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Original poster

Ex wants me to lie to DS

190 replies

Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 10:22

DS has broken his phone screen and it’s £200 to fix it. Ex and I have agreed that we will go 50/50 to pay for it to be fixed. Ex will take the phone in and I’ll send him the money.

Ex has said not to tell DS he’s paying me half towards it as DS wouldn’t like that his Dad is giving me money. So ex wants to lie to DS and say I paid the whole amount.

AIBU to be uncomfortable about lying to DS and should I either pay the whole amount or tell DS it is from us both?

OP posts:
hugasaurus · 16/06/2026 12:57

Incel in the making Sad

JHound · 16/06/2026 12:55

Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 10:29

He’s heavily enmeshed/loyalty binded with his Dad and doesn’t like to think of his dad “helping” me out in any way.

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It’s not helping you out. It’s paying towards your sons phone. This is very odd and you and your ex should not be enabling your son’s weird attitude.

Men paying for their kids is not “helping the mother out”. It’s their responsibility as a parent.

excelledyourself · 16/06/2026 12:54

Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 10:41

Exactly! This is one of my worries! So I am in charge of paying for his phone contract, any upgrades etc so DS might see it as my responsibility to pay for the screen. But his dad wanting to hide his contribution makes me uncomfortable. It’s happened before, ex gave me money (bank transfer) for a meal for the two of us on a holiday and said DO NOT tell DS I’ve given you anything as he would be very angry. He then listed the money as child maintenance 🙈

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This whole situation is really weird, but why is he making a point of listing a dinner payment as child maintenance? Surely your DS isn’t accessing either of your bank accounts?

Does ex have a partner?

ForeverPombear · 16/06/2026 12:53

SwatTheTwit · 16/06/2026 12:43

I just realised, I comment before reading all of OP’s posts.

@Magpiesinthegarden how old is DS? I’d be concerned for his MH living with a man like that, but also not at your expense. Do not lie.

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She's said he's 14.

Givemeachaitealatte · 16/06/2026 12:44

OP I wouldn't pay for it at all. This is ridiculously manipulative and I think they are scamming you. If you do pay half, then ask for the receipt. Honestly I wouldn't put up with this madness anymore. If your son wants you to play the bad guy then play the bad guy and while he is being vile he doesn't get anything from you, save the basics of raising him. A new iPhone screen is not a basic right.

SwatTheTwit · 16/06/2026 12:43

motheroftwonotsolittleones · 16/06/2026 12:41

He already lived with his dad full time OP says

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I just realised, I comment before reading all of OP’s posts.

@Magpiesinthegarden how old is DS? I’d be concerned for his MH living with a man like that, but also not at your expense. Do not lie.

motheroftwonotsolittleones · 16/06/2026 12:41

SwatTheTwit · 16/06/2026 12:39

Time for him to live with his father full-time then.

My brother lasted about… 3 months? It did wonders for my mother.

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He already lived with his dad full time OP says

SwatTheTwit · 16/06/2026 12:39

Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 10:29

He’s heavily enmeshed/loyalty binded with his Dad and doesn’t like to think of his dad “helping” me out in any way.

Show quote history

Time for him to live with his father full-time then.

My brother lasted about… 3 months? It did wonders for my mother.

Hopefulsalmon · 16/06/2026 12:37

No I wouldn't lie as 99% of the time I believe honesty is the best policy. However that's almost the least if your worries.
Would your DS be open to therapy? His attitude will be very damaging to himself and others if allowed to continue unchecked.

QuaintBeaker · 16/06/2026 12:35

Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 10:55

He’s 14 and lives with his Dad now. Long story but there’s alienation and enmeshment with Dad, he would despise the idea of his Dad helping me in any way. His dad pleads poverty to DS (he earns 4 times more than I do!) He regularly tells DS how poor he is now because I left him. DS is strongly binded to his Dad.

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So effectively, he doesn't want DS to see that he is willing to "help" you, or that you can amicably sort things between you, because then it ruins the facade he has built for DS of you being the bad one.

I wouldn't be paying anything towards it at all. Don't even get me started on why a 14 year old needs a phone that costs this much 😳

Original poster
Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 12:32

PullingOutHair123 · 16/06/2026 12:25

So the narrative in his home is "ha ha lets make your mum pay for this, and get a bit extra money out of her as well. She's just a woman and that's all she's good for??" Thus further alienating you?

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Hit the nail on the head!

