Inconsequential but HIGHLY irritating things your DH does

Is this a thing? because mine does it too. Complete and utter inability to fold things like flat sheets/duvet covers in a neat (ish) shape. He ends up with a kind of rolled sausage. I have to take everything out and re-fold it properly. I've demonstrated a thousand times: just hold the corners together and give a good, smart shake. But no 😭

I just thought of another one. When he needs to make a minor decision about something, e.g. where to park, he gives a running commentary complete with questions, "I could park here, but maybe we should wait, there might be a closer place, what do you think, oh there's another place, maybe I should park there?" And on and on. I used to respond to everything, but now I just say, "It's up to you, whatever is fine with me." These are such minor decisions, he really doesn't need my input. Nor does he need to narrate the whole procedure, but I haven't yet found a way to adequately communicate this simple fact. 😅

Drives all around the fucking car park playing parking space roulette to get a space “near the door” driving passed multiple empty spaces.
Then when he’s pushed it too far and there aren’t any closer than the one he’s just passed …. Repeat 😵‍💫

My DH does not do this but my DM does, only she would never use a GLASS how wasteful when you could use a MUG and then have your coffee/tea out of it. Dirty looks if I dare to take away her mug and put it in the dishwasher and serve her water out of a glass.

If ever we we’re off out somewhere and just about to go out the door, he takes himself off for 15 minute poo

I’m single but 1 thing that annoys me when a male relative visits he hangs a carrier bag on the handle of the back door. Even though we have a bin because that’s what they do at home. I point it out to him it’s always oh I forgot I don’t notice it there blah blah. 🙄Yeah it’s there so we’re not tripping over the damm thing.

my DH is a SPOONY FUCKER.

He'll wander over to hob, have a look and then stirs stuff I've just stirred a moment ago - drives me bonkers

OMG all of this too! Why are all these men so similar! 😆

Apart from the theatrical sneezes, I also get him saying 'oh dear...' or 'ha ha ha' when he's looking at his phone (or even when he's just sitting there doing nothing.) He wants me to say 'oh what is it, PLEASE do tell me!' I have stopped asking because I get so annoyed by it. ALSO, he asks me 'are you going out up town tomorrow?' I say 'not sure, why...?' 'Oh, no reason' he says. Why the fuck did you ask me then?!

The length of time he spends in the fucking bathroom. Literally, when he goes in there for a shower and to wash his hair (and sometimes a shit before he does this,) he is there for nearly an HOUR some days. Most days it's at least 40 minutes. He says to me 'do you need the bathroom?' (like for a wee) before he goes in, and I say 'no.' 45-50 minutes later I need a wee and knock on the door and say 'have you finished in there yet!?' He says 'I thought you didn't need the bathroom!' I said, I didn't need it nearly an HOUR ago when you first came in here. What the fuck are these men doing in there?

Also, yes, chatting shit about stuff I am not interested in. And it's particularly annoying when HE is watching one of HIS (shitty) programmes and I am trying to read or look at the internet, and he gives me a running commentary! I have said 'I AM NOT WATCHING IT, I AM NOT INTERESTED!' a number of times, and he still does it. He says with a forlorn look 'well I am interested!' I am like 'so?' It's like he expects me to stop everything I'm doing to listen to his drivel. So I just 100% flat out ignore him now and carry on with what I'm doing. He still mutters away about what he's watching though, and laughs out loud at stuff that isn't even funny and so on, so sometimes I have taken to sticking my headphones on/in my ears and putting music on so I don't have to listen to him...

And the hanging around in the kitchen when I am busy/washing up/cleaning/preparing dinner etc etc! He often just stands there at the door watching me! I'm like 'yeah?' and I look at him with a 'whaddya want?' look on my face. 'I've just come for a chat' he says, and he starts wandering around our (fairly small) kitchen. I say 'we can CHAT over dinner, right now I'm busy and you're in the way - (10 X 12 foot kitchen so not huge!) He says 'oh, I didn't know that I was SO FAT, and SOOOO HUGE that I can't fit in the kitchen at the same time as you!'

He can't seem to comprehend that it's not his 'size' it's the fact that he is there, hanging around like a fart, and if he stands ANYwhere in the kitchen, he is in my way for at least half the bloody time he's in there. I am at the sink, at the fridge, at the wall cupboards, at the floor cupboards, at the cooker, at the worktop, and then back again and again for the 30 minutes or so I am doing dinner. He is just a bloody nuisance when he's in there. Last time he did it (he does it about once a week!) I said 'if you wanna be in the kitchen, knock yourself out! Stay in here and cook dinner, and I will sit in front of the TV!' He sloped off in a sulk. Pillock! 😆

This! Plus my DH hangs crumpled shirts up by the shoulders instead of the tail, so peg marks sticking out when they're dry. I've told him and the fact that he continues suggests it's his way of flexing his right to decide. BUT he doesn't iron anything.

oh, nests bowls inside each other in dishwasher then wonders why they didn't get clean.

He insists on brushing with his electric toothbrush as if it's a manual one, scrubbing away and destroying the brush heads long before they need replacing.

DH declares he's having a shower about 10 minutes before we're due to leave - gives me the rage.

One time we left without him to his parents place - we live a 10 minute walk away, they all asked where he was. And i said "he wasn't even dressed when we left and said he wanted a shower..." - he turned up around 45 minutes later.

Actually, ironed cotton knickers do feel lovely. I don't iron underwear but my mam used to. I think it flattens the fibres or something but it felt almost like new underwear every time.

I will never live with a man again
The NOISE
Drove me to distraction
The LOUD AF yawning, sneezing, throat clearing
Banging about
Can't stand it

turns off the automatic headlights EVERY time he drives the car...

Another weird far, far away parker!!!!

Ex-DP would drive past all those empty nearby spaces, keep on going and going and going until we were in the furthest possible spot, sometimes in a part of the car park I didn't even know existed and then park. (In his fancy pants car with all the sensors, cameras and beepers and it would still take a million years - but he was a very good parker apparently, it was always the space that was the issue!)

At least with the dishwasher you can open it to add things. Which is something I learned on here-I always assumed it was like a washing machine, that you couldn't open mid-cycle.

Yes, this too.

Worst was when he put top soil down, the morning of a big summer bbq at ours where everyone brought their kids. Cue muddy footprints fucking everywhere.

Or when we were in a rush to go out to lunch and he decided to scotch guard the lounge. I get the thinking it could dry while we were gone, but why start it 5 minutes before we left the house? He had hurty feelings about my irritation.

was going to say the same. Some of my china comes out still wet because it has an indentation in the pattern or deep foot (Emma Bridgewater bowls looking at YOU) so I leave them out to finish drying.

I think mine must perform some kind of windmill action in our screen less shower (installed by previous owners and worst design decision of all time).

He sprays water across the walls, soaks the bath mat, just water EVERYWHERE.

Me too, I was cringing reading that one! 😂

Mine is 52 but has been a curmudgeonly old man since we met in our late 20s. 😂

Oh I’d forgotten that one. Yes, awful at choosing a parking space. Drives past lots of perfectly good spaces and ends up parking in a really weird/awkward/stupid one.

Posted twice, sorry

Brain fog from a disability, and autism, and sometimes I just run out of energy before I can clean up after a task. Sometimes I am so focused on my next task that the previous one goes unfinished.

The kitchen cupboard thing is because I really just want to chat with him because I missed him when he was out, and we have a small kitchen.

Can't explain the toothpaste one. I suppose I must have been dragged up

The irony is I'm actually really clean and tidy overall. I just flit around a lot.