Poor soul having to manage his own childcare...

I know IAB and I'm sure his current situation is difficult and painful, but in the last week I've been in two meetings with a very senjor man who manages a large workforce, and who is going through a separation. They've gone for 50/50 and there are soooo many things he can't possibly do, that he used to do, because childcare.

It's like watching a cartoon lightbulb moment.

Depends on the street maybe. It's certainly not my experience. All my school and university friends chosen well too. Don't procreate with shit men, it's easy!

I assume OPs take here is not that she’s excited that he’s suddenly struggling, it’s that up until now he has not had much respect for the limitations on parents’ time with respect to work commitments? And now he’s finally actually having to make compromises because he’s in a care giving role it’s like he’s inventing the wheel by working but not being able to contribute in the way he would like to…?

I think you’re reaching. Circumstantial evidence suggests otherwise.

Hahaha! Have you heard of sarcasm? I was probing to find out the relevance of her reference to their various degrees and money with respect to finding a decent partner?

Well it's absolutely true.

Are you saying that oxbridge degrees are golden tickets to finding kind well adjusted men?

She's clearly saying they're not, having given an example to the contrary, and I do have to wonder what kind of Oxbridge graduate could misread it so spectacularly... while lecturing people on spotting the far more covert signs of future behaviour in unknown circumstances. You can see the future but you couldn't follow that simple post?

Awful! Are you saying that oxbridge degrees are golden tickets to finding kind well adjusted men? I have an oxbridge degree, as does my husband. I don't think this it what it means though. There are crap men in all walks of life but also good ones. However, I am certain that in most cases, the signs were always there.

Awful! Are you saying that oxbridge degrees are golden tickets to finding kind well adjusted men? I have an oxbridge degree, as does my husband. I don't think this it what it means though. There are crap men in all walks of life but also good ones. However, I am certain that in most cases, the signs were always there.

My Cambridge grad friend divorced her £million earning Oxford grad dreamy buff bodied bloke who went totally crazy when the kids came along. He was no longer the only focus. On paper he’s perfect. In life even the kids are realising he’s a bit of a cunt…. Oh he only ever puts them first blah blah.

Not all men show their hand.

It tells me that many women on mumsnet are bitter about their own life choices and cannot stand it when another woman has done well for themselves or chosen well and happily expresses it.

It tells me that many women on mumsnet are bitter about their own life choices and cannot stand it when another woman has done well for themselves or chosen well and happily expresses it.

It tells me that many women on mumsnet are bitter about their own life choices and cannot stand it when another woman has done well for themselves or chosen well and happily expresses it.

Wow you’ve said vulnerable women go into these relationships what a crock of shit you’re spouting.

I didnt call you smug, but someone else did. What does that tell you?

And as I said, I am genuinely glad that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about when you say "dont marry shit men!"

This is the point, isn’t it?

He is unable to do elements of his job that he did before whilst doing 50:50 childcare. Which means he clearly wasn’t doing 50% if the care for his children before, in the marriage.

Which means his former partner, possibly also whilst working or wanting to work, was doing more than 50%. So massively more encumbered than he is now.

You are gloating. And yes, you just got lucky. I did all that you did and had no concerns, life was perfect. Didnt stop my ex starting to abuse me after our DD was born, having shown no signs of this before. Didnt stop him cheating on me (although I later found he had been doing that all along, but was a past master so was an expert on hiding it) and having no qualms about me finding out.

I was his first and only wife, so no ex to compare notes with.

ETA perhaps you are just ignorant so allow me to help you learn.....

https://www.oasisdaservice.org/why-does-30-of-all-domestic-abuse-begin-in-pregnancy/

I'm sorry you went through that. I am also not gloating, I think you are projecting your own issues. Nor am I being smug before you move onto that line of attack, I am being factual about my own experiences. I was referring to an inital post about 'men only wanting 50:50 so they didnt have to pay cms' which is ridiculous. And subsequent posts saying 'how all men are shit and maybe one or two are not' - also ridiculous. This has taken quite a nosedive into domestic abuse which is quite a separate issue altogether. And typically vulnerable women are the most likely to fall into these types of relationships, sadly.

I'm sorry you went through that. I am also not gloating, I think you are projecting your own issues. Nor am I being smug before you move onto that line of attack, I am being factual about my own experiences. I was referring to an inital post about 'men only wanting 50:50 so they didnt have to pay cms' which is ridiculous. And subsequent posts saying 'how all men are shit and maybe one or two are not' - also ridiculous. This has taken quite a nosedive into domestic abuse which is quite a separate issue altogether. And typically vulnerable women are the most likely to fall into these types of relationships, sadly.