AIBU to feel sidelined when husband hosted friend during baby’s witching hour?

But so what? Why is he not allowed this, what a miserable life you will both have if this is not allowed.

Are you actually talking to him about what he needs to do?, I mean I wouldn't have left the room at all. I would have stayed in the living/dining room, whatever, fed the baby at the table, handed him to my DH if I needed 2 hands to feed with a bright and breezy ' your turn now'. I mean I was use to babies before we had them. I knew what to do. DH wasn't, so I quite clearly said what I expected. Most people know that babies cry, need feeding, nappy changing. It's not rocket science and I don't suppose his friend expected anything else. Maybe the friend would have held baby too while you ate.
I just find all of this, odd.

Surprised at these answers, he is allowed friends over and didn’t ask you to cook, and you could easily have left the baby to go and get some food or even texted and said bring me a plate.

marriage and children is about meeting each others needs not dictating both of you need to be available for the child to the extent you can’t even see friends.

@ZenNudist "I think YABU. It'd fine to have friends for dinner, he probably wanted to meet the baby."

Seriously? Never in my entire life (and I'm nearly 70) have I met any man that could hardly wait to meet a baby, especially someone else's. He was looking forward to a beer drinking session with his mate, not an evening of crying, nappies and feeds.

Gently, you are an adult, you knew he was making dinner and there was nothing stopping you from walking downstairs and getting some food.

There is also nothing stopping you from handing the baby over, whilst you make yourself something.

You cannot blame him for you not eating and it’s shocking that you’re suggesting you went hungry because he didn’t drag you out of your bedroom to eat in front of guests

If my DP went to their room, I would assume they would want to be left alone and there’s no way I would have made them feel uncomfortable by trying to persuade them to eat with us.

However, I think it’s shocking that he’s not cooked for you since the baby was born!!

What was he doing in his paternity leave?

Why can’t he cook on weekends?

That's mean.
Op is a new mum, she's still finding her way.
And her dh should cherish her for the amazing job she's doing.

I would have fed baby and sat down to dinner. No reason to leave the room to feed the baby, can sit in a bouncy chair (do we still have those?) while you ate or you could have fed him at the table. Put on a shawl if you thought you would be uncomfortable but you should not be. If you are breastfeeding one of the main reasons is that you can feed in any situation anywhere (railway stations, waiting rooms, trains, planes, cars, shopping centres, gardens etc). Why did you stay shut away when the baby was asleep? Why did you not come down and ask DH for your dinner if you really wanted to feed etc on your own, and sit down with a drink while he got it?
No-one likes a martyr. Your DH's friend sounds like a twit btw.

Is the home rented or owned. If rented contact landlord and end tenancy and move back with your parents if possible. Otherwise find another place to live without deadbeat.

@AquaCrab1703 I'm old, I have dgc.
My dh used to settle our babies after I'd fed them so I could go straight back to sleep, he wouldn't have dreamed of not getting me a plate of food.

I hate to say but you're married to a man-child.
Tell him he has a month to up his game or he can go live with his mother.

OP, has he changed completely since the baby arrived? Or were there always signs that he was a useless, uncaring twat?

If my husband had behaved in this way (which he wouldn't in a million years), I'd have given him a verbal rocket up his ass! There's no way on planet earth, I'd be putting up with this at all.

Equally why did you stay upstairs hungry??? Why didn't you go downstairs and eat with your husband and his friend? Didn't he make enough food for the 3 of you?

You need to tell your husband straight, that he needs to help. The baby is not just your responsibility but his as well, so he needs to step up. No, you shouldn't have to point out the obvious to your husband but as he's bloody useless, you're going to have too.

If you don't find your voice and stand up for yourself, then the resentment will only grow and fester. If your husband doesn't want to change his ways, then you need to end the marriage.

Dear Lord. He sounds repugnant, you poor love. Single parenthood can be liberating.

Ugh, another Disney Dad keen to be a proud father in front of his friends, but doesn’t actually give a shit about his wife and child.
Why are so many people laying into OP? It sounds like she has spoken to him countless times about his behaviour, and this is the final straw. It does sound like she was martyring herself last night, but the real issue is her husband’s lack of consideration towards her.
Sorry OP, he is unlikely to change. Get your ducks in a row.

This is offensive behaviour for a husband for sure.
I’ve heard it said that women always remember how they were treated when they were vulnerable in pregnancy and postpartum. It is when husbands tend to show their true colours. This guy sounds like a selfish dick.
I would have marched down with my baby on my boob and announced loudly that I need a meal too, and am more in need of it than two lazy men. And proceeded to eat whatever was there. Crying baby or not. Maybe friend would’ve taken the hint to piss off.
so you’re already doing all night time parenting and husband getting a great nights sleep, so presumably he’s available to support you in the daytime when not at work ?

I would just go in the kitchen/dining room and take what I wanted-it's my food that I paid for as well as my husband! Unless I didn't like the friend, in which case I would collect the food and take it upstairs.

Not sure I see 13 weeks as newborn, but I don’t understand why op shut herself away with the baby! Surely he didn’t cry for hours! What about saying to DH “don’t forget to save me a plate”! I always managed to eat when my DC were this age and DH didn’t cook. We muddled along and visitors took as as they found us. I certainly didn’t disappear into a bedroom and not come out.

Stop cooking for him. I would be going on strike.

Was he this shit of a partner before you got pregnant? People don’t generally turn this selfish over night. Were you the one doing all of the cooking and cleaning before pregnancy?

He sounds absolutely useless but the whole set up is weird. Why did you not eat for 24 hours? Why keep hiding and seething in rooms? How did you get the baby home from the hospital if neither of you could put a car seat in? Etc etc
in the scenario you detailed I would have joined in the meal/drinks with friend and with baby, probably only taking myself out for feeding the baby. If baby was fussing, me and her father would have just taken turns holding and eating one handed.

His mum can FTFO.

Time to read the riot act. Did he want the baby? Because he's not acting as though he did.