Ex wants me to lie to DS

Do not play this game and dont reward these little fuckers (father and sons) bad behaviour.

Let him and his dad pay for the phone he allegedly broke. Is it even broken???

I'd also cancel thst phone contract once the term is up

You are being an absolute mug.

If i couldnt take it and repair it myself no way would I pay for this. You must see this is all nonsense ... none of these lies even makes sense...

This is heartbreaking. Your ex has completely poisoned your son against you. How much contact do you have with your son? You need to try and repair the damage now before it's too late. And don't ever lie for your ex as it will come back to bite you.

Your helping your son as is his dad

neither of you are helping each other over this

Are you still receiving CB and UC for DS even though he lives with his dad?

Do you pay his dad maintenance?

OP, I really feel for you. Your son is already an MRA at fourteen.

People are advising therapy, but how do therapists handle situations such as this? Your son may hide his attitude to women and give the therapist a completely false image of the situation. And if he's upfront about how he views women, and the therapist calls him out, won't he just stop attending?

No way. Tell your ex actually he can pay it unless you pick the shop and get the reciept. He’s not on your side one bit ahd you shouldn’t trust him if he tells you what time it is.

or just get a quote at your local shop, share ir with your ex and say I’ll pay half of this. And I’ll tell ds the truht because last time you had me lie to him about you contributing you took it out of maintenance.

im so sorry op, he’s taking your son from you.

Your son needs to see a therapist. He sounds like an incel. You wouldn’t want him to repeat this with a future girlfriend and children. Do something before it’s too late. Don’t pay a penny for your son’s phone repair - your son doesn’t respect you.

Nope.
Ds, the phone is £200,to fix. I have £100:and your Dad will pay £100. Do you want that to happen or would you rather have a broken phone?

Isnt it the other way around though, if you are sending the 50% to exP?
I’d tell the kid that either his parents split the cost, or his phone screen remains bust. If he’s old enough for such an expensive device, he’s old enough to process such an arrangement.
Assuming this lad has expressed such a cavil in the first place of course, and this isn’t exP’s attempt to look, in DS’s eyes, like the sole generous parent.

Well that’s that then. ‘No dickhead ex, last time I did that you took it out of maintenance. I’m just going to tell our son the truth and you can tell him 1. The money is for his phone not for me to buy myself flowers, and 2. Real men help out their kids mum anyway.’

@Magpiesinthegarden This is a very hard situation. Your ds gets angry when women receive help from men? It's worrying if this is what he believes about mothers and I think likely must believe some very problematic things about women in general to hold these views. He's being groomed to be abusive towards women.

Can you speak with pastoral lead at school? I suggest that as with him living with Dad you may not be able to get outside of school supports. I wonder if there's anything in the PHSE curriculum that could help address this? If you speak to school I wouldn't share it as a custody issue/problem with your ex as they won't want to be involved, I'd talk about his growing increasing hostility towards women and wondering (especially in light of the announcement about new strategies to address misogyny in schools) whether there's any current supports that could be directed towards his class, year group etc.

He is emotionally abusing his mother now. How many adult sons kill their mother? Usually after years of using and abusing them.
Should she continue to let him wipe his feet in her, threatening to piss and shit on her photo? He is past helping, he hates her. He can hate her from a distance.
Yes, I am a parent and I would not tolerate this kind of hate aimed towards me. He has a choice, he might be 14 but only he can choose to be a decent human and not a woman hater.
There are many young boys who grew up with similar fathers and didn’t copy the behaviour.

The OP is being so manipulated it’s beyond depressing. Pay nothing without a receipt. I suspect your ex has brainwashed your son and is now gaslighting you too. You all need counselling.

Good God I sooo hope you're not a parent. This child is already being emotionally abused by his father, and now you want his mother to join in too? His problem is not immaturity, its a toxic home environment.

Why is your ex scared of parenting, he should just tell your son he pays half for anything son related. He should also pay half of the contract and upgrades (unless you use maintenance payments for that)

This 💯

What on earth has it got to do with DS? He needs to grow up. This thread is traumatising to read. My goodness, your DS is disgraceful. I understand his father plays a role here.
I am sorry OP. Biological child or not, I’d tell him to fuck off. Not all children are a blessing.
I would pay monthly maintenance like many fathers do and not a penny more.

How can a child dictate how parents work out costs or plans.
Buy a 2nd hand refurb phone!

He’s def conning you. Say you will transfer half the money once he’s done it and sent you the receipt

I don't understand why you're paying anything at all

It happened on Ex's watch at ex's house.

Entirely his responsibility to pay for repairs.

Bit mean to make him pay for it himself if his little brother broke it but that's hardly the chief concern here.

You are being scammed by him.
Why would you trust him in anything he does or says?
He's a proven liar to you.
Pay nothing.
Ring a shop yourself.
I also wouldn't dream of paying anything towards a phone when you are held in sucb contempt.

This is abusive manipulative behaviour to both you and your child, Your ex is lying to both you and your child, and expecting you to lie for him too.

If the phone was damaged in ex's care, it is his responsibility to fix it. If he wants you to contribute he needs to be open and honest about this and give you a copy of the invoice. If he then takes any of the money out of your maintenance then you have effectively paid for it anyway.

My feeling is do not play along with these games, ever. Its like you are giving bullets to a man with a gun and then complaining about getting shot.

Just be honest, in a 'grey rock' style with both of them. Your ex will manipulate and lie as a given, do not give him more ammunition. Tell your son you love him, and you know he loves his dad, but the truth is the truth, and cannot be bent to fit his or his dad's preferred view of the world.

And therapy, if this can be arranged or he will turn out like his dad.

He's not helping you out,he's helping husband son.
Your son should be happy he's getting it fixed without having to pay for it himself!

I am concerned yes. He shows a high level of contempt for me now and has been exposed to ex’s hostility towards women. DS has even talked about destroying photos of me and “pissing/shitting on them” It’s awful.

Just reading your posts and was wondering if your son is becoming a misogynist given his thoughts on maintenance. Honestly I think you are focused on the wrong issue. The issue is your son’s father turning him into a misogynist.