Inconsequential but HIGHLY irritating things your DH does

We have been eating dinner at 6.00-6.15 for the last 53 years. When I call out that dinner is on the table he says Oh! all surprised as if we have never eaten at that time of day before. One of these days it's going to end up on his head.

I'd love to know what precisely those are.

He does the laundry hanging thing - as far as I can tell, he'll take any two points on the garment (not shaken out, of course), position these roughly 8 inches apart on the line, and apply the clothes pegs.

Yep. That's it exactly. The Man Method. Any two points on the garment. Could be the hem of one leg of a pair of trousers and then the waistband. Or the lower left corner of a shirt, followed by the cuff of the opposite side. So the wet fabric will collapse down onto itself in a damp steaming heap, until it's brought indoors five hours later, still in a damp, steaming heap. Instead of hanging freely and drying most efficiently in the breeze. No logic, no finesse. Woefully insufficient spacing. Seriously inept fuckwittery. And the pained expression they wear when they are doing this, like it's a challenge on the Krypton Factor and it's blowing their tiny minds.

All of the above… plus…. Any time I cook and put plates of food on the table he will say “which one is mine?” Even though we have sat at the same places at the table for 25 years….

That would drive me absolutely nuts. I don't think I could ever have saddled myself with someone who did this, no matter how great he might be in other ways. I'm very hypersensitive to table manners and eating related things and if something gives me the massive ick that's it. Game over.

Moves my things without telling me, then MOVES THEM BACK when I return them to where I want them to be

"no dire steamy bin consequences"😂

Never puts the dry washing up away. Just washes up and balances it on top!!

Sneeze!! He sneezes so loudly there is no need for it to be that loud. Also comes in from work when I have had the kids all day and goes for a thirty minute shit!!

People get annoyed by things. That’s normal.

My husband yells at me from the other end of the house and then when I yell back 'Yes? What?' He can't hear me. So I go to the top/bottom of the stairs as appropriate and yell louder 'Yessssss??? WHAT???'

Nothing. Radio silence. So I go back to what I am doing. Two mins later 'Cookbooooook!!!!!' 'Yes!!!! WHAT?!!! AGAIN, WHAT???' Still nothing.

Why is it I can hear him from that distance but he can't hear me?

Just fucking find me and speak normally or STFU. I'm not coming running like a beckoned dog.

I think several people are married to my husband!

He does the laundry hanging thing - as far as I can tell, he'll take any two points on the garment (not shaken out, of course), position these roughly 8 inches apart on the line, and apply the clothes pegs.

Another strange habit is that he'll carry on conversing with you while wandering around into different rooms, so it goes from, "Oh darling did you hear that the neighbours at number 9 were looking for muffled mumble ᵐᵘᵐᵇˡᵉ ᵈᶦˢᵗᵃⁿᵗ ᶜʰᵘⁿᵗᵉʳᶦⁿᵍ ᵈᵒʷⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᵗᵃᶦʳˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵗʰʳᵒᵘᵍʰ ʷᵃˡˡˢ..."

But the most annoying thing, which seems to be getting worse, is what DC call his "Open-itis" - he just can't seem to properly close anything. Doors and drawers goes without saying. But also the bread bin, biscuit barrel, bottles, packets, cartons, tupperware etc. We constantly have products doing dry when they should be moist, soggy when they should be crisp, etc. Our laundry detergent comes in soluble sheets, the packets clearly warn to re-seal firmly so they don't absorb moisture from the air: does he fuck, and to top it off doesn't put the lid fully back on the laundry-stuff box and then doesn't properly put the laundry-stuff box back in the under sink cupboard and then the under sink cupboard door can't be closed completely...

I thought the stirring was the worst but he’s now taken it upon himself to violently shake any chips, veg, stir-fry etc that’s in the air fryer.
FEW-MIN.

He is a fantastic bloke and is currently looking after me very well post OP. I love him dearly.
But he will never return anything. By which I mean he says "Have you got a pair of tweezers (umbrella, moisturiser, insulated carrier bag whatever) and I give it to him and then it is his -never to be seen again by me.

Also I am apparently the only person with the ability to put the cardboard inside bit from the toilet roll in the recycling.

I do this, is it wrong?! Makes sense to me, particularly with bowls as it’s easier to stack them one behind the other. I hate getting my fingers mucky 🤣

My DH is great- he doesn't work due to health reasons, I work full time at home as a childminder- he does all the housework and cooking, diy etc. I do banking, finances, present buying, life admin etc. Only me and him in the house.
But he still annoys me! Yes to the windscreen wipers- what is that all about??
He does all the laundry on a Friday
He hangs tops on clothes hangers and hangs them on the line. But they all bunch together so they never dry in the middle- I've told him so many times but he still does it! I've now bought some special hooks for the hangers so it keeps them apart...
He loves motorbikes, I don't. He restores them as hobby. I don't know anything about them, I'm not interested in them at all. Yet after every session in the shed, he'll come and waffle to me about it. Every nut and bolt,from start to finish- I'm not interested and don't really care. But he'll start his waffling off by saying " I know you're not interested but...."and still proceed to tell me about it! Now I have my own hobbies and he's not interested in so I never speak to him about them but he just doesn't get it...
And then, when I'm trying to quietly do my hobbies...he'll come and waffle in my ear about anything and everything that I really don't want to hear about....or silly videos on his phone that I don't want to see....every single time! I actually said to him, I swear you do it on purpose-I can't be left in peace for 5 minutes!
He'll message me from the shed, even when I'm working and say " Any chance of a cuppa? I'm a bit busy down here!"
Yep, cos I've only got 3 toddlers to look after...

Leaves the loo roll in the middle of the bathroom floor after he's used it rather than putting it back on the holder. Gives me the rage.

I can't work out why it is so frustrating. Also can't work out why the tap can't be angled to go straight down the plug...

I do this. Sometimes there is so much noise in my head that I need to talk over it so I can hear. The thing is, I keep finding myself doing it in the shops 🤭

Why?

Mine always focuses on my tasks and gives a running commentary on what l should be doing instead of focussing on his own tasks- this culminated in him arriving at Dover for the ferry without his passport,l let him writhe a bit then produced it.

Pushes food around his plate 2-3 times before he puts it in his fork and eats it. No idea why he does it, doesn’t make a difference what it is, he is just incapable of taking a forkful of food without giving it a little nudge first

He has the ability to precisely predict which cabinet or drawer I will need next in the kitchen and then leans up against it so I can't get into it without asking him to move. Cheeses me off have to repeatedly say "can I get in there?", and then he gets the huff that I keep interrupting his monologue. Oh and he refuses to speak or answer me if he's in the loo. I can be outside with an emergency but he won't talk whilst in the bathroom. Not even to tell me that he's in there!

The windscreen wiper one drives me insane too! “I can see!”, he exclaims! Can you? What about small children or objects in the road? Why wear contact lenses if you’re happy doing this? Drives me mad too!

I’m picturing him shaking off like a dog every couple of minutes