How insistent should one be that 12yr old boy washes properly?

Please insist. Think of his teachers if nothing else.

I remember this Well, I gave my son two options shower at night Before bed or before school in the morning with no negotiation, it worked just have to be very firm

I reckon fully 90% of parenting is just saying the same thing over and over and over and over again. 🙇🏼‍♀️
Your kid’s dad needs to be saying the same thing. It’s not just down to you.

How insistent? Very.

Absolutely stay on top pf his hygiene and make sure he does either by ordering him or having consequences. I’ll still go in to wash DS11 if he has smelly armpits/bum/willy!

Buy him some male shower gel and anything to encourage cleaning..electric toothbrush.
I rem my sibling sitting in the bathroom running the shower at that age...filthy bugger.

My ds (12) started with this behaviour not so long ago. He had previously been perfectly capable of coming out of the shower clean and fresh, he had just slipped into not doing a proper job of it as puberty started to hit.

It soon stopped when he got frog marched back to the bathroom, with me camped outside, dictating exactly what to wash, and in which order, every time he came out of the shower inadequately clean. He seemed to decide that doing it properly first time was an easier option.

Please don't let it slide op. No one likes a soap dodger

Oh I hated this stage! We had exactly the same thing. I eventually did give up for a bit, hoping it would reach a crisis point by itself. And it did. There was one particular family
occasion when it was very hot and genuinely he absolutely stank. It was horrible. But I think it was a self wake up call. Not long after this he suddenly went to showering every day without anyone asking. He’s now gone the opposite and for many years (he’s 19) has insisted on showering twice a day and hates feeling unclean in anyway. It is a stage, I promise! I think he was 13.5-14 when it changed.

Mine were showering every day from when they started secondary school. Just part of the morning routine. Their duvet is pulled back to allow the bed to air during showering and once they are dressed they then flip the duvet back into place. Bed made.This isn't sheets and blankets, just a duvet, not hard to do.

I showed them photos of metal pegs drilled into the jaw bone because if you lose a tooth that is how they give you a new one. Also horrific tartar build up photos. Even bought disclosure tablets when they were little so they could see if they were brushing effectively. So teeth brushing has always happened.

How to help them remember all this> Wipeable daily tick chart on a noticeboard in their room. Some things are daily, others were on set days like strip the bed to put it into the washing machine. Dishwasher emptying days and bin emptying too. Tick charts are available on Etsy.

The tick chart means they don't have to remember everything just to look at the chart, you don't have to nag. But there are expected levels of cleanliness, this includes body, including a monthly testical check in the shower, armpit scrubbing with a bar of soap, cleaning under the foreskin and clean clothes. Non-negotiable. Yes I have sons, they are now young adults and are clean and tidy.

As we had their phones overnight, they only got them back if their daily tasks were all done.

Absolutely this!!! Decent personal hygiene is not optional.

You could however have a conversation with him about when he’d like to shower and maybe involve him in product choice. My DS (also 13) decided he’d prefers to get his shower over with as soon as he’s home from his after school activities when he gets out of his uniform, and then often gets straight into his PJs. Personally I think that’s odd and the normal times to shower are either first thing in the morning or last thing at night, but what matters is that he has a shower once every 24 hours and it doesn’t matter when. Also, he has recently gotten fussy about how he wears his hair and got me to buy him some mad influencer brand shampoo which was mildly overpriced but the few extra quid is worth it to not have to battle with him about hair washing. Ditto letting him choose his own deodorant.

Hygiene is non-negotiable.

I would let the bed-making go tbh. It’s his room, it’s not causing problems, there’s no negative consequences to an unmade bed.

Op my son was like this age 12, I nageged daily but it wasn’t until age 16 something clicked and now he showers daily and properly cares, but you honestly can’t give up, but just I feel for you

I really wouldn’t bother about making the bed. But not stinking is essential. Shower and teeth clean.

My Dsis has two teenagers, they take a daily 30 minute shower each. They cost a fortune.

It’s hard work. But persist! We also had the chat about being smelly etc. following you through school. But there was still a fair bit of being on his case about it (until he became obsessed by his hair). But also watch out for t-shirts getting smelly pits at that age. I went through a lot of dettol laundry and vinegar when I realised some of the boy smell was actually coming from freshly washed t-shirts rather than him.

Perfect!

I’m in bed listening to my DD shower going for about the last 20mins. That’s the argument in our house.

The bed, god just leave it.

Washing, insist.

Not all things are equal here

Hexactly!

No wash no wifi.

Passing the sniff test (lucky mum!) required.

I can still hear my cousin (who is an excellent parent) saying

“have you had a shower?”

Teen son “yes Mum”

Cousin “have you had a shower today?”

Son is now a doctor so her work paid off. But she did have to work at it at the time.

Yes. You’ll have to bring in punishments or a deal
of some sort to help him get motivated.

in my opinion think it’s 100% our job as parents to teach and enforce good hygiene standards. And to ensure they dont have rotten teeth!
my boys are 11, 6 and 2 though so I’m yet to experience the joys of preteen/teen. But I wrestle toddler to brush teeth twice a day for 2 minutes, and I still go over the 11year olds if he’s missed any areas!

My son Is 15.

as soon as I noticed teenage smells, greasiness and spots I was on it.

my 2 elder boys were the same and their Dad ( now ex) was dismissive and said that it’s normal ( of course it is!) but I should leave alone and let them deal with it themself so not to embarrass them.

they later admitted that it was their peers at school that told them to use deodorant and that they smelt so they were both mortified.

so I’m on it with my youngest son.

I explain how being a bit smelly and looking grubby can follow a kid through school and make life really uncomfortable for them. He has deodorants, his own body wash he chooses himself, shampoo and I ensure he puts spot cream on his face as he has the inevitable teenage skin.

its under control and I started early so its second nature to him now.

you’re being a good mum by making him take accountability for his own hygiene …

Hygiene was non negotiable in our house. Our youngest was given the choice, get in the shower, get scrubbed or DH would do it for him, we never had another issue because he knew DH was true to his word. We never had an issue with the rest of our children. It was the same rules for rooms, beds made daily, dirty clothes in laundry baskets, the rooms had to be hoovered, dusted and clean bedding put on weekly. They all showered daily too. Your DH should be setting an example, it’s disgusting not brushing teeth at least twice a day.

if whiffy -no wifi

@aneveningatthecricketit's pretty normal for teens to have this phase. they push boundaries and also undergo massive bodily and hormonal changes that they need to get used to.

fwiw that age I had to send my teens back to actually use soap. after they have stood under the shower for what felt like an hour.