Ex wants me to lie to DS

I’m in the same position as your ex. I have my son full time. DS’s mother contributes nothing, but to be fair to her I have never pursued it. The financials really are a me and her problem. It’s absolutely imperative that children are shielded from conflict and one parent running down the other verbally.

This isn’t “lying” it’s safeguarding. I’ve told my son that both me and his mother BOTH love him very much, but somtime’s we’ll disagree on things (which doesn’t mean either one of us are necessarily right btw). I’ve also told him some stuff I’ll have to keep for when he’s older as my primary job is to give him as happy a childhood and launchpad into life as I possibly can.

I’ve also stressed to him that in the end his Mum and I are each doing our best, even when we disagree but it’s absolutely imperative he doesn’t feel he has to take a side when we conflict.

See the thing is I’ve been in both my son and your son’s position. In that I grew up in a broken home where I was very much hearing one of my parents running down the other. I took sides, but honestly it wrecked a lot in me psychologically, because no matter what you’d do wanna love your parents and identify with both of them. So in my case I ended
up wrestling with a lot of self hatred that should never have been mine to carry.

I’m quite concerned what your son is hearing at his dad’s.

On a side note, use screen protectors in the future!

Your ds's attitude sounds absolutely appalling, op.
I'd be telling him the truth, about all of it. And take action about his attitude to you and his believing your ex. Not sure what that action should be from here, of course, because it's very hard, but maybe if he knows that you always tell him the truth that would be a start.

Your ex sounds like a complete tool… a deceitful duplicitous one. I’d play the game probably. Nip into a local phone repair place… mine sells vapes and looks like nothing but the guys there have replaced my DDs phone screen 2 or 3 times 🙄 for £75 or £80 a time. They’ve just replaced my phone battery for £80. Nip in and see what it would cost and if it’s not £200 you can helpfully tell them that you’ve found a much cheaper place to get it fixed. I fear it will be a drop in the ocean against the tide of whatever is happening but at least you will know. I’m in the South east in an expensive part of the world fyi.

If my son hated me that much I would give him to my ex. Not a chance would I entertain him.

That's a reasonable price for a screen of that type and I'm in a northern working class town

Not much help with your original query but I don't think you're being ripped off.

Never ever lie.

Always ask why he wants you to lie and do it with DS present.

I suspect the screen costs £100 to fix and you will give the money thinking it is for your half of the repair. Then ex will say he paid to fix it and show DS the receipt showing he paid for it all

How does this money change hands. I would wouldn’t be giving ex anything in cash but transferring it to his bank with the reference DS’s phone repair. And I would refuse to accept cash from ex but have him transfer the money into your account with the reference for what it is for

Can you not take this custody arrangement back to court citing parental alienation
Or would SS get involved for abusive parenting

Whilst DS will say he wants to stay with his dad would the inappropriate parenting he is receiving from him come under scrutiny

This is what I love about this new breed of MRAs. They have absolutely no pride. They detest women and think we should all be shackled to the kitchen yet expect to be financially supported by us. At least old-school misogynists paid their own bills.

This is much worse than a simple phone screen the hatred towards you / women form your son is a huge huge gleaming red flag.

I would be inclined to say I was paying nothing and let your ex sort it out.

Your ex has either enabled or given your son some toxic ideas sadly.

He thinks so little of you that says he will shit/piss on your photographs but thinks you should pay to have his phone mended? Tell the entitled little shit to pay for it himself or get his wonderful father to pay for it.

I'm sorry to be saying this, but your ex and DS sound like a pair of oddballs. What an effing carry on....🙄

And so the abuse continues. And your DS is learning from a master!

I think i may have misinterpreted the first few posts, I read it as the ex saying CM as to not upset the son (for whatever bizarre reason) if he was to see the bank transfer, but I've now read more, ie about the parental alienation!

This is crazy. Why are you and your ex letting your child have this much say and control. He wants to be grateful he is getting his phone fixed and surely none of his business who pays. Given he lives with his dad, that cost would more naturally be his dad’s so fact son think you should pay is worrying. This all seems very troubling if i’m honest.

@Magpiesinthegarden £200? A high street place can do it for much less. I’d leave them both to it. You are getting dragged into stuff by your manipulative ex.

Gosh op, I just read your further replies. This man is controlling and abusive. He’s ruining your relationship with you son.

My ex tries this all the time and he’s subtly trying to condition my DD to think women are less and does the whole forced loyalty thing with her. It takes so much of my time and energy trying to rectify what he’s doing. Only yesterday she said climate change is a hoax (his words) Luckily, she lives with me so I can try and counter-balance it but it’s so very difficult.

F-ing hell OP.
I think this is one of the worst things I've read on here (the thing about the photos).
I'm so so sorry.

You can check the official price here. A local place will be cheaper support.apple.com/en-gb/iphone/repair/screen-replacement?services=service

If the phone was broken whilst he was with his dad then his dad can sort it & pay.

If you are supposed to pay re the phone then it should be given to you to take where you want.

This is way more of a problem that who paid for what. Do you mean he’s loyalty bonded? This sounds abusive and will backfire on you if so. Part of loyalty bonding has got to include belittling of you and control of your DS. My ex tries this all the time with my DD and it’s awful and damaging.

This is really awful, I'm sorry OP. I would stop doing anything nice for DS until he improves his attitude towards you.

Who are the parents of the child who broke the phone?

Who bought the phone originally?

(And is the phone repair shop owned by a mate of his?)

I agree with this. All this “he’s just a child” nonsense is ridiculous. He is more than old enough to understand the consequences of his actions. In OP’s shoes I would no longer be prepared to see him or play into these games. He has threatened to shit on photos of her. That is a dangerous individual in the making. I would not be prepared to be alone with him under any circumstances-the awful rise in men killing their own mothers demonstrates the need to be cautious.

OP: pay your legal obligations (child maintenance etc.) and leave it at that. No tit for tat discussions with these two misogynists.