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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that all men are…

185 replies

Millie2008 · 16/06/2026 00:09

… really pretty useless?! Well not all men I’m sure.
But a lot of them.
I just feel like I’m seeing examples of useless men
every way I turn…
-weaponised incompetence
-childishness
-selfishness
-carelessness
the list goes on…

I feel like once you see it you can’t unsee it. Friends, family, personal experience, out in public, everywhere!

Happy to be proved wrong

I was just thinking, I’m not sure I can ever go back
to dating men. At my stage of life they will likely be divorced men. And all I’ll be thinking is what did you do to piss your ex off enough to want to leave you…

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
nomas · 18/06/2026 12:12

AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · 18/06/2026 10:57

It doesn't make it OK to try to control and manipulate people, just because you don't succeed at it.

Who said it was up to women to build up men? If some/all men are not acceptable to you, nobody is forcing you in any way to have a relationship with them - if they are, that's a police matter.

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Except she didn’t say she tried to control and manipulate her husband, you’ve made that up.

AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · 18/06/2026 10:57

nomas · 17/06/2026 14:00

Did you miss the part where she said it didn’t work? Hardly a secret to success.

It shouldn’t be up to women to build up men anyway.

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It doesn't make it OK to try to control and manipulate people, just because you don't succeed at it.

Who said it was up to women to build up men? If some/all men are not acceptable to you, nobody is forcing you in any way to have a relationship with them - if they are, that's a police matter.

BrendaSmall · 17/06/2026 22:15

Millie2008 · 17/06/2026 00:14

Yes I really think you are!

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Oh definitely, we’re still best friends after all these years and still do lots together

TrishM80 · 17/06/2026 21:42

Not many women working on oil rigs or building skyscrapers.

Or restoring a town's electricity during a thunderstorm in the middle of the night.

Indeed, not many women can change a car tyre unassisted (I'd estimate maybe 5% can manage it, max).

So I guess we have to rely on useless men to do all that? 🙄

Original poster
Millie2008 · 17/06/2026 21:16

FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · 17/06/2026 08:30

Why is that?
It seems from your OP that you're not in a relationship with a man.

Whose mental an practical load are you carrying and why do you do that?

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Currently going through a separation with 2 children 1 of whom have significant disabilities. Now the separation is definitely going ahead, the kids dad has totally checked out and is happy to sit back whilst I carry all of the load to move the separation forward at the same time as all the day to day stuff

OP posts:
Retunue · 17/06/2026 15:11

nomas · 17/06/2026 13:58

If her post was sexist, it would have been deleted. So your shaming of a woman is unnecessary.

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Her post is inherently sexist. She should at least own it (maybe she does).

If you say all men or all women are useless, that’s inherently sexist.

If someone said all [insert race] were useless, presumably you’d view that as racist?

Well the same applies.

NovemberMorn · 17/06/2026 14:34

LanyardSpaghetti · 17/06/2026 13:58

@NovemberMorn I strongly suspect a great many mothers, and fathers, have in past taken great care to instil in their offspring the types of values they'd like them to exhibit. I also suspect it's thanks to them (thankyou, MIL and FIL) that there are some fairly fine men and good role models around who live out those values.

Well yes, that's just what I strongly suspect too. 😊

LittleMissClutter · 17/06/2026 14:05

nomas · 17/06/2026 13:58

If her post was sexist, it would have been deleted. So your shaming of a woman is unnecessary.

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I'm sorry?

You're far from new to Mumsnet.

You know full well all the 'I hate all men' posts are left to stand.

Don't pretend they get deleted.

nomas · 17/06/2026 14:00

AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · 17/06/2026 13:54

Ah, so the secret to a worthwhile relationship is to find a partner whom you reckon you will be able to control, mould and manipulate into whatever you desire them to be?

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Did you miss the part where she said it didn’t work? Hardly a secret to success.

It shouldn’t be up to women to build up men anyway.

nomas · 17/06/2026 13:58

LittleMissClutter · 17/06/2026 13:51

I'll shame anyone if they're showing themselves to be sexist, racist, ageist or disablist.

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If her post was sexist, it would have been deleted. So your shaming of a woman is unnecessary.

LanyardSpaghetti · 17/06/2026 13:58

@NovemberMorn I strongly suspect a great many mothers, and fathers, have in past taken great care to instil in their offspring the types of values they'd like them to exhibit. I also suspect it's thanks to them (thankyou, MIL and FIL) that there are some fairly fine men and good role models around who live out those values.

AWeeCupOfTeaAndAnIndividualFruitTrifle · 17/06/2026 13:54

Bertiebiscuit · 17/06/2026 08:40

Being married is like going to "Build a bear", the woman has to try to create an acceptable human being from a collection of random bits and pieces.Tried it once, too much work for too little reward, never lived with a man again. Quite happy

Ah, so the secret to a worthwhile relationship is to find a partner whom you reckon you will be able to control, mould and manipulate into whatever you desire them to be?

LittleMissClutter · 17/06/2026 13:51

nomas · 17/06/2026 13:37

I care about her lived experiences. Don’t shame women into not talking.

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I'll shame anyone if they're showing themselves to be sexist, racist, ageist or disablist.

nomas · 17/06/2026 13:37

LittleMissClutter · 17/06/2026 13:29

You care that an internet random is so bigoted she thinks over 4 billion men are useless?

Strange but ok then.

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I care about her lived experiences. Don’t shame women into not talking.

LittleMissClutter · 17/06/2026 13:29

nomas · 17/06/2026 11:22

Don’t go back to dating men then, no-one cares except you I suspect 🤷‍♀️

I care. Don’t speak for everyone.

