Starting again at 61

Ok - assuming this thread is genuine.

You mention your shiny new friends a lot. What happens if you break up your life - and they disappear in a puff of smoke? What if you’re a lot less attractive to them when you’re living in a bedsit at the wrong end of town, worrying about being able to afford transport to your next get together, never mind paying for an activity, or dinner.

Where are your adult children in all this? Are they close by or on other continents? I honestly don’t think you can make this decision based on new friendships.

And surely nothing was just “his”, they were shared.

It wasn't unpaid. Housed, fed, clothed, holidays etc etc.

Yes I agree with everyone else. It doesn't sound like anything much apart from different outlooks on life. You could get a job on a cafe or garden centre or something that takes you into the city a day a week to fund your activities. He doesn't have to go everywhere with you. You don't have to have everything in common. I would imagine it would be hard to start again with no job and pretty galling for him if you took half of everything after you must have been a housewife for how long and then to turn round and say you're bored when he's about to retire! If you are 61 your children must have been adults for a very long time!

I mean there’s nothing stopping you from getting a job to fund your social life, if you are worried about taking money from the pot? Why aren’t you working? You could volunteer or do a course? It’s not really your husbands fault that you feel trapped, is it? You made the decision to become a SAHM and you enjoyed that time. But, kids grow up and fly the nest. How far is your nearest city? You could visit regularly and still enjoy the events which it has to offer?

I’m a bit younger than you, but had to take ill health retirement as I have incurable cancer. I also live in a small town with not much happening. However, there are 3 cities within commutable distance and I enjoy nothing more, than hopping on the train to soak up a bit of city life for a few hours. I’m also looking a courses with the OU, to keep my brain active.

Life is what you make it. How deep are these new friendships? Have you considered HRT or testosterone to revive your libido?

60 is the new 50 !
Best to enjoy your life while you are healthy & relatively young

Why cant you get a job & work ?

Your state pension age must be 67

Does your DH have his own hobbies ?

You are of course entitled to do things you want to do, but I agree with the PP who said you should at least try some kind of compromise. You feel bored and trapped after long years of being a SAHM, but do you know how he feels after long years of working to support the family? He is entitled to do some things he wants to do too.

You sound, kindly, like a teenager with her first boyfriend, talking about your shiny new friends and the raves and the big city. How did you meet these shiny new friends? I'm sure you're having a great time but that's not the same as having a proper support network. If one day you got too tired or too ill or just too old to have all the fun days out, would they still be there?

Re. the sex, of course you don't have to have sex you don't want, but you could think about whether you never want to have any kind of sex again or whether you actually just don't want to have the kind of sex you've been having so far.

Are you taking HRT?

Really don't understand why can't spend money out of the family pot on yourself. You've raised his children, run his home, cooked, washed, cleaned etc all unpaid labour, now it's your turn.

Talk to him about how you feel and see how he feels.
Get a part time job to pay for your own events, will also fill some of your time and may make you feel better about life in general.
And see a doctor about you lack of libido - seems a bit drastic to throw everything away without trying to improve what you already have first.

You be mad to think you can skip off dancing with friends, starting a new life, these friendships are not permanent neither is the lifestyle if you are already 61. I think you need a reality check.
I don’t know the answer. I’d suggest compromising so that you keep the best of both worlds.
Woukd your husband be open to sleeping with other people? Then you can both have your but if fun.

Try and come to a compromise, you don’t have to go to every single event. Maybe see the docs about your sex drive?

Can you get a part time job to pay for your events.

You can still invite him, so he thinks you would like him to go, and he can just refuse. Just go to a few events once and spend a fortune, and you won't have to feel guilty about that.

Why do you have to go to every single event if it's expensive? Just go to a more limited number. And maybe sometimes include your DH. Maybe he would like it too and if he doesn't, it means you try to include him. It seems a bit ridiculous to consider breaking up your marriage when you haven't even tried a compromise.