AIBU to think that all men are…

You said:

"How on earth have I “attracted” my male relatives, my friends partners, my male colleagues? I haven’t, they are simply in my orbit. And yes, most range from vaguely incompetent to utterly vile twats."

So most of the men that you notice around you are this way inclined..all except your magical husband (for now at least). You fit my pattern entirely. You were raised by these type of men so expect all men to meet this negative stereotype.

I work with a lot of wonderful men but obviously have zero idea how they are as husbands or fathers. They’re great at their job, that’s all I know and they’re kind, generous with time and patient with lovely temperaments. I’ve never had to feel afraid or weird around them.

One of them is a poor timekeeper and rubbish at responding to emails so I imagine out of all, he’s the most irritating partner. He’s a bit strange anyway in that he left his wife for a PhD student but she’d also been there as an undergrad. People are wary of him still as a result. I tried not to judge because they’re still together a decade on so clearly a good match.

I do love these assumptions, expressed with such confidence! You are wrong on all counts. I do know SOME decent men. And my own DH is a decent man thanks. I just find them to be very much the exception rather than the rule. It’s not “confirmation bias” it’s actual life experience. I’m old enough and smart enough to know the difference.

Oh good. Another man bashing thread. Mumsnet really does like living up to it’s reputation.

i don’t know any useless men. You’ve just been very unlucky in life

My Dad is a complete bellend, one of my brothers is a predator and the others are relatively benign and a complete bully.

Thankfully I married a good one and I work with lots of really nice, capable, involved, competent men that for the most part I really like.

I think all people have some mix of prosocial and antisocial traits but I do think very antisocial traits are far more tolerated in men historically and culturally. It has not been good for them that this is the case.

No it makes a lot of sense. Firstly, one gets raised in an environment with these useless men and that makes them expect to be useless. You then go through life dismissing the men who do not meet this stereotype, and attaching yourself to men who dobas part of your confirmation bias.

Then, the people that become your female friends are people who generally share your worldviews so these are also women who have shared your experience of all men being useless. It's something you bond over. So that cements your worldview.

Take Andrew Tate and his friends. Nobody is saying that no woman has the mentality they speak of. There are definitely women that do. The reasons why him and his friends solely attract women who fit this stereotype is far more about them than women generally.

This makes zero sense. Obviously.

Birds of a feather, flock together.

Horseshit. How on earth have I “attracted” my male relatives, my friends partners, my male colleagues? I haven’t, they are simply in my orbit. And yes, most range from vaguely incompetent to utterly vile twats.

I suppose I am lucky. My DH of 36 years is wonderful. My dad was a decent bloke. My DB likewise. FIL was apparently a bit useless when younger but improved as he got older.

I do think having a good, present, loving father stands a woman in good stead when it comes to choosing a good partner. You know what to look for. And you know what is not acceptable.

So what did your friends who have sons say when you told them that you think their offspring are just useless shits?

Personally, most of the men I know in real life are really good people. I know some problematic ones, but I also know some really problematic women too.

There’s no denying that men as a group are incredibly problematic however.

Your list also applies to many women 😂

This is it 100% - dare I say you shouldn't even be commenting if you haven't hit perimenopause 🤣 Enlightenment will come. Once it does - just wow. You realise what a slave you have been to your treacherous hormones. The world looks very different.

I feel that way now and I’m 36 and not perimenopausal

Most people are useless

Oh my goodness. Could you not have consoled yourself on one of the other threads on this topic? There are plenty about. It’s beyond repetitive. .

Not all, but loads. I used to listen in disbelief to the stories of work colleagues' husbands. (eg frequently very drunk, poor personal hygiene, prioritising hobbies/mates over family, crap sex life, inappropriate remarks) and go home and hug my lovely husband who, while not perfect, is clean, tidy, loving and responsible. I definitely found a good one ❤️

I can only imagine the reaction if you’d put out a post saying “all women / 99% of women are…… <insert your own insult>”

But go ahead OP and enjoy your thread 🙄

No i don't have this experience. You attract what you put out I suppose.

Absolutely this.

Ironically, if you read any such thread, you could reasonably leave it thinking 99% of women are absolute cunts and/or unhinged/bitter. Not really a representative example though.

Don’t go back to dating men then, no-one cares except you I suspect 🤷‍♀️

And why would anyone care enough to prove you wrong?

What would anyone here have to gain?

These threads occur on an almost daily basis, so enjoy your man-free life and don’t give it any more thought 🌺

Yep. There are a few good ones out there but the majority are useless.

I love my OH dearly but he is generally incompetent and often thoughtless. If we split up or anything happens to him, I wouldn't have another man if he was gift wrapped.

Sad to agree that I personally don’t know any good men - Father, brothers, partners all been bad apples.

I have heard there are some though. 🧐

Most, not all. The vast majority of men are astoundingly selfish, and I have stayed single for that reason. I refuse to waste my life cleaning up after some selfish lazy sod.

However I admit that I have finally met a decent one at work. He is married to a lady who had one child and now they have a second together. He treats both children as his own, adores them both, loves his wife and can't do enough for her. And best of all, he does it all happily.

I am working with a unicorn 😁