Inconsequential but HIGHLY irritating things your DH does

There’s probably a post-modernist doctorate about liminality and gender in there somewhere.

Mine thinks he's being helpful when he takes over a task I'm in the middle of. He's not. He's being bloody irritating

Waits until everyone is ready to leave and is in the car before he decides he needs to clean the pool and then go for a sh*t

My dog is called Pearl. My dog. She predates him. I named her carefully.

He calls her Pearly, “because she prefers it.” Hearing him shout “PEARLEEEEEEEEEE!” makes me want to batter him. It’s not her name. It’s not even A name. Shut the fuck up.

Insanely routine driven. Eats lunch at 12 noon exactly and gets anxious if he feels he might not be able to. The kitchen in our house has the best Teams background. If I need it for a client call that finishes at 12, he’ll be like, but I will be able to get in and have my lunch? And I’m like, yeah, they’re probably back to back so it won’t run over too much if it runs over at all.” And this unsettles him. “Do you think it will run over?” I dunno. I guess it could. But only by 5 minutes. 10 max. If at all. “But I’ll be able to get in for lunch?”

DUDE YOU ARE A FULL GROWN ADULT YOU CAN WAIT 10 MINS MAX FOR YOUR LUNCH.

Likes to have a shower as soon as he gets up. No one minds working around his routine. Gets mad if he changes his alarm clock time without telling us and there’s someone in the shower, because he likes a shower when he gets up.

Denies he has autistic traits.

Mine does clear the plates. BUT he does it as soon as he's finished, while I'm still eating, then looks at my plate and says "are you still grazing?". GRAZING? I'm not a fucking cow. I'm finishing a meal.

Of course there's the behaving like he is dying when he has a cold, further compounded by refusal to take any medication in case it masks the symptoms of something serious. 🙄
It's Lempsip, not heroin so either take it or shut the fuck up. Or at least go and mope somewhere where I can't see you.

Love this thread, have laughed to myself a lot reading the posts! Mumsnet at its best!!

Never procrastinates. Never. It is the most fantastic trait most of the time but if I mention the garage would look nice painted green, while we’re watching TV, he’s painted it green before the episode has ended. Wouldn’t matter if he’s just come off a double shift, is bone tired and it’s 2am. He’s getting it done.

It’s such a desirable trait but also SIT DOWN AND RELAX FFS.

Also explains things to me about the kids as if it’s my first time meeting them. “Charlotte really gets grumpy when she wakes up from a nap”. …..Well yes, I’ve been putting Charlotte down for naps every day for 2 years. I’m quite familiar with her work thank you…..

I've read loads of his posts on MN...

Buttering toast on the worktop does give me the rage, use a bloody plate, man.

Pasta noodles?
"Pasta" noodles?
Pasta noodles?

You deserve all the minor inconveniences you get!

Does ridiculous things to ‘save on the washing up’ examples include, not using a chopping board/plate (makes sandwiches etc on the worktop) I caught him recently eating buttered cream crackers which he’d got stacked along his arm, rather than ‘dirty a plate’ WTF?!
Oh, and we have a dishwasher!
He also does the wiper thing.

I love this. And i love the idea of you taking it in turns to entertain the cat by dressing up as a panda 🤣

Has the same argument about inconsequential things that have already been settled (with me being right oc) a year before.
There are so many things....

Accuses me of pandering to the cat. And then panders to the cat. At least hide the dreamies, you hypocrite!

At weekend breakfast/brunch gets up from the table after finishing his food regardless of whether or not I have finished, leaving his dirty plate on the table for me to clear up. It’s always me who cooks.

He would not do this at an evening meal but for some reason he considers daytime meals to have no requirement for manners. I missed that memo.

Loud sneezer too, glad I am not the only one driven mad by this.

You are menopausal aren't you? 😂

Omg @itslikecakesbutitsnotcakes- I was going to say the same 2 things when I read your title before I read the post!!!
Put the fucking wipers on!!!!

I feel your rage. When all those caring hormones disappear with the menopause, it becomes even more difficult to contain.

Breathes.........😅

Mine is brilliant at clearing up the kitchen each night so I hate to pick fault but....has a really annoying habit of, if an oven dish or saucepan needs to soak overnight, not fully scraping it out first. Just plunges it into the sink full of water so in the morning it's turned to some disgusting greasy, soupy, cold slurry. Then he says 'well there's a strainer in the plughole anyway so it doesn't matter.'

But it does matter. The strainer won't stop everything. It won't stop all the grease. He's already blocked the sink up once by not scraping the plates properly and I don't want to deal with the revolting gunge that accumulates in the plug strainer either, thank you.

My DP does all these things.

I don't live with him. He wants to, I don't. Until all this stuff improves it's not even a conversation.

He sat on my sofa yesterday, sneezed, went to get a tissue and they weren't there. He says "where are the tissues". I just at looked at him. "The" tissues? "THE" fucking tissues? In my house, not his? Not "oh, honey, do you have any tissues?".

I said "they've run out, you can use some loo roll".

But - the punchline, of course, is that he knew they had run out - he used the last one (and left the empty box there for me to throw away).

I'm not being turned into a servant in my own home!

Auto-contradict. Whatever I say or suggest, he'll immediately start a sentence with 'No' then explain to me why I am wrong. Nine times out of ten he's simply not listened to what I actually said. It is absolutely fucking infuriating.

Oh fk me where do i start....love the bones off him but

Theatrical sneezes - the volume is so unnecessary & offensive. He must inhale all the air in the room and then let it out again in one long, thunderous AAACHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO

Will sit and dramatically or woefully say "oh noooo........omg......oh noooo" whilst looking at his phone ...stfu I am not asking you whats wrong either tell me or be quiet.

Taking thee absolute piss when he needs a 💩. Women have gave birth quicker than that man has had a crap.

Will talk at me about wrestling (i have never watched it in my life and he knows this) and get annoyed i don't have a clue what he's talking about.

Stands in my way in the kitchen. If i'm making food, a coffee, feeding the dogs & cat ect he will find a reason to be in there with me and always always seems to be stood where I need to be. Piss off! Wait until I've finished.

God i love him though x