To think being well-adjusted is a privilege no one acknowledges enough?

We will have to mass produce babies in a sterile facility where they are all treated exactly the same and handed to robots to raise them and educate them all exactly the same. To comply with equity and equality and what else.
People are people. And enough of all this level playing field.
Life is not a leveled anything. So get learning to play in it.

Acknowledging doesn't equate to absolving people of responsibility though, does it?

Having a better understanding of yourself can do wonders to bring peace of mind and not beat yourself with a stick. But it doesn't mean you just roll over and give up on life, or be bitter and angry..

But what does an even playing field look like? There are so many potential sources of privilege and each person has their own unique mix of these things that it becomes impossible to correct every perceived advantage or disadvantage.

Take Prince William for example. In some ways he is hugely privileged and in others I would suggest that he has an awful lot to deal with and undoubtedly suffered some trauma as a result. How do you equal the playing field for him versus someone that's grown up out of the limelight, has both parents alive and a wife that hasn't had cancer but is dirt poor? You can't bring back Prince William's mum or erase his wife's cancer

As I outlined upthread, even if you look at trauma alone it is incredibly complex. It's not just what happened to you but your ability to deal with the traumatic event will shape the impact that it actually has on you. Two people could go through an identical event and one could suffer immense trauma that has lifelong implications whilst the other person can process the event and actually grow from the experience. Is the privilege around not suffering traumatic events or having more resilience? What if the resilience came as a result of a lot of inner work. It's hardly a privilege if it is hard won.

Basically an obsession with acknowledging privilege is unhealthy and unproductive in lots of cases. Life is unfair, we all know that. We need to work on the biggest inequalities but breaking everything down into privileges is just reductive and ultimately only really works to feed into people's victim narratives and sense of helplessness.

Should we assume being in the majority is a "privilege"?

Brought up by living parents/parent? Privileged.
Encouraged to learn and do well? Privileged
Shown love, nurture and support? Privileged

No. If you were lacking there, that's a lack of privilege.

No honestly she just is positive. Of course she gets upset and down sometimes like we all do but she’s just a naturally positive person. I’m generally glass half full as well (which is why we get on!) . The point I was making is that we all can choose whether we look on the positive or negative side of life whether or not we have a happy or a negative childhood. Some people are naturally negative whether they actually have anything to be negative about in the grand scheme of things. Some people are just born miserable. Your outlook can’t really be described as a privilege

I was going to make a thread on something similar.
Why is it socially acceptable to rant and hate on someone for being “stupid” when low iq is an inherent trait that they cannot help and actually basically a learning disability. But it’s (rightfully of course) unacceptable to mock someone with dyslexia for example

Or she has learned to mask and put on a brace face.

Reality is that we all have ups and downs. No one is happy and cheerful all the time.

Agreed. Also still having both parents alive and supportive during adulthood is a massive privilege not afforded to all.

I think understanding human development and acknowledging privilege is always helpful but it should never absolve anyone of accountability for their behaviour. What it can help with is helping to level the playing field and support people to meet their full potential. In an ideal world…

Yeah - I actually commented again down thread on this point, but I think I probably just mean I feel fortunate to be positive.

i know someone who has suffered some pretty awful things in her life but by god she is the most positive/ cheery person you have ever met. She was just born with a glass half full mentality. Is that privilege? Dunno really- just the way she was made but i’m sure I could describe it as a privilege as privilege implies some advantage over other groups but technically anyone can have a positive attitude.

Indeed and if you’re lucky enough to be born to two supportive, loving, well-adjusted parents you’ve won the lottery of life x

On the one hand, yes, there are obvious advantages and disadvantages in life. On the other hand, I'm so (so so so) tired of things being described as 'privilege'.

This ‘privilege’ term has become overused.
At this rate we’ll start saying people who can breathe independently are privileged.
We need to start accepting that life is life with its ups and downs and we need to make the most of what we have to the best of our abilities.
And, as adults, to address issues where we recognise them.

100%. Our ancestors fought war, plague, work houses, slavery, indentured servitude, famine etc and we are going to plead 'privilege' on behalf of others who have married parents or who are 'well-adjusted'?

