Ex wants me to lie to DS

thats how young boys get sucked in to the ‘manosphere’…

You're tiptoeing around what will make a child "very angry"???

I think maybe you need to stop perpetuating this weird dynamic you've got going with your ex (men control women with their anger, women are expected to manage the feelings of men and lie for them, etc). Do you really want to pass it to the next generation?

Tell the kid the truth, and if he doesn't like it he can do without a new phone screen. Bonkers.

And 14 is old enough for him to hear "your father earns 4x what I do and any claims to be impoverished are untrue". Stop pandering to your ex's crap.

Ah, missed that! Thanks ☺️

Be honest with your son and do not lie to him.

Your ex is taking the piss it won’t cost 200 and I would suggest he get a proper screen cover the chances are if you give him 100 it’s more than enough just ring around a few places the chances are they will tell you 50/60 quid then you can tell ex where it’s much cheaper.

What age is your DS.

He needs to realise that life and adult relationships aren't black and white. Don't lie to your DS, it's just too bad if it doesn't suit him.

The OP says the screen was broken by his brother. Most parents would pay for a replacement in those circumstances.

A few years ago.Samsung quoted me £100 for a screen replacement. I think I did eventually manage to get it cheaper elsewhere. You could buy a whole new (cheap) phone for £200!

He broke it… the responsibility is for HIM to fix it.

fuck me! The entitlement!

your DS is not the boss of you!

Tell your son the truth

about how much more his dad earns than you, about how he is OBLIGATED to support him and how both you and your ex will continue to do so.

WHETHER OR NOT HE LIKES IT.

and if he doesn’t… he can save up and fix his own goddamn phone.

you are raising a misogynistic monster here! Stop this BS now!

Have a zero tolerance policy on lying in our family. Lying doesn’t make an unpalatable truth any easier to swallow when it eventually comes out. Better to sit with the discomfort of the truth than the discomfort of the lie, in my book.

I’d make sure DS knows, but just be casual. ‘Dad and I went 50/50 on the repairs because we have joint financial responsibility for your needs.’ DS doesn’t need to like it in this instance, so he’ll have to accept you’ve made a decision and respect it.

When your son is old enough and mature enough to pay for repairs to items he has damaged then he can have an opinion. For goodness sake has society forgotten to ADULT. He broke the phone he should be grateful it’s getting repaired at all. It’s none of his business who pays for it. Honestly!

There are many more problems that need urgently addressing than a phone screen. I’ve honestly never read so much messed up nonsense 😬😵‍💫

You both have raised a weird woman hating kid. You’re pandering to his unhinged attitude. I’d not be paying a dime for a phone for some kid who thought I deserved not to be pissed on if on fire?

His parents are fixing it. Doesn’t matter you’re divorced or what % each are paying. That’s not a child’s issue to
worry about.

why does it cost £200 to fix though? Cheaper to get a new, refurbished phone?

Sorry OP there is a lot to unpack here, you need to set the record straight with your son. You ex sounds like a piece of work but why on earth are you not standing up for yourself. Why should it just be you paying? Why haven't you expressed your ex is earning a decent amount, get your son in therapy.

No, the son gets angry when his mother gets help from his father. This is not, at the moment, about generalised misogyny I dont think - its about the son's feelings about his mother (anger, betrayal, abandonment? - they may not be fair but I bet he feels them) which his "dear" father is stoking.

I’m not sure who that poster is but it may be the same people.

There is often 3 sides to every story and OP has admitted to being the one to claim CB and UC in the beginning, which obviously isn’t great.

Yes OP has said that this is exactly the problem.

He feels his dad is hard done by and that OP is taking his child benefit etc and so feels like it’s not fair that his dad is paying to fix the screen.

You don’t need to lie.

You just tell him that you gave his dad the money to get the screen fixed - this is true. You don’t need to say you only paid half.

And just be honest about everything else.
I’m assuming his dad is now the one who receives CB and you pay maintenance and so let DS know this.

Give your ex nothing. He earns a lot more than you. He's fostered the parental alienation between you and your son. He's not to be trusted.

You'll be in the wrong with your son no matter what you do. Hopefully his eventual maturity will repair your relationship. Unfortunately he's a 14yr old (potential) chip off the old block atm. Don't allow him to treat you with disrespect. It's totally unacceptable.

I’m in the same position as your ex. I have my son full time. DS’s mother contributes nothing, but to be fair to her I have never pursued it. The financials really are a me and her problem. It’s absolutely imperative that children are shielded from conflict and one parent running down the other verbally.

This isn’t “lying” it’s safeguarding. I’ve told my son that both me and his mother BOTH love him very much, but somtime’s we’ll disagree on things (which doesn’t mean either one of us are necessarily right btw). I’ve also told him some stuff I’ll have to keep for when he’s older as my primary job is to give him as happy a childhood and launchpad into life as I possibly can.

I’ve also stressed to him that in the end his Mum and I are each doing our best, even when we disagree but it’s absolutely imperative he doesn’t feel he has to take a side when we conflict.

See the thing is I’ve been in both my son and your son’s position. In that I grew up in a broken home where I was very much hearing one of my parents running down the other. I took sides, but honestly it wrecked a lot in me psychologically, because no matter what you’d do wanna love your parents and identify with both of them. So in my case I ended
up wrestling with a lot of self hatred that should never have been mine to carry.

I’m quite concerned what your son is hearing at his dad’s.