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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to ask before moving laundry on the bed?

113 replies

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:34

I sometimes use our bed to fold laundry and sort it into piles — clothes for our two sons, me, DH’s.

Most of the time I put everything away, but occasionally I get distracted by the kids or something else and the piles are still on the bed later.

DH often goes to bed 20–30 minutes before me. When he finds clothes on the bed, he doesn’t throw them on the floor, but he does move the piles into one pile/corner so he can get into bed. This means I then have to sort everything out again, which drives me mad.

I’ve asked him to just come and tell me the clothes are still on the bed so I can move them properly. But I also know I’m the one who left them there in the first place.

I have asked him to come get me. But he didn't again last night.

AIBU to want him to ask me to help him move the clothes so that I don't need to sort them out again?

YABU - Bed should be cleared anyway, so DH is fine to clear it into a corner
YANBU - DH should ask you to move the clothes.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 15/06/2026 11:05

Individual, stackable baskets (different colours) are really useful.
Put the clothes traight from the line/ airer/ dryer into the correct basket, which you then take up to the correct room. If you don't have time to put away immediately it can stay on the floor in the room till later.
They don't have to be large baskets.

OhBumBags · 15/06/2026 11:03

PollyBell · 15/06/2026 10:29

So if my husband half finishes a job I should complete it for him?

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Apparently, and risk waking your sleeping kids in the process.

Whosthetabbynow · 15/06/2026 10:56

I’d rather no one interfered in the washing routine. I’m good at it. They’re not.

AnnieApples · 15/06/2026 10:55

Another useless man on Mumsnet. Why the fuck can’t he put them away?

Fizzybluewater · 15/06/2026 10:54

OhBettyCalmDown · 15/06/2026 09:41

This really wouldn’t bother me. If you’ve already sorted into piles then when there in one pile it should only take about 30 seconds to split them again. It’s not hard to see where the divide is between DH clothes, bedding, DC clothes, towels etc

Agree with that 100% . Life is so short to sweat this kind of thing,

hugasaurus · 15/06/2026 10:54

We used to do this and it was a pain, so now each kid has their own laundry basket in their room and then one for me and DH and zero sorting required. Has been life-changing.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/06/2026 10:53

That would drive me nuts too. It's the height of laziness.

Firstly though, I'd stop putting away his clothes at all. He can at least learn to do that much.

Beingseenisneedy · 15/06/2026 10:49

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 10:41

It was Op that didn’t finish the job she started doing. Not sure why she needs to find his choice of videos ‘sexy’. People are allowed unsexy downtime in marriage 🙄

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But he's a man, so whatever he does is wrong to some.

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 10:49

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 10:41

It was Op that didn’t finish the job she started doing. Not sure why she needs to find his choice of videos ‘sexy’. People are allowed unsexy downtime in marriage 🙄

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I don't think this is a comment on finding tractor videos unsexy, more that being married to a grown man who is incapable of putting clothes away is unsexy.

Beingseenisneedy · 15/06/2026 10:48

2msoundsright · 15/06/2026 09:51

If a man left a job half done and strewn all over the bed so that his wife couldn't go to sleep and then expected her to come and ask him before moving the things so that she could get in, people would say he was lazy, controlling and abusive.

Agree. Had an ex who was always leaving half finished jobs around the house.

Oh, I'll empty the dishwasher later, put the load of washing in later, leave the bins by the door etc.

Early in the relationship, I'd finish up, but soon realised I was always doing his share on top of mine.

It's not great having to always go and get you as it can come across as nagging.

Surely you'd know you hadn't finished the job OP, seems to be a regular occurrence.

redskyAtNigh · 15/06/2026 10:45

When I go to bed I want to go to bed. Not finish re-sorting washing and putting it away or going downstairs to have a conversation about it.

If I want to go to bed and there are items on the bed I will pick them up and put them somewhere, so I am with DH.

