to feel he should have told me about this health condition before we married

You don't need a reason to take a look at your life and wonder if there might be changes you can make to allow yourself to put yourself at the centre, do things that bring you joy and generally spend more time being content.

Fill your life with things that bring you joy - if you find yourself pushing your needs aside - think about how you can change this.. you don't need to get too hung up on whether it is your husband's illness or his personality - if you don't love the way your life is, and he is not willing to make changes together - make changes on your own.

It sounds to me like unregulated bipolar. It is linked with fits and I speak from experience. I was lucky that I was told about it by my hubby straight away or else we wouldn’t have been married. He is prone to selfish behaviour and has a quick temper but just walks out never abusive or violent. I’ve worked hard to get him the right meds and he is so much better now he is stable. When he is not stable I can only describe as zero accountability and irrational. It doesn’t matter what I say he would be the victim. He has some sort of shadow on the brain which caused him to have the similar fits to your hubby. If he gets too hot now he has night terrors or sometimes what I think are fits in his sleep. We sleep with a fan. There are quite a few similarities here.
I think I would be as annoyed as you but personally probably wouldn’t have made as far as you without knowing.
it’s extremely difficult to navigate, but he needs meds and he needs to take ownership of it in order for you to move forward.

I've learnt that PMS rage is often a way how to notice things which actually bother me, but I didn't pay attention to them or suppress them for quiet life the rest of the time.
It's not always literal, sometimes the rage focuses on one small aspect, but looking at the broader topic or issue, it often is a real issue which needs addressing.

You don't have to take a big action today. Just don't brush it off.
The lying before the wedding is one thing.
Training you to walk on the egg shells about him is worse.
Hitting you? Really bad
Not owning any of the abuse? Sign that it's definitely not just the epilepsy wiring. If it was, he would feel really bad after the situation is over. And, if he valued you, he would be trying to work on his health problems to make sure he doesn't do it again. He doesn't. He doesn't see what he is doing to you as bad. Even when it is.

You are absolutely NOT being silly.
Your life is miserable and unsustainable.
You need to either get your ‘D’H to sort himself out, or you need to leave. You can’t go in like this.

100% this. I hope OP leaves this abusive man, and educates herself about epilepsy. She is so offensive and ignorant.

You cannot control his actions or feelings. You only control the choices make

Oh darling...that sounds so hard and scary to deal with. Thank you for sharing/explaining xx
I do remember witnessing a boy having a seizure at high school in a biology class and the teacher trying to deal with it the best he could....but if it's any consololation not one of the kids mocked him at all, we were all just concerned.

Collapsing, convulsing, incontinence - a seizure isn’t pretty or delicate. They’re scary to witness. I felt totally embarrassed when I knew people had seen me wet myself as an adult or fall and smash my head open. I’d feel embarrassed now as you lose control over your body and just have to hope someone helps you.

It shouldn’t make you feel embarrassed but it definitely did when I was younger.

Oh @RachelWardd I could cry for you just reading this.☹️ You must try to leave him and plan how to do so carefully. You have the right to be happy, safe and to live without fear. I couldn’t imagine being stuck with him, even, god forbid, having to care for him (or be cared for by him) in my later years.

You clearly have wonderful children who have the measure of their dad; they can see him for the arsehole he is.

Hugs to youxx🫂

Why would you be embarrassed about a condition you literally had no control over?
I had/have depression (controlled now by meds) but noboby in my world talked about it back in the 80s ...and by the time we go to the 90s I kept it to myself as you were labelled as 'mad'....plus I thought it was my fault, if only I could "think more positively" ha.
I can understand why I was embarrassed about that due to the backwards culture/understanding we had then, but surely epilepsy doesn't fall in to that category? I'm just curious x

OMG. This made me cry.
Your religion, as important as it may be to you, is totally distorting the reality of the situation you are in. This is NOT your fault. You do NOT deserve this. Your children do NOT deserve to see their mother treated like this.

He is a grown up. He has ALL the agency he demands. He has done NOTHING to address his issues. It’s really irrelevant what is causing his behaviour - epilepsy or arseholery - he’s not sorting it out. You deserve BETTER.

Gong to dry my tears and hope this thread helps you see the light. 🧎‍♀️‍➡️🙏

I am sorry that I said I might not have married him at the time if he had told me, I was an immature superficial 24 , maybe I deserved not being told - it doesn't excuse him not telling me, he's still an asshole for that

If you were immature, the right thing would had been to give you more time, not throwing you into a marriage with an abusive lier.

I understand that religion of any kind might lead people to think more about "deserving" and something being good for something else, looking for deeper meaning in different aspect of their lifes. However, you shouldn't use it to gaslight yourself.
No, you haven't deserved this. It just happened, because he & his parents engineered this marriage for your husband without giving a thought to whether it was right for you.

You have become obsessed with making excuses for this man. You’re doing that so you don’t have to face the fact that he’s an abusive asshole. You’ve wound yourself in circles over and over for a man who treats you badly.

You have clearly been excusing this behavior for years and you’re posting now because the little sniffles of doubt have gotten too big to ignore. And now you’re focusing on the lie about epilepsy instead of the true problem here. You are so desperately trying to ignore the truth, OP.

There will be no custody battle.
Your children will decide when and if they will see him.

He has stolen years from you with his lies and violence.

Start planning your exit and let him sort himself out.

He is not your responsibility.

Yes, that's what all abusers say!

He trapped you. It is not the end of the world and divorce is something normal these days. Not sure what more someone can say

I live with my husband and our two children. I don’t work as my health is too bad.

Thank you for your lovely words and kind thoughts earlier, I have only just seen them x

My angry ex was also obsessed with people not showing him the respect that he thought he needed, and he was also terrified of rejection (I too diagnosed him with rejection sensitive dysphoria). Oh I also diagnosed him with ADHD. It's really common to look for some cause. But I ask again, even if he does have this mythical link with his old condition (that he grew out of many many years ago), what does it matter? He won't get help, he won't stop being angry, you're walking on egg shells constantly, and he shows no remorse. Why are you staying?

But don't you think that if it was epilepsy, he would feel remorseful afterwards? Not justify your "shrewlike" behaviour as a inescapable cause of him hitting you?