AIBU to be upset he has cut off my eldest daughter?

Only if it was going your way. You have higher standard of your ex, than you have of yourself. You expect your ex’s family to treat your dd as one of their own. Why? You and he chose to blend families, as long as they are kind, they don’t have to treat your dd like their grandchild.
Added to that your hypocritical attitude towards your step daughter, well I’m
nor surprised he’s had enough.

Why did you expect all three children to be be treated the same, when you don’t lead by example.

Yeah it's the op with the wedding drama regarding the husband's SD not being as included.

Ah, it’s this OP again, with a name change. I thought this sounded very familiar.

It’s totally right that the father now prioritises his eldest daughter, who by all accounts seems to have been shut out, her father living with his new family, and her hardly getting a look-in with her newer half-sister.

Well you can’t have been as you left him?! I don’t agree with his decision but I think it’s necessarily wrong. Other people seem to think this is normal

Hard to know in blended families what to do for the best.

My parents treated Dsis DP eldest as another GC - when they split never saw him again and even half sibling - Dsis youngest rarely see him. Her eldest never gets to see her half siblings either - though her Dad - once her dad split from their mum.

I do know step parents who are essential parents treat step kids as theirs some even post splits.

If there were indication he saw her as just your child rather than anything to do with him- as did his family - well probably always going to mean little to no contact with your eldest post split with you.

It's unpleasnt for your eldest- but it's not uncommon -there are men who seem happy to walk away from their own kids completely -so can hardly be a huge surprise a step parents walks away.

But you said your step daughter didn't have time for you and your daughter?

Your DH saw SD all the time but you didn't - was she banned from the house? Didn't like to visit because you were there?

Either way I am sorry OP, but no, it wasn't a happy house. Not all of the members were happy.

I do feel it for you, this is horrible, but the signs were there and ignored.

But you weren't? You were shoved out of a funeral with your older child and there was all sorts of resentment and you didn't have your stepdaughter as part of the family so it was always incomplete and awkward.

I'm sorry you're hurt, it's really sad. But you can't force a relationship and it seems obvious your ex is moving on without you and your daughter. Your only job now is to support your daughter in her feelings and make sure she knows you aren't going anywhere.

This makes a lot of sense. You cannot force people to accept your eldest. Now my family, they don't belive in stepchildren or half siblings and treat them all identical. But not everyone does this. You really put your daughter in a terrible situation trying to force something and it probably has hurt her. You had good intentions but please don't do this in the future. If someone does not accept your children they are not for you.

OP - So you weren't leaving anything to SD and Ex isn't leaving anything to his SD? I don't see the issue?

You said that you were generally a happy unit, is this true or is this what you told yourself?

In the kindest way, you put your eldest daughter in a terrible position. Presumably this family NEVER fully embraced her (as is their right) but if you weren't happy with this you should have walked away.

Now your eldest has a lifetime of seeing her younger sister lead a completely different life to her due to choices you made.

It's done now, but to be honest you need to focus on your DD's esp your eldest and make sure her self-esteem, confidence isn't hit by being treated like a 2nd class citizen. The road ahead won't be easy for her.

I think this is sad but inevitable. They aren't actually related and he probably thinks he should pull back to have the same relationship with your daughter as you have with his daughter. You share a child, yes, but that doesn't mean you have to spend time with each other's family. You sound like you really dislike his daughter so maybe he just wants to focus on his own children and stop forcing a family relationship that never quite worked out.

Exactly. Yet another happy blended family story.

No they haven’t “left her out” by ops own omission, they were kind and bought gifts, but not enough and didn’t spend enough of their money on her.

It is, you have significant jealousy of step dd and actively stopped youngest for having time with her half sister and paternal relatives as they didn’t prioritise your eldest daughter?

You don't get leave someone for the things you didn't like about them and still get to keep the things you loved about them. In short you don't get to have your cake and eat it.

So you split since the last post. As harsh as it sounds ‘you came as a package, you go as a package’. It’s terribly sad for your eldest to suffer this way. She’s been left out by his family for a long time and now he has joined them. He doesn’t want to hear about her being left out - it’s not his problem anymore.

They are all awful and you need to accept that. When the youngest goes out with dad, try and do something nice for your eldest. Watch a movie with popcorn, long walk in the woods, paint nails etc.. don’t talk about how she isn’t included, make her feel included in your life! Just have fun together.

It's really sad but I think this is common when a relationship ends.

"it would be too complicated to include her as the law is brutal and she could establish some rights if he continued a relationship with her, a child he has known for over eight years and who he saw more often than his eldest child. I am shocked he can walk away from her so easily."

This reads as husband sees your eldest more often than his eldest child. Seeing as your joint child is younger than your eldest this reads as he has another child. It reads like you both have a child from a previous relationship and then a joint one.

I think because you said she didn’t stay with you much.

She wasn’t and isn’t his child. I’m going to be flamed for his but you can try and love a step child as much as you want but there is a deep biological difference between having your own child and caring for someone else’s and that can’t be forced or faked.

I think its very sad.

That said, if you viewed him as a father to your eldest, did you ever discuss adoption with him? We're you prepared to give him equal rights as well as equal responsibilities.

I remember your previous threads. This was inevitable. You married your husband knowing his daughter wasn’t interested in yours, and that his family didn’t and wouldn’t see your daughter as their own. Hell, you also knew that he didn’t and doesn’t consider her his daughter either. He was kind to her and included her as a child of his wife.

You couldn’t force the relationships you wanted your eldest to have while you were married, and you aren’t going to be able to force it now.