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You care that an internet random is so bigoted she thinks over 4 billion men are useless?

Strange but ok then.

MickyMoonshine · 17/06/2026 11:28

6ate9 · 17/06/2026 11:11

The problem isn’t most men not knowing how to contribute to a relationship, to the effective running of a household or to society more generally, it’s that they don’t do it the way the women want it done!!!!

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Where is your evidence that this is the case for all women? Actual evidence not anecdotes from your own relationship.

NovemberMorn · 17/06/2026 11:26

ChrisTheBastard · 17/06/2026 11:21

It's absolutely true.
Men are:

  • Salivating, violent, priapic, lazy, impulsive, dishonest, exploitative, unrefined, misogynistic cruel, meat-headed sociopathic perverts

Women are:

  • Selfless, caring, funny, intelligent, resourceful, considered, adaptive independent, holistic-thinking, collaborative model citizens

Rarely have I seen such a well-argued post, OP. I am grateful.

Edited

You missed out

Men...Twats and Cunts.

Women...Saints.

NovemberMorn · 17/06/2026 11:24

Chunkychips23 · 17/06/2026 10:21

Oh I absolutely agree with you! My mum didn’t take any of my dad’s nonsense, hence the divorce. He saw how badly he treated our mother and vowed never to be like that. He’s the best man and best human I know.

My mum raised him to be a good man. As I’m raising my sons to be. I don’t want my boys to grow up being the cause of any woman’s distress. I want them to be her peace not her problem.

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That's brilliant, and as a mum/nan to boys, I have done exactly the same.

By the same token, had I had daughters, I would have been the kind of strong mum my own mother was. Instilling in them self-worth, knowing what is right and wrong in relationships, in the hope that they would have grown into strong, independent women who had the capabilities to go through life with kindness and the common sense to know that there is good and bad everywhere.

nomas · 17/06/2026 11:22

LittleMissClutter · 16/06/2026 02:00

Don’t go back to dating men then, no-one cares except you I suspect 🤷‍♀️

And why would anyone care enough to prove you wrong?

What would anyone here have to gain?

These threads occur on an almost daily basis, so enjoy your man-free life and don’t give it any more thought 🌺

Don’t go back to dating men then, no-one cares except you I suspect 🤷‍♀️

I care. Don’t speak for everyone.

ChrisTheBastard · 17/06/2026 11:21

It's absolutely true.
Men are:

  • Salivating, violent, priapic, lazy, impulsive, dishonest, exploitative, unrefined, misogynistic cruel, meat-headed sociopathic perverts

Women are:

  • Selfless, caring, funny, intelligent, resourceful, considered, adaptive independent, holistic-thinking, collaborative model citizens

Rarely have I seen such a well-argued post, OP. I am grateful.

NovemberMorn · 17/06/2026 11:14

LanyardSpaghetti · 17/06/2026 07:46

Perhaps their worlds aren't so binary as this suggests. Perhaps they have hope that they can create a home environment and, to a limited extent, an external environment, in which their boys are brought up which could make them less likely to exhibit misogynistic behaviour than the men of their own generation.

Maybe they point out people they think are good role models, and explain why, and maybe they also point out people they think are poor role models, and explain why. Perhaps they tell their sons they have agency and capacity and can choose how they use those abilities in their lives. Perhaps they see bringing up boys well as one of the single most powerful changes they themselves can bring to bear in the world.

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Perhaps mothers have done exactly this in the past, and have raised good honest sons who have evolved into good honest husbands, dads, grandads.

It's a mystery to me why so many women (on here) dont seem to have met any.

And I do think, if some of these women who hate and distrust the majority of men do have sons, the poor kids will be at a disadvantage from birth.

6ate9 · 17/06/2026 11:11

MickyMoonshine · 17/06/2026 10:54

Nah. You’re just trotting out outdated stereotypes to justify poor behaviour.

There are women who can be considered ‘hard work’ as you put it as we’re not one homogenous group. But the old trope about men having to guess what women want etc is just utter nonsense.
As a fully functioning adult it shouldn’t be difficult to understand what you need to do to contribute to a relationship, to the effective running of a household or to society more generally. If you are waiting for a woman to tell you how to do any of those things then you are the problem.

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The problem isn’t most men not knowing how to contribute to a relationship, to the effective running of a household or to society more generally, it’s that they don’t do it the way the women want it done!!!!

MickyMoonshine · 17/06/2026 10:54

6ate9 · 17/06/2026 10:40

Truth hurts!!!

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Nah. You’re just trotting out outdated stereotypes to justify poor behaviour.

There are women who can be considered ‘hard work’ as you put it as we’re not one homogenous group. But the old trope about men having to guess what women want etc is just utter nonsense.
As a fully functioning adult it shouldn’t be difficult to understand what you need to do to contribute to a relationship, to the effective running of a household or to society more generally. If you are waiting for a woman to tell you how to do any of those things then you are the problem.

6ate9 · 17/06/2026 10:40

MickyMoonshine · 17/06/2026 10:35

Hahahahahaha

Keep telling yourself that if it make you feel better.

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Truth hurts!!!

MickyMoonshine · 17/06/2026 10:35

6ate9 · 17/06/2026 08:44

Men could say the same about women!!! Men have to second guess what women actually mean and want. If the man doesn’t do it the way the woman wants, he is seen as incompetent!!! I can understand why more men are not bothering with relationships. A lot of women are HARD work!!!

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Hahahahahaha

Keep telling yourself that if it make you feel better.