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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel anxious after requesting a Clare's Law disclosure?

55 replies

Yournextdoorfriend · 17/06/2026 15:39

Hi all,
I met someone online on a dating app a few months ago. In a different town we message/talk regularly. More like friends right now but we get on. Will see how things go if anywhere. More my call if anything. He mentioned he had a voluntary restraining order at the start - I asked why his marriage ended, what his reasons were, what his partners reasons would be. He has the 2 of the 3 children who are boys the daughter lives with the mum. According to him he asked for a non molestaiom order for himself to counteract the allegations his ex wife was making and to stop any more being made. Yes I know tale as old as time in reflection. I didn't really think to question it, have had no reason to question anything about his character since - have met several times. The only reason I even considered making a CLR was curiosity to see how it worked. I have since had a phone call asking to meet me to discuss.
im anxious even though i knew it would be this if he was telling the truth. I dnt know how to feel.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yournextdoorfriend · 17/06/2026 17:01

As I didn't apply when he told me his version- I applied 3 months after I met him just to see if I wanted to take it further what the results would be. I don't live with him and we live in a different town. The CL didn't ask for much information - I didn't even have his correct DOB I guessed it based on what he told me. I didn't apply because of any red flags more to ensure what he said was consistent as I have a rubbish record of ignoring red flags historically. However I don't have the gut feeling to apply more so because he had told me there was police involvement. I feel like I'm looking for reasons. I did initially ask him if I did the CL what would come back and he said similar to what he told me previously.

OP posts:
ExplodingSmittens · 17/06/2026 16:16

You have to provide pretty conclusive evidence to get a Non-Molestation Order. As far as I’m aware, applying for you for yourself is not a thing.

Blimms · 17/06/2026 16:04

Just to add, if you’re at a point where you have to make an application the relationship is doomed.

I’m very suprised you were allowed to make the application because you just wanted to see how it works. You generally have to provide reasons to the police and it’s designed to ask about romantic partners, not people you are just friends with

Blimms · 17/06/2026 16:01

I don’t think a voluntary restraining order is a thing.

I made an application and they actually came out to my house. There was nothing to disclose. A phone call doesn't mean anything.

Violet76 · 17/06/2026 15:54

To the best of my knowledge there is no such thing as a voluntary restraining order in the UK. However people can make voluntary undertakings in the family court.