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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset he has cut off my eldest daughter?

238 replies

GeorgeClarkefan · 17/06/2026 12:50

I initiated a separation from my husband, the father of my youngest daughter two months ago. He has been the only father figure in my eldest daughter’s life and they had a good relationship.

He has engaged a solicitor who has now sent me a letter re: shared residency of our joint child and our house which I can stay in until our joint child goes to university (or is 19) no surprises.

I have to acknowledge however, that my eldest (other than a quarter of my assets) has no claims on any marital assets and there is also a line which says that in the event of my husband’s death my stepdaughter will not assert her rights until younger daughter goes to university (or is 19).

None of this bothers me but I am shocked and distraught that my husband never asks about eldest or includes her in any outings he has had with youngest.

When I challenged him he says he misses her but it would be too complicated to include her as the law is brutal and she could establish some rights if he continued a relationship with her, a child he has known for over eight years and who he saw more often than his eldest child. I am shocked he can walk away from her so easily.

OP posts:
SpottyPyjama · 17/06/2026 14:09

It sounds like he’s doing the right thing by his oldest child by protecting their interests in the event of his death. This is a risk you knowingly took when you gave your daughter a step father who was already someone else’s father and then had another child.

orangegato · 17/06/2026 14:06

Stepchild here, yes it’s a disgrace and a reason why I will never be a step parent or have my own children have step parents. Adult relationships causing an emotional shit show for their offspring.

Original poster
GeorgeClarkefan · 17/06/2026 14:04

He has known her for eight years and lived with her full time for seven years until two months ago.

We were in many ways a happy little unit but pressure from outside became too much. My stepdaughter was uninterested in my daughter but loved my youngest. Husband’s family didn’t fully include my eldest and it became obvious that my daughters had different paths with youngest having many material advantages ( she might of course not make the most of them).

He always felt that my daughter had a bond with youngest as they lived together as sisters whereas his eldest was at a disadvantage where youngest was involved.

When he first moved out he would come in and eldest would be all over him but then retreated to her room. Now he just appears at door and then drops youngest off and doesn’t engage at all. If they have gone somewhere and youngest has a magazine or sweets he doesn’t even send something for her.

OP posts:
Larrythecatforpm · 17/06/2026 13:57

End of the day, he isn’t her dad.

usererror99 · 17/06/2026 13:55

He isn’t her dad. Did she call him that - facilitated by yourself? Where is her biological father? 8 years isn’t really all that long. I’d understand if it was 15-20 years but it isn’t. He is protecting his daughter (your youngest) from her elder sister attempting to sell the home she lives in in the event of your death whilst she is still a minor. Which assuming there is a fair age gap is sensible even if it comes across as brutal

OldCrohn · 17/06/2026 13:55

8 years is the blink of an eye in the span of her and his lifetime and it's not realistic to expect a lifelong relationship to be there after a split.

Gardenisablooming · 17/06/2026 13:41

'Children Of The Family' is taken absolutely serious by the courts. He likely would have gotten some contact with your dd if he had requested it. And age appropriate if she agreed.. . In fact it took me 4 years to keep my ex away from MY dc post divorce..

takealettermsjones · 17/06/2026 13:39

Firstly I hope your daughter is okay. It will be tough for her and she may need additional support. You say they saw each other often - how much contact did they have?

I can imagine this sort of thing being quite common when blending and unblending families. Perhaps he's protecting himself - if he has no PR then she could one day turn around and refuse to talk to him ever again, and that would be so hard.

Lomonald · 17/06/2026 13:38

I am a stepchild, my stepfather likes me fine but his own children are obviously preferable.

GahGahGahGah · 17/06/2026 13:25

He’s not her dad, you’re getting to stay in the family home, and this was at your initiation. YABU.

BigWig78 · 17/06/2026 12:56

He’s an absolute arsehole and she is better off without him. My exH doesn’t speak to our DD now either and whilst it hurts her at times she also knows being in his life would hurt more.

Lomonald · 17/06/2026 12:53

He isn't her dad, i know you are hurt but he has his own child to.concern himself with, i would make sure your sole dd is financially taken care of,

Iwanttobeafraser · 17/06/2026 12:53

I'm afraid he's talking complete bollocks. The law is not brutal at all on this. Unless he adopted her, she's his ex step daughter and is very unlikely to have any legal rights unless he specifically gives them to her. Which means that he's ether very stupid or is just behaving like a dick.

You could try his bluff - offer to sign something that pecifically excludes her from having any legal rights to his estate or finances?

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