Theres been manipulation where ex even used to say to DS that he didn’t see any of the child benefit (ex told me he would never take anything off me and let me remain claiming it) so DS would be very angry and resentful towards me for “stealing” the child benefit even though I pay for loads of his stuff.

Same went for universal credit-we agreed to share custody and I registered DS at my house, ex then told DS how I’m fraudulently claiming for him! I wasn’t and told UC that he was living with his Dad. This and many more instances of nonsense!

OP posts:
WyrdHag · 16/06/2026 12:31

Your son lives with his dad, hangs on his every misogynistic word and has no respect for you and your ex is doing nothing to address this and everything to stir the pot.

Frankly I'd let your son and your ex deal with the phone.

watchingthishtread · 16/06/2026 12:29

VIII · 16/06/2026 10:48

None of this makes any sense?

Least of all the fact the screen replacement is costing more than many phones. Confused

Ex wants me to....

Ex doesn't get any say in what you do. That's the beauty of being an ex.

Caddycat · 16/06/2026 12:29

Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 12:25

DS also seemed angry that I hadn’t given the money for the phone yet but ex insisted it was to be him to take it in to be repaired and I was waiting for ex to let me know when he had done it (he was dragging his feet saying he was too busy, but I was made to look like the bad guy for not paying)

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OP please you have to help your son, the misogyny is only going to get worse. Your ex pretends he doesn't pay, so he can tell your son you lied, but as a woman you are useless and can't even pay for it and ex had to cover for you. I wouldn't have it anymore and I would report your son's misogyny. Perhaps speak to school about it.

PinkyFlamingo · 16/06/2026 12:28

Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 10:29

He’s heavily enmeshed/loyalty binded with his Dad and doesn’t like to think of his dad “helping” me out in any way.

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But he isn't helping you is he. He's being a parent and paying half.

Mapletree1985 · 16/06/2026 12:27

Never, ever lie for your ex.

He doesn't want to be found out because it will expose his other lie about being so sad and poor and helpless since you left him.

You already have a really bad relationship with your son. Your only hope is to always be truthful with him. Absolutely never lie to protect your ex or further his agenda. If you have proof of how much his father earns and how much you earn, I might consider showing it to your son.

ForeverPombear · 16/06/2026 12:26

According to Google: Replacing an iPhone 16 screen in the UK typically costs between £150 and £400, depending on your provider, the specific model, and whether you need genuine Apple parts. With AppleCare+, screen damage repairs are subject to a flat fee of £29

The bigger problem is your ex and your son. I'm not sure I'd be handing any money over tbh until your son has more respect for you. You said your ex took the money for the meal from child maitenance, he can do the same for this phone.

Original poster
Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 12:25

SomehowItsMay · 16/06/2026 12:10

Your Ex is conning you.

There's no way it costs £200. It's £70-80 absolute tops for a top of the range iPhone screen replacement.

Do not pay anything until you've seen a receipt.

Also this whole thing is weird, you need to take back control of the narrative and stop doing what your ex says.

DS also seemed angry that I hadn’t given the money for the phone yet but ex insisted it was to be him to take it in to be repaired and I was waiting for ex to let me know when he had done it (he was dragging his feet saying he was too busy, but I was made to look like the bad guy for not paying)

OP posts:
PullingOutHair123 · 16/06/2026 12:25

Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 12:21

My ex has told our son I’m paying for it all.

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So the narrative in his home is "ha ha lets make your mum pay for this, and get a bit extra money out of her as well. She's just a woman and that's all she's good for??" Thus further alienating you?

Original poster
Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 12:21

DannyDeever · 16/06/2026 12:11

If your ex is arranging it why would your son ask you if you paid it all? In the unlikely event he asks someone it would be your Ex?

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My ex has told our son I’m paying for it all.

OP posts:
Tableforjoan · 16/06/2026 12:18

The back could cost a lot but the front should only be around £100-£150 max from a decent shop.

WorldCup34b · 16/06/2026 12:18

Don't lie. It will always bite you on the ass

Original poster
Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 12:18

Asq · 16/06/2026 12:17

What make and model is the phone?

iPhone 16 I think?

OP posts:
Asq · 16/06/2026 12:17

What make and model is the phone?

Original poster
Magpiesinthegarden · 16/06/2026 12:17

Gardenisablooming · 16/06/2026 12:15

If ds has a phone worth so much it is likely insured surely? You are being taken for a ride.

I didn’t take out insurance for it, my fault! It is an iPhone 16 I think? To be fair on DS it was his younger sibling that broke the screen (at least that is what ex told me)

OP posts:
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