How insistent should one be that 12yr old boy washes properly?

Consistent use of Perspirex deodorant (roll on) got rid of the locker-room stench when DS was going through puberty. It carries on working for a couple of days even if they forget. CeraVe foaming face wash was a good find, too.
Smelly damp trainers and polyester-mix school uniform were other culprits.
But then I met his University room-mate who was lactose intolerant but did nothing to avoid dairy.
Holy moly that lad was stinky, in spite of showering daily!

My uncle go to the stage of paying his teenage son £5 every time he had a shower. Money was the only thing that motivated him..... Im not condoning this, but I know how desperate this can get!

Ali Saddiq? The minute I saw this thread I thought of that skit

'It's basic personal hygiene and as such is non negotiable' is a phrase I repeat a lot in this house. I am also quite prepared to put my 12 year old in the shower fully clothed if he refuses. Thankfully I have only had to threaten this, not actually go through with it.

It wears thin but at the same time teeth brushing and showering is a hill I will absolutely die on.

😂😂😂😂

As if the boy hasn't been having baths and showers all his life.

I would be standing outside the bathroom and telling him that unless he comes out clean I will go back to bathing him like a five year old. His choice.

Yes but adorable little three year olds LOVE a bath and can't wait to get all bubbly. Wannabe skanky teens suddenly realise they have bodily autonomy and sometimes take it a bit far when it comes to avoiding the boring parts of growing up.

I also found that having a Bluetooth speaker in the bathroom helped as then they can listen to podcasts or music to help them through the sheer boredom of showering! 🚿🧽🧼

surely you start at age 3 when they start being in the tub by themselves. coming out of the tub (then later shower) nightly you sniff and reinforce if they've done a good job.
it's not something you start at age 13.

Haha same.

My daughter was similar too. Body odour like a brick layer during a heatwave.
Of course I'd encourage her to shower, had to show her how to pull shower head down and tie her very long thick hair up so it didn't get wet, but in spite of having her own deodorant in her room, I think she just forgot to put it on.

Then it was showering every night, different deodorants and body sprays, facial skin care, the dentist always praised her on her teeth.

If they're all the same at a certain age probably none of them bother.

This IS the hill to die on. What child wants to be the smelly one at school? None. So protect your child from himself!

The rule in my house is no one leaves unless they’re clean with brushed teeth and hair. If they’re running late I’ll help (lifts etc) but there are minimum standards and that’s mine. You wash, use deodorant and clean/brush teeth and hair.

This has been discussed very calmly and agreed with DD 19 and DS 15 since pre-puberty and then enforced firmly later on. As I said, no kid wants the social suicide of being known as the ‘smelly’ one.

I am actually very relaxed overall as a parent, this is an agreed standard in our house though and I will never change it.

My son was like this at this age. It really was a phase because after a while the skanky hormones declined and the sex hormones clearly increased, he started noticing girls as more than mates... Couldn't keep him out of the shower. All the body sprays he'd accumulated from Christmas gifts seemed to fill the house with a choking fug.

Eventually there was a happy medium.

My 12 year old is the same. I make him but it's exhausting and stressful. My 15 year old used to be the same but he discovered girls eventually and then he started washing.

My son, now 16. Wasn't keen on washing his hair or showering for awhile. For his hair, I started asking if he wanted me to wash it in the sink. He agreed to that and I also bought him some decent shampoo for his curls. As for showering I would walk by and whisper to him "I think you need a shower and put those clothes down in the laundry room" Didn't work every time but it did work.

'I love you too much to let your teeth rot / to let you go out smelling like a football sock'. Mine found a way to argue with almost anything, but you can't argue with love..

I did also point out that he would be the first to complain if one of us smelt like a hot fart and he did have to concede that it was unfair to inflict his stink on anyone else!

You need to cut the wifi for your son.

You need to read the riot act to your H.

You are living with a pair of pigs who have no self respect or respect for you.

Cleaning none negotiable.

I made dc wear swim trunks and supervised washing. Twice and he got the message to wash himself

I watched a reel of a comedian recently that has this problem. He told the boy next shower he has, he was washing him. Long story short, after one thorough washing by his father, he now has a clean child 😂

Assuming he’s not discovered girls then? When I was that age, I kept myself immaculate despite lots of sport because no girl wanted a manky, smelly lad. But you just don’t want to be known as that smelly kid.

He needs to get a sense of pride.

He needs to fully wash or else his phone/games etc are removed for a day each time. If that doesn’t work they’re removed for a week. It is important that he washes because I will not live with a smelly person. That is unfair.

Otherwise he will become a stinky adult.

DS was like this at that age. The good news is that within the next year or so they discover girls and then become obsessed with the shower. Hang in there. It won’t last forever.

The bed- don’t care

the showering and washing hair - yes, you need to insist.

we used disclosing tablets for teeth brushing - they had to show me their mouth with the dye on and then show me it was all gone.

we used to send my son back to the shower to wash his hair properly if he didn’t pass the sniff test.

fortunately this too passes.

It’s strange because I was quite bad as a young teen at keeping myself clean, possibly ADHD. But my own son is scrupulously clean and always has been. He had a few kids in school who he said “smelt of wee” and I think it worried him that anyone who would ever think of him in that way!

His dad doesn’t really see a problem and couldn’t care less

I think that this might be contributing to the issue, no?

We do not suffer this in our house, I have drummed into everyone that not being clean is not an option.

Insist. Be very clear that nobody, nobody at all enjoys being in proximity to someone who stinks and that people draw conclusions about people that can't be bothered to wash themselves. That's really all there is to it.

I think teens and probs 12 going on 13 year olds need good long showers. Hair wash at least twice a week too. Good deodorant. The only thing I don't quite understand is 'washing ears', not sure what that means.

Re bed making - definitely insist on that. If it's a duvet, it's just so simple

Tell him you'll do it for him if he doesn't wash properly and wash his hair, that should scare him into doing it himself.