move onto that line of attack, I am being factual about my own experiences. I was referring to an inital post about 'men only wanting 50:50 so they didnt have to pay cms' which is ridiculous. And subsequent posts saying 'how all men are shit and maybe one or two are not' - also ridiculous. This has taken quite a nosedive into domestic abuse which is quite a separate issue altogether. And typically vulnerable women are the most likely to fall into these types of relationships, sadly.

I am genuinely glad that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.

You are gloating. And yes, you just got lucky. I did all that you did and had no concerns, life was perfect. Didnt stop my ex starting to abuse me after our DD was born, having shown no signs of this before. Didnt stop him cheating on me (although I later found he had been doing that all along, but was a past master so was an expert on hiding it) and having no qualms about me finding out.

I was his first and only wife, so no ex to compare notes with.

ETA perhaps you are just ignorant so allow me to help you learn.....

https://www.oasisdaservice.org/why-does-30-of-all-domestic-abuse-begin-in-pregnancy/

Not necessarily.
It maybe that he did nothing whilst married.
Or he did 50-50 but is moving to another area and needs to sort out childcare for there.
Who knows? OP - do you?

Interestingly, my parents have a terrible marriage but have been great parents. I am very grateful for the sense of self worth they instilled. And I agree with you in that one's environment and socio-economic background influences our choices in partners to a point...but beyond that women need take accountability for their own choices. To blame their backgrounds or upbringing is probably quite offensive to many of these women. The signs were always there.

Interestingly, my parents have a terrible marriage but have been great parents. I am very grateful for the sense of self worth they instilled. And I agree with you in that one's environment and socio-economic background influences our choices in partners to a point...but beyond that women need take accountability for their own choices. To blame their backgrounds or upbringing is probably quite offensive to many of these women. The signs were always there.

It’s actually not. Not at 20. Yes by 40. You had a very privileged upbringing if you were given the tools to spot all red flags. Also, society teaches many girls that marriage, any marriage, is success. I am doing my absolute best to make sure my daughters know their value. Maybe be grateful for the shark cage you were given.

Sorry but you've clearly only ever encountered crap men.

You are gloating. And yes, you just got lucky. I did all that you did and had no concerns, life was perfect. Didnt stop my ex starting to abuse me after our DD was born, having shown no signs of this before. Didnt stop him cheating on me (although I later found he had been doing that all along, but was a past master so was an expert on hiding it) and having no qualms about me finding out.

I was his first and only wife, so no ex to compare notes with.

ETA perhaps you are just ignorant so allow me to help you learn.....

https://www.oasisdaservice.org/why-does-30-of-all-domestic-abuse-begin-in-pregnancy/

I think the point is that he clearly wasn't very involved with his kids before, and now it's all a big shock to his system.

If my husband and I split and we did 50-50, no one would notice a difference in terms of efforts he makes, because he mucks in equally anyway.

Absolutely this. The numbers of women I'm encountering at 50+ who are leaving marriages because their DHs did fuck all is astonishing. It's around half the women I know. We've all had enough.

All the protesting going on here? Protecting the male species as if they're a maligned marginalised interest group. WTF??

The stats show just how bad women have it:

Less pay
Less promotions
More likely to take a career break than men
More like to take a sick day to look after the kids
Much more likely to do at least 50% of the household chores and childcare, usually much higher numbers
More likely to be left, by 6 times to 1, if they have a terminal illness or need full time care, whereas the opposite number for women, is 5 to 1 the other way around
More like for women to look after elderly relatives

It's always us: caregiving on all fronts. Men not so much.

It's a delight when the penny finally drops OP. You are right to have your gleeful moment where the fucker realises just how easy he's had it up until now.

All this faux standing up for men. Will you all stop clutching your 1950s pearls please and just call a spade a spade.

It's very different being a parent with 2 in the house and clearly he wasn't doing an equal share of parenting. The thing we don't know is was his partner doing an equal share of financial providing alongside the childcare

I'm not gloating. Yes I am well aware there are plenty of crap men around and it blows my mind that there are such surprises so shortly after giving birth. It's devastating. We didn't get lucky thanks - we made well intentioned choices based on their character/education/profession/how they spoke about exes/their friendships/how they treated people day to day/family values/upbringing, the list goes on. Yes we all have high standards (as every woman should but clearly do not) and absolutely wouldn't accept anything less to begin with.

I totally disagree. Almost every post on here where someone’s moaning about doing evening after having children they say “well I did most of the housework/ food shops/ cooking before but it didn’t bother me”.
There’s another one on the go right now.

Very, very rarely is someone an excellent, engaged, involved partner before and then turns into a loser upon birth. They were always a loser, some women are just too focused on their end game to acknowledge it.

I think what the original poster was getting at was the realization from someone in a senior role about the mental and physical time needed to care for children, now that he actually has to be engaged in this part of his life.

So many men leave all the organizing for the women partners, then scoff at working women when they need to leave work early, or take calls from school. Women have to sometimes make career choices (or deny them) because of their role as the main family childminder.

I hope the senior manager wakes up to the reality of being a true working parent, and is mindful of others when need be.

To be fair, the word doesn’t exist in English, we had to import it from another language so it’s not so common we needed to develop our own word for it.

Yes, it does!

To be fair, the word doesn’t exist in English, we had to import it from another language so it’s not so common we needed to develop our own word for it.

To be fair, the word doesn’t exist in English, we had to import it from another language so it’s not so common we needed to develop our own word for it.