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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to reverse?

130 replies

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:26

Out earlier, on a street with parked cars, I was waiting for traffic in the opposite direction when the driver flashed his lights, at which point I proceeded, and then, so did he.
Of course there's then nowhere for either of us to go so he motioned at me to reverse.
Was I wrong to refuse?

OP posts:
Charlotte120221 · 15/06/2026 15:49

OP by stopping you caused the problem - if you had right of way and it was clear you should have continued slowly.

Forcing a campervan to drive on the pavement just to prove you were right is a bit..... odd. If you could have reversed you should have done.

Refusing to reverse is generally a bit of a dick move - HTH

TheRestIsEntertsinent · 15/06/2026 15:49

Why did you give way if you had priority? This kind of dithering is dangerous. “Be predictable not polite”.

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:48

TheIdlerReturns · 15/06/2026 15:43

Did you only move forward because the driver flashed his lights? So did you feel under pressure to go? If that's the case, I would have ignored the driver and his impatience and waited until the oncoming traffic had gone past and you had a clear window to move.

No, I stopped briefly as I saw cars/vehicles, as soon as he flashed, I went.
Yes, I had right of way, but that doesn't mean it will be respected, and often isn't on that road, so it's common sense and ensuring safety, to pause.

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 15/06/2026 15:44

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:44

Eh, no.
You don't get to drive badly in a big vehicle and then dictate to others.
Pedestrians, sure, he drove over the pavement in his refusal to reverse.

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You both refused to reverse.

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:44

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 15/06/2026 15:41

Ah, in that case, you definitely should have reversed.

He was probably in the wrong to go in the first place, once you'd already set off. But once you're in the position where one of you needs to reverse, you've got far better visibility behind you, and a far more manoeuvrable vehicle than he does. Far safer for any pedestrians nearby for you to reverse than him.

Show quote history

Eh, no.
You don't get to drive badly in a big vehicle and then dictate to others.
Pedestrians, sure, he drove over the pavement in his refusal to reverse.

OP posts:
TheIdlerReturns · 15/06/2026 15:43

Did you only move forward because the driver flashed his lights? So did you feel under pressure to go? If that's the case, I would have ignored the driver and his impatience and waited until the oncoming traffic had gone past and you had a clear window to move.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 15/06/2026 15:41

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:25

It was a campervan, not sure of brand.

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Ah, in that case, you definitely should have reversed.

He was probably in the wrong to go in the first place, once you'd already set off. But once you're in the position where one of you needs to reverse, you've got far better visibility behind you, and a far more manoeuvrable vehicle than he does. Far safer for any pedestrians nearby for you to reverse than him.

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:41

Megifer · 15/06/2026 15:30

Id have assumed the flash was to proceed, surely the universal "thanks for waiting" signal is the index and middle finger slightly raised off the steering wheel whilst passing with a slight nod of the head.

But re: your q - whoever its easier for should reverse

Equally easy, there were no cars behind either of us, his campervan is much bigger than my mini, but if he can't reverse in it, he shouldn't be driving it.
Yes, I could have, but he caused the problem by driving towards me, so he needs to solve it, which he did by driving round me, over the pavement.

OP posts:
Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:37

Fizzybluewater · 15/06/2026 15:33

You are joking aren't you?

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No, I might get a KFC for dessert.

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 15/06/2026 15:37

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 14:39

Mine, but I still stopped and waited, so when he flashed I proceeded.

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Why did you stop if it was your right of way and the cars coming the opposite way had stopped to allow you through?

It sounds like it's a six and two threes confusion, you both gave somewhat misleading signals about what you were intending to do, so I'd have reversed without giving it much thought.

Fizzybluewater · 15/06/2026 15:33

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:21

I'm still in the car in a stand off, just ordered McDonald's on JustEat...

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You are joking aren't you?

ItsWrittenInTheOP · 15/06/2026 15:32

ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:01

I didn't hesitate, I could see cars ahead so stopped briefly, at the flash I immediately moved, after I had moved, so did he.
I use this road daily, and have for many years, this has never happened.
I'm a competent driver.

