Am I being abusive?

Honestly get out now before things get worse. If you stay with him you’ll end up burning through all your savings and the rental flat, selling your house and in a council house with no pension.

Stop using your savings as soon as you can. Refuse to bail him out. Buy the bare necessities for you and the kids but nothing for him.

Go and see a solicitor and work out next steps.

Oh and do not back down just because he throws the word abusive out there. It is not abusive to want to make sure you and the kids are financially secure. In fact it’s abusive to refuse to do so in a situation like this. He’s just trying to close the discussion down because he knows you’re right.

Divorce the dick. Yes, he will be entitled to a fair bit but same goes for his pension. He might leave you alone if you offer to leave that intact.
Start getting copies of all financials, see where you are at.
No matter what he walks away with the split will screw him far more than you. He has no regular income to support himself, you will have your wage.
Bet he will start talking about how his business is insolvent once you stop supporting him.

This. He has exploited you enough already. Put your DCs’ interests first and protect your finances as best you can. No, he does not get to run through any profits from selling your property so he can continue his delusional life.

Well he can sort himself out then.

You must prioritise your DC’s stability and that means a secure home and enough to live on. If he will not do the same he needs to go.

Now that is abusive behaviour - him refusing to pull his weight during a time of stress. Not to say childish, immature and the rest.

I'd recommend you think hard sbout staying with him. If he is this petulant at 50, he's gonna be a nightmare grumpy old man.

The abuse is him leaving all the financial responsibility to the OP and refusing to discuss anything so she's left in a constant state of panic as her savings reduce.

Maybe unpopular opinion these days, but I think the word abusive gets to be overused, to mean not fully supporting me in everything I want. More commonly, the situation you describe is the woman wanting what you say your partner wants here, but nothing here screams abuse tome. It's a difference of opinion.

And stop spending endless hours trying to analyse your behaviour and whether you're being abusive. That sort of thinking will lead to you being over-fair with the divorce settlement. He's taken a lot of money from you so you take as much as you can.

You are being financially abused here. Stop enabling him to pretend he's running a business.

I wouldn't waste any more of your energy on this person. He's not going to change so I'd leave now while you can still afford it. Take control of the situation and stop pleading with him to talk.

Its long past time to stop listening to his nonsense. He's strung you along for years, he's failed his children and wife, and now he's lashing out. Presumably you have no respect for him left anyway? His choice to effectively end the marriage already, as he's not playing for the team.

he will only sleep and see the children in the new house. He won’t be in it.

Might as well divorce him then

How do you mean?

Too much Soup?

Why do so many folks put “ barley” instead of barely?

His failing business is financial suicide.

He is being abusive. And also a tremendous wassock.

Of all the 'this is not a solution', this is the biggest, 'this is not a solution', of ALL the not a solutions.

His business has failed. Stop pouring money into it. Do not sell your property to fund a failed business to prop your husband's ego. It's time for him to face facts. He's under capitalized, his businessay not have a viable plan, but wasting money by renting an office and whatever else he's doing needs to be finished.

If anything, he's financially abusive with his insistence that you fund his failed business with your savings. He's obviously going to strip you financially until you have nothing or go into debt.

See a good lawyer.

Don't rock the boat until the house sale goes through. Nod and smile and humour him until you're shot of the larger house and there's no chance of him torpedoing the sale.

Then get a divorce in motion. This is no way to live. You'll lose out, since it sounds like you have more assets, but his pension will be offset against that. Much better to do it now and recover financially than wait 10 years until things are even worse.

You need to leave him , even if you lose out financially initially it will be worth it . You cannot spend the rest of your life with this person .

My in-laws lost several massive, expensive houses over the years ploughing money in the my FIL's failing businesses. They ended up in a shitty bungalow with not a penny left for their kids...
They had a 6 bed house in West London and a Cotswolds house with a pool at one point!
Don't cover a failing business. You will all drown.

Why does he think he can use all of your savings to support his lack of earnings - seriously? He cannot expect you to carry the load whilst he pontificates. He really needs to grow up. Does he go through life being disagreeable?

I tried to start a business years ago. It didn’t work because I didn’t have the money to get the traction to get it off the ground. We tried for years and finally I went back to work. In the meantime a few people I know are now earning well because they stuck at it and got the loans I couldn’t get but making a business work is lonely because everyone is rolling their eyes really and telling you you need to go get a real job until it makes money and it’s only then they’re clapping you on the back. If ye can’t afford for him not to work ye can’t afford it. I think it comes down to how willing he is to work on the marriage ahead of the business and whether he can learn to talk to you rationally (which is hard because you do feel attacked but that’s it his head)

I think he's extremely lucky that you have bank rolled him to indulge his business failure. And, the pittance he contributes to the household expenses. You are most defintely not being unreasonable. He is. I personally would lose all respect for a man like this. You have come up with a very good compromise that enables him to basically continue earning virtually nothing and to offset this with a partime job. Yet, he has intepreted this as abusive behaviour. I am afraid he is the one being abusive financially and comparitively to your input. Any self respecting man puts family first. Not his own lazy ass.