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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to move again?

39 replies

No2XW · 17/06/2026 13:47

Name changed for this because I don’t want to be identified.

DH has two kids with his XW, 13 and 10. We have DC 4 and 1. I met him when SC were 2 and 5, we now live 1hr apart and have them EOWE, Wednesday nights and most of the school holidays.

Shortly after we met XW said she was moving a significant distance away from us to be closer to family. DH (DP then) and I agreed to move closer. She then did it again and again we moved closer (cost us 25k to move and changes of jobs). We’ve been in our current locations for 2 years and DC1 is due to start school in Sept. We are happy and settled here with good friends and some family nearby.

XW has now said she’s moving back to a previous location (it’s a four hour drive from our current location) and that SC want to move because they want to come with her.

AIBU to refuse to move again? DH is devastated.

OP posts:
Original poster
No2XW · 17/06/2026 14:26

HoppingPavlova · 17/06/2026 14:23

@Monty36 It cannot be so that she can effectively come between your husband and his children by moving house so often. Your husband must be able to get a Court action to stop her doing this again

My understanding is that a court cannot/ will not stop anyone from moving. What they can/will do is stop the children from moving. However, this seems different in that the children are of an age where the court will take their wishes into consideration should they want to move.

Exactly. Whether they go with their mum or move in with us, they’d need to change school as we’re an hour away. They’re choosing to go with their mum and are very emotionally bonded with her.

I’m just not doing it again. I feel awful for DH because it probably means he won’t get to see SC often but me and DC are settled here.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/06/2026 14:26

You can still get a prohibitive steps order to stop her removing them from school?

It may only delay things but are they not at a critical point in their schooling?

HoppingPavlova · 17/06/2026 14:23

@Monty36 It cannot be so that she can effectively come between your husband and his children by moving house so often. Your husband must be able to get a Court action to stop her doing this again

My understanding is that a court cannot/ will not stop anyone from moving. What they can/will do is stop the children from moving. However, this seems different in that the children are of an age where the court will take their wishes into consideration should they want to move.

Original poster
No2XW · 17/06/2026 14:22

appleberryhandcream · 17/06/2026 14:17

What are her reasons for moving. Is she definitely doing it? Or just creating drama / flaunting her control?

Yes, they’re moving this weekend. She’s only told us as one of the SC let it slip. They’ve only known a week apparently.

OP posts:
Monty36 · 17/06/2026 14:20

I would go to a Solicitor that specialises in family law. The law society website will show which ones local to you have an accreditation for it. ie. They are good at this particular field.
It cannot be so that she can effectively come between your husband and his children by moving house so often. Your husband must be able to get a Court action to stop her doing this again.
I would get a second opinion. This is too important not to do so.

appleberryhandcream · 17/06/2026 14:17

What are her reasons for moving. Is she definitely doing it? Or just creating drama / flaunting her control?

whattheysay · 17/06/2026 14:13

I’m surprised the 13 year old wants to move as they’d have to move schools but maybe they don’t mind. Has he asked them what they about moving?
Ultimately if he wants to live to be near them which is understandable, you’ll have to decide if you want to uproot your children again and move with him.

Original poster
No2XW · 17/06/2026 13:56

NotDarkGothicMama · 17/06/2026 13:53

The one who moves is the one who needs to do the transport IMO. Make it her problem.

"Ok ExW, thanks for letting me know. Our usual arrangement on Wednesdays obviously won't work but let's work out a time you will bring DC up and collect again on the weekends."

She has form for making it our problem - mysterious injuries which mean she can’t drive, children being “too ill to travel” when they have colds, cars being in the garage or not replaced. If the children have a party or something they want to go to then she’ll make up lies and make them complicit. It’s a mess…

At the moment, SC can use public transport to come to us but that wouldn’t be possible if they move back as it’s 5-6hrs and would involve four trains and a bus.

OP posts:
NotDarkGothicMama · 17/06/2026 13:53

The one who moves is the one who needs to do the transport IMO. Make it her problem.

"Ok ExW, thanks for letting me know. Our usual arrangement on Wednesdays obviously won't work but let's work out a time you will bring DC up and collect again on the weekends."

CharlotteStreetW1 · 17/06/2026 13:51

YANBU because who's to say she won't do it again.

(And let her solve the issue of child transport.)

Original poster
No2XW · 17/06/2026 13:50

Holdonforsummer · 17/06/2026 13:49

Crikey! You have done more than enough. Put your foot (feet) down and stop moving just to please her. In fact, can’t you try and block her from moving again?

DH has been speaking to solicitors all morning and doesn’t think so because they’re (almost) both over 11, so their opinion would be counted.

SC probably won’t opt to live with us as we’re the house with rules.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/06/2026 13:50

Absolutely not. Fucking ridiculous. He should get a court order to stop her moving. I can see why he’s devastated but he’s set a stupid precedent but following her around like she’s the boss and he needs to stop doing it and be clear she’s not taking their shared kids do far away.

InBedBy10 · 17/06/2026 13:50

You cant keep chasing this woman around the country. Its not fair on the 2 children you have together. Stay where you are. By the sounds of it, she'll probably move again in a year or 2 anyway.

Holdonforsummer · 17/06/2026 13:49

Crikey! You have done more than enough. Put your foot (feet) down and stop moving just to please her. In fact, can’t you try and block her from moving again?

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