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Original poster

To refuse to reverse?

130 replies

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:26

Out earlier, on a street with parked cars, I was waiting for traffic in the opposite direction when the driver flashed his lights, at which point I proceeded, and then, so did he.
Of course there's then nowhere for either of us to go so he motioned at me to reverse.
Was I wrong to refuse?

OP posts:
Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 15/06/2026 15:12

Whatever the highway code says, flashing your lights in these circumstances always, in my experience, means, I've stopped, come on through. Sounds like that's what happened but he either thought you didn't move, didn't see, or were too slow too to so, so ended in an impass. These things happen. But don't bother then just sitting there "refusing" to reverse, get on with it.

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:11

rwalker · 15/06/2026 15:02

You had right of way but still I would of presumed you were letting me go and the flash was thanks

Now this I accept, I've honestly just never come across the thanks beforehand, especially in a situation where one car has to go first iyswim, I'd always assume it was being let out/go first, as I did.
If that was his thought, then I was definitely in the wrong in his eyes, but why then drive at me, why not just stay there and tut/call me names in his head?
There was absolutely no need for him to do that and try to force me to reverse, which is why I didn't, he drove on the pavement to get round me btw, so he didn't reverse either.

OP posts:
Pistachiocake · 15/06/2026 15:09

Conchiglie · 15/06/2026 14:30

Bit stupid of him to flash his lights and then go.

I read it as they both offered to give way? Then both went? In which case both were basically polite and not pushing through as if they owned the world.
Unless one had legal right of way, no one is really at fault. OP, if you were going to give way anyway, then you might as well have reversed. Same goes for him, but maybe he's not a good driver and knows women are generally safer manoeuvring!

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:04

SparklyGlitterballs · 15/06/2026 14:59

According to the Highway Code....

110
Flashing headlights. Only flash your headlights to let other road users know that you are there. Do not flash your headlights to convey any other message or intimidate other road users.
111
Never assume that flashing headlights is a signal inviting you to proceed. Use your own judgement and proceed carefully.

If you had right of way you should have proceeded without stopping and waiting. You confused the oncoming driver and he was likely flashing to say thank you for letting him go first (albeit he shouldn't have flashed and should have given some kind of hand signal as he passed).

Thank you, I'll quiz up on it tonight and absolutely ignore the rules of the road in real life.

OP posts:
rwalker · 15/06/2026 15:02

You had right of way but still I would of presumed you were letting me go and the flash was thanks

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:01

Darragon · 15/06/2026 14:47

How I reckon this unfolded:

  1. OP stopped.
  2. The other driver stopped and waited for her to go.
  3. When OP didn't go, he flashed his lights to say "get on with it"
  4. When OP still hesitated, he went for it.
  5. When OP then decided to go, he had run out of patience and just wanted her to piss off so he tried to get her to reverse rather than him having to wait for her to decide if she was driving or parking.
Life is too short to wait forever for hesitant drivers, OP, there's a reason undue hesitation can cause you to fail your driving test. Next time just get on with it.

I didn't hesitate, I could see cars ahead so stopped briefly, at the flash I immediately moved, after I had moved, so did he.
I use this road daily, and have for many years, this has never happened.
I'm a competent driver.

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 15/06/2026 14:59

According to the Highway Code....

110
Flashing headlights. Only flash your headlights to let other road users know that you are there. Do not flash your headlights to convey any other message or intimidate other road users.
111
Never assume that flashing headlights is a signal inviting you to proceed. Use your own judgement and proceed carefully.

If you had right of way you should have proceeded without stopping and waiting. You confused the oncoming driver and he was likely flashing to say thank you for letting him go first (albeit he shouldn't have flashed and should have given some kind of hand signal as he passed).

ItsWrittenInTheOP · 15/06/2026 14:55

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:39

Mine, but I still stopped and waited, so when he flashed I proceeded.

Show quote history

Why did you choose to stop and wait instead of continuing to drive? He could reasonable assume you had chosen to stop and wait to let him through, the lights flashing was to signal thanks for allowing him through.

I’d think you were a bit of a fanny to have been dithering and choosing to stop and wait when you didn’t need to, and then cause further fannying about by choosing not to reverse out of the way.

dadtoateen · 15/06/2026 14:52

Did either of you reverse in the end or are you both still sat waiting for the weaker mind to break :)

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:49

DixonD · 15/06/2026 14:44

Well these days it usually means “go ahead”, or to warn of a hazard in the road ahead etc. Not that someone is “there”. You are however, according to the HC, not meant to flash at anyone to give instruction, but simply to make them aware of your presence. No one I have ever come across on the road has ever used it for this purpose.

