AIBU to think that all men are…

I think the idea comes from MN as women only tend to post about bad husbands and if you don't have men in your life to prove them wrong it's easy to resign this.

I am lucky cos I am surrounded by good men: my husband is amazing, he has taken my disabilty in his stride and has really stepped up, looking after me and pushing for all the things that I'm entititled to as a young disabled person. My FiL is awesome, a dying breed of men who knows how to do things and though he can only visit a couple of times a year and is in his 70's every time he comes he fixes something. My father died in 2011 but he was my hero and I have never loved anyone more. I have others but I will leave it at this.

IME yes. My brother is actually pretty decent and very involved as a father. But he’s also had a lifetime of being told how amazing he is.

Not all men, but the vast majority.

And some women have been groomed to believe all men are horrible, in fact I think a good majority of women who post on this site believe that to be the case.

The fact is some men are horrible,just as some are lovely, the same applies to women.

I feel that men are inherently selfish and being all “me first” is a message that’s driven into them from childhood. Not all men obviously. Women are raised from a young age to be caring, nurturing to put family first etc. Which I don’t agree with either.

Do you think that's because fathers are much too dominant in bringing up and raising children, and thus they naturally have far more influence than the children's mothers - who are presumably either not allowed to have any part in bringing up their children after birthing them or are otherwise simply not interested in doing so?

Yes but some people have been groomed to see females as so benign and helpless that they can't cause proper harm

My mother once told me that ALL men use their penises as weapons. I was 8. What a great way to introduce me to the idea of healthy sexual relationships.

No, no all men are awful. Men are, like women, individuals and so different. Some are great some are awful and most are ordinary and ordinarily flawed.

That’s not to say that our society isn’t still wildly skewed towards men. But so too is our society set up to benefit the richest amongst us and to value big business above lives and the environment.

But beyond the wider workings of society, I find this grouping and labelling of people, that is increasing nowadays, pushing individuals into boxes, terrifying. This idea that all of any race, sex, creed or country are bad or good, is madness. Surely we should be able to view the actions, for instance, of a country’s government as awful without demonising that country and its people as a whole. We should be able to point out, for example, that the Israeli government are committing genocide without also saying that all Israelis are inherently bad (and certainly not take that wider to all jews) and equally we should be able to point out that what Hammas has done is awful while also acknowledging that the Palestinian people do not deserve to be wiped off the face of the planet!
Just because Trump and his government are doing terrible things does not make all Americans terrible. Just as not all Russians want what Putin does. And equally not all members of some community are wonderful just because that community is a minority and under attack. It’s about greys and nuance.

I’m sorry that you’ve had some awful experiences of men. But it’s not all men. It’s some. Absolutely there is a cultural and societal issue. But that’s wider than the individuals.

And we need them don’t we? Really. I always remember hearing Jane Goodall speak about how she and her team managed to turn around the poaching and environmental crisis in Tanzania. Their first feeling was to hate the poachers and want nothing to do with them. But then they realised that the only way to change things was to work with them, to understand them and too to use their enormous knowledge of the area and the animals. They engaged with them and soon many of the poachers became rangers guarding and looking after those chimpanzees they had previously hunted and helping to engage with the wider community to understand these wonderful creatures and find ways to protect the animals, increase the forests and at the same time make the lives of the people living there better.

Putting up walls and creating monsters and ‘othering’ never helps.

It is victim blaming, and no. When the entire water in which we swim isn't sexist, then we call start blaming women for not raising their sons better.

'Handmaidens' 😁
Arshole behaviour is certainly not confined to men....women can be even bigger twats, just in different ways.

These threads kind of make me sigh, because lots of posters come on here moaning they are left to parent the children, that the father does nothing. This is a legitimate moan if you put aside the fact that why are women letting the blokes get away with it and not putting their foot down the very first time they tried to pull that trick and every single time they try to avoid childcare until it isn't an issue anymore. But by the same token, if the women ARE being made to do 100% of the parenting, why aren't the male children being raised better? To NOT be useless, to NOT be useless idiots who can't use and iron or a washing machine. SOMEONE is not teaching these men to be useful snd respectful, and if women are moaning that the men are absent then it's the women that are allowing it.

I'm not sure I'm explaining that coherently. Basically, it's an unequivocal given that men should step up of their own accord and teach their sons to be useful members of society and to teach their daughters to not accept anything less than an equal partner. That being said, since they aren't, and women are apparently being left to do it, then surely women have to accept some of the blame that the up and coming men are useless? That's not victim blaming, but it has to be at least 50% on women's shoulders?

Does that make sense? If women (for whatever reason) are the only parent in the equation, then why aren't men growing up better as surely they are mainly being influenced by the women? The may SEE the bad bevaviour of their fathers and other men, but surely then they get more influence from their mothers showing them and telling them that this is way NOT to be?

