You have missed no boats. You're on the boat. You've just navigated life's waters, good and bad.
You seem to be wanting to reach for more and more, despite your fantastic achievements. You seem to regret not having more or being more of what and who you already are.
When I was your age, OP, I came up against two things: Childhood shit that most of us have a history of, and also, my terrible, abusive marriage that I continued to stay in until my ex-husband was actually arrested and imprisoned for his abuse. That was five years ago. I was just coming up on 50 when life imploded. And then I was at ground zero. I had to scrape my way out of a monumental existential crisis. I never mock anyone else's. And that is exactly what you are experiencing now: An existential crisis.
It seems to me that from a young age, your life map was plotted by others who took ownership of your personal expectations before you could even form them. And you've only known to answer to that call ever since.
Also, it has to be said that there is something extremely, densely damaging when our closest people of trust are also our abusers, telling us what to do, how to be, who to become.
An unexemplary alcoholic father and a negligent mother as your mentors and guides is an oxymoron you're continuing to live out. Abuser as healer or pathfinder never works. And I have learned that the road to success is often paved with bad parenting or bad examples handed to us by inept mentors thus creating lifelong dysfunction. All of us face this to some degree. Not one soul on this planet gets a free pass.
I wonder if you really regret, really truly grieve needing/wanting more success, more out of life, or if you just haven't learned how to turn down life's noise. The past can be bombastic. Learn to turn it down and turn down the voices that dominate it.
You need less of everything, not more.
We overuse the word 'radical' as in radical acceptance, radical kindness, radical whatever... it's a bit bullshitty, I know, but there is a time and a place when we do need to sit with our human experience and radically accept what is, what was, what has shaped us, what has damaged and harmed us, and what has been the making of us. And then you sort of have to extract the finer points of those experiences and condense them into something that is digestible; totally and utterly and wholly accepted and understood and even cherished. Everything is a lesson. Everything is a gift that teaches us something. You don't have to be happy about it or say it was ok that bad shit happened... just understand that our human experience and our time here on earth is just that, an experience. You're not meant to get it right. That's not at all the point, I believe anyway.
Maybe 40 is your time to start travelling inward... soul searching time. Less is more. When you understand what that means, your inner world expands in ways our material world cannot.
You are you. You are your own entity. Your path is yours alone. Your human experience is yours alone. And that can't be changed. But it can be accepted, respected, and nurtured, and explored. And then comes a deep and meaningful, purposeful enjoyment of being alive. But you've got to do the work, OP. It starts with you.