Not sure why he gave you mixed signals OP. Had he stopped? Could he have driven over a bump in the road which made it look like his headlights were flashing?

Show quote history

He definitely flashed.
He had stopped too, so I assumed his permission to proceed.
TBF, even if he thought I was in the wrong, surely he should have just stayed where he was, what was the point of driving at me to get me to reverse?

OP posts:
UncleTed · 15/06/2026 14:49

I always reverse, as long as no one is behind me, whether it’s my right of way or not. It’s just so much quicker than waiting for the other driver to do it.

Darragon · 15/06/2026 14:47

How I reckon this unfolded:

  1. OP stopped.
  2. The other driver stopped and waited for her to go.
  3. When OP didn't go, he flashed his lights to say "get on with it"
  4. When OP still hesitated, he went for it.
  5. When OP then decided to go, he had run out of patience and just wanted her to piss off so he tried to get her to reverse rather than him having to wait for her to decide if she was driving or parking.
Life is too short to wait forever for hesitant drivers, OP, there's a reason undue hesitation can cause you to fail your driving test. Next time just get on with it.
Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:46

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/06/2026 14:40

Flashing has no official meaning, but in this situation I’d assume the flashing was to say thanks for waiting.

Show quote history

Really?
I've never come across that and I've been driving for 30 years.
I've only seen/done it as a thank you during/after the manoeuvre, or to give the other car 'permission'.

OP posts:
DixonD · 15/06/2026 14:44

B1anche · 15/06/2026 14:39

I thought it just meant that you are there. No message at all. That's what I learned a few decades ago.

Show quote history

Well these days it usually means “go ahead”, or to warn of a hazard in the road ahead etc. Not that someone is “there”. You are however, according to the HC, not meant to flash at anyone to give instruction, but simply to make them aware of your presence. No one I have ever come across on the road has ever used it for this purpose.

Not sure why he gave you mixed signals OP. Had he stopped? Could he have driven over a bump in the road which made it look like his headlights were flashing?

SweeetFannyAdams · 15/06/2026 14:42

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:39

Mine, but I still stopped and waited, so when he flashed I proceeded.

Show quote history

Then you dithered so you were the cause of the stand off.

Next time you have right of way, don't fanny around waiting.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/06/2026 14:40

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:39

Mine, but I still stopped and waited, so when he flashed I proceeded.

Show quote history

Flashing has no official meaning, but in this situation I’d assume the flashing was to say thanks for waiting.

B1anche · 15/06/2026 14:39

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:37

What does it mean then in that situation?

Show quote history

I thought it just meant that you are there. No message at all. That's what I learned a few decades ago.

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:39

patooties · 15/06/2026 14:33

Whose right of way was it?

Edited

Mine, but I still stopped and waited, so when he flashed I proceeded.

OP posts:
SweeetFannyAdams · 15/06/2026 14:38

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:37

What does it mean then in that situation?

Show quote history

It can also mean 'thank you' as in he thought you were letting him proceed.

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:37

CokeinBottles · 15/06/2026 14:31

Flashing lights doesn't mean proceed.

Whoever would have found it easier to reverse should have done so. I can't stand people who sit their blocking the road for everyone on a point of principle.

What does it mean then in that situation?

OP posts:
Throwmoneyatit · 15/06/2026 14:35

Please don't be the person who is too petty to reverse. There was once a standoff that caused miles of tailbacks in my nearby city in the morning rush hour because of two women who refused to reverse five feet back. Nobody could go anywhere and they'd even turned their engines off. Some fabulous lady marched to the front and told the pathetic ones that if they did not reverse their car, she would absolutely do it for them. She clearly meant it because one of them did reverse and everyone else could carry on with their day.

Regardless of who's turn it is, if you're holding everyone else up, be the bigger, less irritating person.

Also, if you can't reverse, you shouldn't be driving.

Alittlefrustrated · 15/06/2026 14:35

Who could reverse most easily? If it was you YABU.

SweeetFannyAdams · 15/06/2026 14:35

Sounds like he was flashing his lights to say thank you, as he thought you were letting him go.

Either way I would've done whatever was best in the situation.

No big deal.

patooties · 15/06/2026 14:33

Whose right of way was it?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/06/2026 14:32

Yabu if it was easier for you to reverse than him, but you just refused to.

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