For what it's worth, my husband is fabulous, a total equal partner in every way and a wonderful role model. But then I wouldn't have accepted anything less!

Completely agree!

I don't think many men are entirely useless i think what comes first is they are selfish. Which then informs their uselessness so they can default to women in their lives.

Many men aren't useless at their jobs or hobbies.

My husband isn't useless but he knows I'd divorce him at the slightest whiff of weaponised incompetence. It's something that infuriates him about other men. He has integrity so it's not just about the consequences of losing me but his internal code of conduct. Many men don't even know such a thing exists, which is scary in many ways.

I didn't date anyone before him for very long once I saw how selfish they were.

I feel that men are inherently selfish and being all “me first” is a message that’s driven into them from childhood. Not all men obviously. Women are raised from a young age to be caring, nurturing to put family first etc. Which I don’t agree with either.

My DH is naturally selfish, but works hard not to be. He has to actively choose, whereas it comes more naturally to me. He won’t think to put anyone else’s clean clothes away, only his. He’ll not think to leave the kids favourite snacks alone so there’s enough for them etc. He’s not a bad husband or father, but has to work at it.

You see it with grandparents too. The boomer generation of women have had enough! They’ve literally raised kids whilst working, put themselves last and then now getting slated for not being willing to be full time childminders for their grandchildren, whilst grandfathers just get to crack on as they’ve always been able to do, no judgement. Yes, there are extremes in the ‘it’s my time now’ camp as there are also grandfathers who will happily help out with childcare. My Dad got to skip off after my parents divorce and start a new life, never putting any input of effort back into his children, whilst my mum held down a full time medical job, looked after her mother, two young teens and often had to help out with her ex husbands mother because he wouldn’t. But there was no judgement or expectations cast at him.

The younger generation of women in Gen Z are hyper aware at what men are like, so they’re ejecting it and them. Love it!

It makes as much sense to say "all men are useless" as it would be to say "all women are bitchy/ weak/ dirty/ useless" whatever expletive is used against us.

But if you are happy with making hateful generalisation, you are just missing out on the potential that the other half of the population offer, which is a bit weird.

And neither do you yet your assuming thier all evil when you don't know anything about them some of the biggest cunts I know are female

It was a man that convinced me to get a pap smear it's because of him they found the cervical cancer before it killed me

It's very reassuring to know that MN - with its majority-female user base - is no better than those toxic man-havens are. I do love it when everybody aims for the lowest common denominator.

TBF, my husband is a legend

But luckily for other women - even those who've never met him - he is a man, so they can safely denounce him as a shit person along with all the rest.

It’s clearly demonstrably wrong.

A man saved my life in hospital three years ago while, frankly, a load of female clinicians dithered about. He was decisive, highly skilled, and clearly not “useless”. He was called in and had it diagnosed and took action, when others left me in pain for hours unsure what to do.

Men do remarkable and amazing things every day, as do women.

Some of the biggest dicks I’ve met in my life have been women. Conversely some of the finest people I’ve ever met have been men.

Men and women aren’t homogenous masses who are all the same, and nobody is perfect.

In my experience most people are fairly awful, men and women. I definitely don't think men are intrinsically worse than women. If I look back over my 50 years on this earth, I can honestly say that nice/nasty distribution for me has been equal across the sexes.

People often say on here that you only have to look at the threads about awful husbands and boyfriends to determine that men are terrible. But those people probably ought to consider all the threads about friends, mothers, MILs, SILs and DILs too. I honestly think that women are just as likely as men to be total cunts.

My first husband was useless, he'd come straight from living with his mum who did everything for him to live with me, and guess what? I did everything for him because he'd do it badly if I asked (or as he'd put it - nagged) him to do it.

My current partner lived on his own for a good few years before I met him and I could see he kept a clean house and was very organised so since I moved in we take an equal share in all the jobs (except I cook more and he fixes stuff more coz that's what we're good at).

We as women are trained by society to keep our man happy and the expectations laid down in early days are hard to break. As it is a misogynous world we live in it's up to us to set expectations at the start of a relationship and hope that society evolves to make men and women more equal.

I have to say, I know more good men than bad and I am single. Even my ex is now a better man than when we were together.

There are a few men in my office that I thank God I'm not attached to; and that's based purely on the shit that comes out of their mouths. That aside, most of the men I know are reasonable, well-adjusted and useful fellas.

The older I get the more I think this. Men are intrinsically selfish. The only time men are nice is when they think they’re going to get something out of it, usually sex.

Thats the thing, most women who consider themselves decent would not associate with men like Tate. The same goes for decent men. They will avoid women they see as toxic like the plague. The men attracted to that toxicity will be comparably toxic.

This is really provocative and insulting.
All the men I know are capable, hardworking and kind. Then again I don't hang around with arseholes. There are male and female arseholes by the way.

This has just made me laugh. Are you determined that I can’t have a different view if experience ?