AIBU to feel anxious after requesting a Clare's Law disclosure?

The said a voluntary restraining order. That can be a promise to stay away from the other person. If you violate that, it works as evidence for a non-molestation order.

The OP hasn’t said that he has signed an Undertaking though. What’s she’s said is that he has a Restraining Order against him.

Goodness me, don’t speak to his ex, don’t speak to him, be done with it.
At the very least, join the Burned Haystack fb group to strengthen your boundaries and get confident around red flags, and definitely consider taking the Freedom Programme.

It's called an undertaking

I’ve just read you’re opening post again @Yournextdoorfriendand the last sentence is a little baffling.

He did tell you the truth when he told you that he had a Non-Molestation Order. As PPs have said he did this to test your boundaries.

Lots of Women on hearing this would make their excuses shortly after and leave and then block him on everything.

The fact that you haven’t means that you’re ignoring red flags and don’t have boundaries to protect yourself and that’s just what abusive men like.

I can almost guarantee that saying he has a Non-Molestation Order is the only truth he’s told you and he hasn’t even told you the truth about how that came into place. There is no such thing as a voluntary Non-Mol. As many posters have said, has has the Non-Mol because he poses a serious risk of harm to his ex.

Whatever you do, do not mention that it was the fact that he told you he has a Non-Mol that triggered you to do a Clare’s Law request. He will just learn to not tell Women on the future and will become better at pretending to be a decent human being.

And definitely don’t mention that you’ve done a request or ask to speak to his ex, you are putting her in real danger.

I’ll hoping that the information from the Police will be enough for you to end the relationship but I fear from your posts on this thread that you are convinced by his lies and will stay.

Keep posting on here about what you decide and how you’re getting on if you can, hopefully it will help to protect you.

Do you genuinely need me to answer that question?

I thought you had to be in a romantic relationship with or an ex of someone to submit a CLR? You're not in a relationship and never were. I'm surprised you were allowed to do one to "see how it works" and also that you want to contact his previous victim if it comes to fruition.

(I know you can submit on behalf of friends too)

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5528471-aibu-to-feel-scared-ahead-of-a-clares-law-disclosure-call?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share similar thread

How does it protect women? it advises if there is a record only

Stand a chance at what? Getting away with pretending to be decent men? Are you sad that women are better able to protect themselves from abusive men?

Care to elaborate??

Men don't stand a chance these days, it's completely ridiculous!

He is not a safe man. He has a restraining order, a non-mol.

Claire's law will tell you what you already know. No excuses matter. You already have all the facts you need.

He's dangerous. And you can absolutely do better.

A voluntary restraining order does not exist.
A restraining order is put in place when there is a high risk of harm.
Leopards don’t change their spots OP…they just move on to the their next victim.
You should run for the hills regardless of what the police say in response to your Clare’s law application.

If you cant work out why this relationship is a bad idea yourself in the first place STOP DATING

Exactly. Ask yourself why someone would voluntarily tell you they have a non-molestation order against them, OP. They’re screening you. When you don’t immediately say ‘We’re done here’, they know they’ve found someone gullible.

I agree with this. No matter what the Police tell you, you need to end the relationship and have some time away from dating whilst you figure out what it is that you want and why you don’t back away from Men with serious red flags.

Saaame !
surely you would run and never look back

The 3rd story? Are you ok?!!!
hes clearly a walking red flag. You can tell cos he can’t see one of his children. You realky didnt need CL for this. You throw ppl like this back in the pond. The fact that you’re not even considering this is baffling. Stop waisting resources by making CL applications with no intention of following through.

.

Baffled by this thread.

Look at his childcare situation...
He has the 2 of the 3 children who are boys the daughter lives with the mum.
So far so (ab)normal.

His "voluntary" restraining order....

He'd have been dumped long before a clares law.

And now it comes back you want to have a nice big chat??? And do more "information gathering" and consensus build.....

It defies belief....

What do you need?

film footage showing him abusing his ex?
the extended version so you can see she didnt "provoke" him.amd "make him".

Did you ever stop to consider the fact that by insisting on talking to his ex (via him) for a "3rd opinion" you are potentially putting HER in danger through your willful disbelief of your own reality????

I agree with this. What's the point in carrying on?

Firstly, he doesn't get to 'let' you speak to anyone.

Secondly, why on earth do you think this woman is going to want to be dragged into her ex's dating scene?

Leave the woman alone and work it out for yourself.

You know the process and rules are on the police website surely?

You are not allowed to tell anyone
imagine the danger you could put her in if he found out

it’s a really serious process, not Only because of the privacy breach, but because you couLd put yourself and other victims in an incredibly dangerous position. Do you think abusive men wouldn’t mind?? They would go ballistic, he may not even know about exes talking to the police, it shows all complaints, not just convictions