I don't really understand why sorting washing take more than 5 minutes, or putting the items in a pile means they are mixed up, but if OP finds she is distracted from this task so frequently that she needs to post on Mumsnet about it, then maybe she could sort into individual baskets, so the baskets just need to be moved and it's easier to resume the job later.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 10:41

Sartre · 15/06/2026 10:38

So you’re married to a child who is incapable of putting piles of laundry away because he wants to watch YouTube videos of people driving tractors. How sexy.

It was Op that didn’t finish the job she started doing. Not sure why she needs to find his choice of videos ‘sexy’. People are allowed unsexy downtime in marriage 🙄

icannotlivelaughloveintheseconditions · 15/06/2026 10:40

I sort mine, dhs and DS clothes I go a pile each. Dhs go down his side of the bed for him to put away. Ds go in his room for him to put away and I put mine away.

Springtimeinsunshine · 15/06/2026 10:40

but occasionally I get distracted by the kids or something else and the piles are still on the bed later.

Then he deals with the children so you can continue with the laundry. Give him the choice of children or finishing the laundry if you want but get the lazy twat to actually DO something. YANBU

Sartre · 15/06/2026 10:38

So you’re married to a child who is incapable of putting piles of laundry away because he wants to watch YouTube videos of people driving tractors. How sexy.

BoredZelda · 15/06/2026 10:37

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:52

He says he doesn't know where my clothes go. They are not hard to figure out.

OK I think I ask him to put them away in future.

Ideally I would do one persons laundry at a time but DSs are 3 and 1, their clothes get dirty daily so to keep on top of it I do a load whenever I have one. So while not the hardest task it can be a little time consuming sorting, especially socks and small jocks!

@Morepositivemum I do get that, but for the most part he gets into bed to watch videos about tractors!

Leave his in a pile on the floor and say the same thing.

Timetochillnow · 15/06/2026 10:36

Yes he could redistribute the piles to their destinations but I'd pick my battles and save the frustration.

sort the clothes out down the length of your side of the bed so he can still get in

Mulledjuice · 15/06/2026 10:30

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:43

They don't tend to stay in their piles. They fall over/ get jumbled. He balances them on various things. I would put away our clothes then put DSs into a basket - as they would be in bed

Why can't he do what you would do?

PollyBell · 15/06/2026 10:29

FrankieMcGrath · 15/06/2026 10:24

This!

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So if my husband half finishes a job I should complete it for him?

DaisyChain505 · 15/06/2026 10:27

“DH, if there are still clothes on the bed when you come up to go to sleep please put them away instead of just moving them else where. It takes a lot of time and effort to manage the constant stream of washing and I would appreciate it if you had some input.”

Summer26 · 15/06/2026 10:26

I think you are possibly gettibg a little too wirked ip about laundry. I mean as long as he doesnt put clean clothes on the floor or mix in dirty. I would pick my battles

FrankieMcGrath · 15/06/2026 10:24

AnonymityAnonymity · 15/06/2026 09:38

If the piles of clothing on the bed are sorted why can't your H put them away?
If you are busy doing other things he shouldn't need to come and find you. He could just do the job himself.

This!

OhBumBags · 15/06/2026 10:22

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/06/2026 10:20

OP said she’d be happy with the pile of the kids clothes just going in a basket

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So she needs to sort them into a basket if she knows she's prone to forgetting so often, that this is even a thing.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/06/2026 10:20

OhBumBags · 15/06/2026 10:18

If he went into the kid's room to put their clothes away and that woke them up, he'd probably be to blame for that too.

OP said she’d be happy with the pile of the kids clothes just going in a basket

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/06/2026 10:20

So an adult in the house is seeing a family job that needs to be done, and rather than finishing it off, is
just getting into bed to watch videos whilst presumably you’re still working elsewhere in the house? Making the job more difficult in the process as he’s undone your work?

That would drive me bananas and is very unfair and selfish of him.

I hate sorting and putting my own washing away - but I’m single so at least no one is undoing the sorting once I’ve started it!

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