Give over!

I hate the word privilege. It's cringe.

What people don't like to admit is that you have a choice, and making trauma your whole personality just makes you stuck in that moment forever

This is absolutely right. By all means spend your limited time on Earth navel gazing or stamping your feet but accept it’s a choice. Literally no adult is untouched by bad luck at one time or another and often the people who’ve overcome the hardest things are the ones who don’t bang on about it but choose to make the most of the better parts of their lives.

Some people will need professional help to get through this (I did) but I really believe that everyone can heal from trauma, they just need to find the right approach that works for them.

They also need access to that professional help, which sadly many (if not most) won’t ever get. I did, and I’m very fortunate that I eventually found a therapist who helped me to heal (after countless useless ones). But I also acknowledge that I was fortunate to be able to afford it financially, that I wasn’t so broken that I’d lost the tenacity to keep searching for a better/more suitable therapist and indeed had something in my life that gave me the motivation to recover (my DCs and DH).

All this “mental health awareness” is bollocks unless we help damaged people to access the help they need - especially when they are too damaged to find it themselves.

Very true. And I don't think it's true at all that having a supportive family with both parents around isn't recognised as important. I'm not going to say a 'privilege' because I agree it's not and shouldn't be an exceptional thing, but it's constantly shown to be a big factor in educational outcomes etc. so the notion that this is never acknowledged is bizarro. Unless we're talking about people literally going around acknowledging it by saying they had it and are thankful and so so lucky. This level of focusing on every factor in one's identity is just not that fascinating.

I agree, OP. My childhood wasn’t perfect, but I grew up to be an adult who basically feels safe. I am also a positive person because my dad modelled that. These are two things I feel hugely grateful for and don’t take for granted.

Because it’s uncontrollable. Expectations don’t make things happen. We can’t make people bring up their children up to be well adjusted - they may not be capable of it themselves

And yet one would hope this was the norm. Even if the parents don’t live together.

Why on earth would we expect so little from parents?h

It is a hugely positive thing to acknowledge that you are struggling and to work through your problems. Nobody is denying this and in fact this is being encouraged on this thread by everyone.

The controversy is regarding OP's claim that being well-adjusted is a privilege and that presumably negative personality traits are often simply the result of trauma. There is a large degree of helplessness and victimhood in this way of thinking that many simply don't agree with. Many people, like you, have lived complex lives. There have been good and bad times, privilege and lack of privilege, ND traits and NT traits and some degree of trauma. We can all look at our lives and try to explain or even excuse our poor behaviour and bad decisions making but what is the point of this? Often it simply traps us in a world of introspection and blame that isn't going to move us forward.

I don't understand this thread. Are we supposed to wear t-shirts and apologise or what

I can't think of many situations in day to day life where it'd be relevant or interesting to be acknowledging the privilege of being well-adjusted. If people have trauma that's shaped them then that's something to acknowledge where needed for adjustments, support etc. But the opposite by definition doesn't need any acknowledgement as they can just get on with the business of living. Unless you're saying you want them to feel bad and qualify anything they achieve by citing their good fortune in being well-adjusted (either naturally or by circumstance). Honestly, I think it sounds a pretty tedious way to see the world.

As a young person I worked in a big company which implemented lots of programs for BAME, working-class people etc.

I used to sit in those meetings and think about the people I know who fitted those categories but had a stable happy family life. I was struggling with the effects of being abused as a child by my white, middle-class parents even into my twenties and thirties.

It affects everything going forwards -- self esteem, confidence, friendships, romantic relationships.

Not having the kind of ongoing family life I saw my peers have around me was really difficult well into adulthood, you feel quite isolated and alone as a young adult if you don't have anyone to turn to for advice, reassurance or company from your family. No one to rely on.

It is another layer to consider but I don't see how it could possibly be codified into any kind of equalities legislation. I also don't want to downplay the class and race privilege I do have and people from under-represented backgrounds absolutely do deserve the support they are being given in education and the workplace.

But yes, I think it is under-discussed. If you come from a materially privileged background people just assume you have the relationships that are assumed to go with a middle class background, which just isn't always the case.