AIBU to question adoption checks after this safeguarding failure?

And therein is why prospective numbers are falling off a cliff and there are 3,000 children in England having a long wait for their forever homes. Altruism is not a strategy that is serving adoption agencies well. It’s okay to say that the reason that you go into adoption is because you want to be a parent. There is nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.

Poor baby ❤️

As far as has been reporting there were no concerns while he was teaching

My adoption checks included employment references.

They can only act on information available at the time. Lots of stuff looks suspicious in hindsight but isnt a valid reason to decline adopters.

Things ive seen over the last couple of threads raised as red flags include looking too clean, being a teacher, they house being too clean/instagrammy, spending too much time with kids, babysitting for friends/family too much and now being promoted too quickly

Realistically how would anyone get declined for those things?

Ive got no idea what if anything was missed, what there was to find before they adopted him

Women kill or sexually assault children at far lower rates than men

Men are far more likely to murder children, despite providing far less childcare on average.

According to the statistics for Australia, from 2010 to 2018: "Sixty-eight per cent of these [filicide] cases were murders committed by the child's father, compared with 32 per cent by the child's mother."

How could it be wrong in this instance?

The pathologist was wrong and the injuries didn't exist?

That the child was abused but that it was some mystery person?

That he wasnt in possession of the indecent images?

Of course it is. I never said otherwise. But adoption agencies are primarily concerned with finding homes for children, not children for prospective parents.

There will be a lot more on this to come out. There always is. Wait for the safeguarding revelations to start coming out from the school/parents. So yes they absolutely should have been looked into more and why weren’t they?

one thing I have seen a few times in the press was:”He started as a technician in the design and technology department and by 2023 he was a qualified teacher, promoted to head of year” smacks of working somewhere to be around kids then working his way up but unclear as seems an unusual route to become a teacher and a head of year so fast.

Of course same sex couples are more likely to adopt - THEY CAN'T HAVE KIDS!

No adoptee would get through the process if they had any previous convictions so what exactly are you suggesting?

What extra checks could possibly be done to show someone with no history of abuse as a possible future abuser?

How many women harm and kill children?

I don't believe that a normal man who adopted a baby with the intention of being a good father could just - whoops - slide into unrelentingly and violently orally and anally raping him within weeks (days?) of adoption, and frankly I'm horrified and bewildered that you do.

While it would still be horrific, I would understand anger, sleep deprivation, and being overwhelmed leading him to shake, hit, or neglect the child in such a way that it led to his death - but repeatedly and sadistically raping a baby is not something that a person gets into a 'habit' of doing because they're stressed and want dominance.

I think he absolutely was a sadist with paedophiliac tendencies before this, even if he'd had the self control to never indulge his tendencies before.

I have been tired and frustrated raising 3 children. At no point was I did this frustration tempt me to sexually assault them or even think about it. Its unthinkable
That's a special kind of evil. Yes evil.

Good intentions do not mutate into violent sexual assault in the face of the challenges of raising a baby. Not in anybody normal.

Men are a risk. They are a risk to women. They are a risk to children.
Placing a child in a home with 2 male carers is doubling that risk.

Genuinely, as an adopter of two decades now, I would be highly suspicious of prospective adopters who were embarking on this journey in order to do good and to ‘save’ a child. It’s okay for adopters to say they want to become parents.

I said primarily.

Genuinely, what do you think is in it for we adopters then? We are not martyrs. We are people who are prepared to love the children we did not grow or birth. We are not paid - unlike foster carers - and we commit legally for life.

Yes it was a tragedy but people have sex and become pregnant all the time and people also move in unsuitable step parent sin all the time, unless constant checks are done on everyone which is impossible children are contsantly at risk of harm

all the check in the world would only check what is recorded ie there is a history, sure background checks and doing phychological tests may make people feel they can sleep better on a night but wouldn't people just get better at hiding their intentions

A great tick boxing excercise and no I dont have the answers but like people who think Claire's Law protects by thinking it is clear so all is good, means nothing

I agree that adoption is there primarily to find safe loving homes who need them, rather than to fulfil the desires of would be adopters.

I disagree with your comment that the desire to become parents is equally valid to the child’s need. How can it be? It is a desire, while the child’s need for a safe and loving family is the most basic and fundamental need a human can have. We don’t need to become parents, but wish to.

But agree with you about our adoption system being far from perfect, but it being the best option we have available for kids who’s parents can’t care for them.

Being infertile doesn’t necessarily make you the best person to be an adoptive parent either. I don’t think the vetting procedure should be any easier for infertile couples and I say that as an infertile woman.

What is chilling is to think that must have gone through that process in order to abuse a child! That is truly sick and calculating on another level!

it’s scary that people can fall through the cracks and say the right things to pass checks which from other couples who have adopted say are quite rigorous and gruelling.

also the post adoption visits, what was said or witnessed by professionals then. I don’t want to blame them for missing things but the young baby wasn’t with the couple for long. It would be interesting to see the social workers didn’t go with their gut in case of being called homophobic etc.

As although OP has had some stick there is still some of this fear of being labelled racist or homophobic which has caused major events to be missed or swept under the carpet.

@myonly
I've just seen your last post. I think you were very brave to post that.
It probably won't be a popular take on what's happened but a hugely valuable perspective. We will probably never know the truth.

Look after yourself - you are clearly giving this a lot of thought and I understand why. But protect yourself

I haven’t followed it all that closely, to be honest. I have followed it but not in great depth and certainly haven’t dwelled on the injuries or the abuse.

I have considered that he may be innocent, of course, but I have to trust the judicial system. It’s been wrong before, though.

@myonly

I think you may be struggling to come to terms with the person you knew with the person you now know has committed the worst of crimes.

Most people think of child abusers as monsters with 2 heads, that somehow you can pick them out in a crowd. Because it must be obvious surely.
But of course its not obvious, and we can't pick them out in a crowd. And sometimes they will be our neighbours, or someone we have worked with, or knew from down the pub or the gym or whatever. And that's hard.

Its understandable that you will have followed this closely.

But I'd suggest you maybe take a step back from it.
I attended a foster carers training course where we were given a lot of information about some of the highest profile cases in recent years. We weren't given information that wasn't in the public domain, but you would have to have dug deep into the serious case reviews.
I'm not sure it what that achieved really, it certainly didnt help my own mental health.

This is my line of thinking.