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Competent drivers can still make mistakes, get signals wrong and be a bit of a petty twat about it.

I think some people these days care more their egos and make it about “not giving in” “not backing down” and lose all awareness of the bigger picture and how they’re holding up other road users, instead of reframing things to a “I have better things to do today that angrily prove a point, and let this person occupy headspace”

Life is too short and time is too precious to waste it being stubborn and petty to prove a point with a stranger.

Megifer · 15/06/2026 15:30

Id have assumed the flash was to proceed, surely the universal "thanks for waiting" signal is the index and middle finger slightly raised off the steering wheel whilst passing with a slight nod of the head.

But re: your q - whoever its easier for should reverse

Fizzybluewater · 15/06/2026 15:28

As a non driver, I hate car drivers that dither in making decisions, it's dangerous for those around them and potentially probmatic for pedestrians.

Lovemycat2023 · 15/06/2026 15:28

I’m with you OP. We have a road where it’s designed (as a traffic calming measure) to have to take turns in the space between cars and no one has right of way. We all communicate with flashing lights where required to say “you go”. That’s pretty normal.

In your scenario once you’d both started to move then the one without ROW needed to reverse.

MotherofPufflings · 15/06/2026 15:28

I've never known anyone flash to say thanks before they performed the manoeuvre I'd allowed them to make. As they pass me or afterwards if they were behind, never before.

Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:25

LlynTegid · 15/06/2026 15:12

What is missing is the make of your car and of the other car.

If the other car was a BMW, Mercedes or a Range Rover, you should presume stupidity on their part. When I cross the road to the station near me, some cars turn left. If it's a BMW I know that over 90% won't indicate, so wait, for example.

It was a campervan, not sure of brand.

OP posts:
Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:24

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 15/06/2026 15:12

Whatever the highway code says, flashing your lights in these circumstances always, in my experience, means, I've stopped, come on through. Sounds like that's what happened but he either thought you didn't move, didn't see, or were too slow too to so, so ended in an impass. These things happen. But don't bother then just sitting there "refusing" to reverse, get on with it.

I did move, if he didn't see, that's on him, and he needs an eye test.

OP posts:
Original poster
ManyShapesOfPasta · 15/06/2026 15:21

dadtoateen · 15/06/2026 14:52

Did either of you reverse in the end or are you both still sat waiting for the weaker mind to break :)

I'm still in the car in a stand off, just ordered McDonald's on JustEat...

OP posts:
B1anche · 15/06/2026 15:19

DixonD · 15/06/2026 14:44

Well these days it usually means “go ahead”, or to warn of a hazard in the road ahead etc. Not that someone is “there”. You are however, according to the HC, not meant to flash at anyone to give instruction, but simply to make them aware of your presence. No one I have ever come across on the road has ever used it for this purpose.

Not sure why he gave you mixed signals OP. Had he stopped? Could he have driven over a bump in the road which made it look like his headlights were flashing?

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Oh FFS. Demonstrating you're there by flashing your lights is the same as "making someone aware of your presence" by flashing your lights.

You have managed to tell me I'm wrong but also saying that the Highway Code agrees with me!

Hoppinggreen · 15/06/2026 15:18

Well you can sit there smugly refusing to move as you are "right" or you can (if safe) reverse and then everyone can get on with their day
I told both my DC when they were learning to drive that being in the right doesn't protect you from being hurt so do whatever is safest

NewGoldFox · 15/06/2026 15:15

He sounds like a knob, don’t worry about it.

mamajong · 15/06/2026 15:15

Yabu if it would be easy for you to reverse and just resolve the situation and you didnt just on a 'point of principle' - lifes too short for this shit and ive been held up too many times by this type of 'stand off' as street parking is a bit of an issue near me. Yanbu if you had people behind you and it was easier for the other party

LlynTegid · 15/06/2026 15:12

What is missing is the make of your car and of the other car.

If the other car was a BMW, Mercedes or a Range Rover, you should presume stupidity on their part. When I cross the road to the station near me, some cars turn left. If it's a BMW I know that over 90% won't indicate, so wait, for example.

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