Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to ask before moving laundry on the bed?

113 replies

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:34

I sometimes use our bed to fold laundry and sort it into piles — clothes for our two sons, me, DH’s.

Most of the time I put everything away, but occasionally I get distracted by the kids or something else and the piles are still on the bed later.

DH often goes to bed 20–30 minutes before me. When he finds clothes on the bed, he doesn’t throw them on the floor, but he does move the piles into one pile/corner so he can get into bed. This means I then have to sort everything out again, which drives me mad.

I’ve asked him to just come and tell me the clothes are still on the bed so I can move them properly. But I also know I’m the one who left them there in the first place.

I have asked him to come get me. But he didn't again last night.

AIBU to want him to ask me to help him move the clothes so that I don't need to sort them out again?

YABU - Bed should be cleared anyway, so DH is fine to clear it into a corner
YANBU - DH should ask you to move the clothes.

OP posts:
andthat · 15/06/2026 12:00

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:52

He says he doesn't know where my clothes go. They are not hard to figure out.

OK I think I ask him to put them away in future.

Ideally I would do one persons laundry at a time but DSs are 3 and 1, their clothes get dirty daily so to keep on top of it I do a load whenever I have one. So while not the hardest task it can be a little time consuming sorting, especially socks and small jocks!

@Morepositivemum I do get that, but for the most part he gets into bed to watch videos about tractors!

What a lazy bastard.

You know where his clothes go - so he can learn where your clothes go.

Why are you even asking if he's unreasonable or not? Unless there's more to this and he does everything in the house and you do nothing, then of course he needs to put them away!

Pinkflamingo10 · 15/06/2026 11:57

I put YABU - get husband to do some adulting and put the piles of clothes away into everybody’s wardrobes

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/06/2026 11:55

He shouldn’t go to bed while there are clearly chores to be done he should put them into the right drawers or rooms at least before he gets in to bed like every mother would

redskyAtNigh · 15/06/2026 11:54

PollyBell · 15/06/2026 11:47

So does a vagina prevent women from finishing off men's jobs or does it only work the usual double standard?

Show quote history

I don't finish off jobs that are my DH's responsibility and that he has half finished, unless we've had a conversation where he has politely asked me to do so.

This is not because I am incapable due to having a vagina, but because they are his responsibility. And I don't remind him if he half finishes a job, because I'm not his PA and he is a grown adult who should be capable of remembering to do it.

Original poster
pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 11:52

LOVE the idea of coloured boxes.

DC cannot sort the clothes they are 3 and 1. They will when they are older.

I am a forgetful person. I do get distracted easily and it is something I am working on. But when DS aged 1 comes in to try and pull the clothes down or DS 3 yells from the bathroom 'mummmmmyyyy pooooo' I tend to go.

DH will have seen the clothes he comes home, showers and gets comfy clothes in our room. He is a farmer so works a few hours even on Sundays.

I don't expect him to finish my jobs, hence, why I asked him to tell me. If he takes the rubbish out he often forgets to put a new bag in, I do it.

Yes it is a "first world problem". I have plenty of deeper ones - like my mother (enormous story full of my abandonment/ neglect/ abuse/ PTSD/ ADHD) who is coming out of rehab again today and trying to keep my very poor/ very new boundaries intact.

I work from home and like to chat. This is not that deep and really will not impact our relationship.

OP posts:
redskyAtNigh · 15/06/2026 11:51

AutumnCrow2 · 15/06/2026 11:28

Because she was distracted by the needs of his small children, or a similar task.

Show quote history

OP's children are 3 and 1. So they are going to be in the room with her. If they want something important (e.g. nappy change) then she sorts that out and goes back to the job. If it's something less pressing, she asks them to wait for a minute or two while she finishes off and puts piles in bedrooms (for example).

If OP is constantly distracted during a short job to the point that she forgets to go back and finish it, then I'd suggest she needs a different method of laundry sorting. Can I suggest sorting from the drier into the laundry basket? It takes two or 3 minutes.

JHound · 15/06/2026 11:49

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:52

He says he doesn't know where my clothes go. They are not hard to figure out.

OK I think I ask him to put them away in future.

Ideally I would do one persons laundry at a time but DSs are 3 and 1, their clothes get dirty daily so to keep on top of it I do a load whenever I have one. So while not the hardest task it can be a little time consuming sorting, especially socks and small jocks!

@Morepositivemum I do get that, but for the most part he gets into bed to watch videos about tractors!

He says he doesn't know where my clothes go. They are not hard to figure out.

Ok this makes him sound useless as magically you know where his clothes go?

PollyBell · 15/06/2026 11:47

sittingonabeach · 15/06/2026 11:33

Does his penis get in the way of putting them away?

If DC asleep he could put their piles by their room. I assume he at least puts his away rather than just adding it to the pile.

So does a vagina prevent women from finishing off men's jobs or does it only work the usual double standard?

OneThreadOnlybyN · 15/06/2026 11:45

sittingonabeach · 15/06/2026 11:33

Does his penis get in the way of putting them away?

If DC asleep he could put their piles by their room. I assume he at least puts his away rather than just adding it to the pile.

Does her vagina prevent her finishing a job?

JHound · 15/06/2026 11:45

Option C - your husband should put them away before getting into bed.

However if laundry is “your job” them you are unreasonable for leaving it half done. I would just move them too in that situation.

Myskyscolour · 15/06/2026 11:39

OneThreadOnlybyN · 15/06/2026 09:51

Well if laundry is something you take responsibility for then you should finish the job Not leave piles on the bed when you know he's going to want to get in it. I'd say the same if it was him doing it.

if one of his jibs was emptying the bins, his happy would you be if he just left the rubbish in bin bags in the middle of the kitchen?

hes moving piles he's not just throwing it all on the floor.

Exactly! In most households, each adult has assigned jobs so you don’t just leave it half done and expect the other person to finish it.

Back to the OP, could you ask him to put the piles of clothes on the floor but to not mix them up? Even though I’m assuming he just puts one pile on top of the other one so should not take that long to sort out again?

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/06/2026 11:38

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:43

They don't tend to stay in their piles. They fall over/ get jumbled. He balances them on various things. I would put away our clothes then put DSs into a basket - as they would be in bed

The next day I would say you need to sort and put away the clothes that were on the bed last night. I don’t sort and fold clothes twice because you’ve tossed them on the ground, you’re not my toddler. Those ones are all yours to do, please go and do that because it’s preying on my mind, please also remember to be polite if I ever trash something you’re doing half way through as you have done this many times. Unless you think I don’t matter, and don’t deserve respect?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 11:36

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 11:34

Yes and the tractor videos being sexy or not sexy wasn't the point at all.

Anyway you're clearly a misogynist so I won't waste my time.

Show quote history

Clearly a misogynist 😅 ok bye then

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 11:34

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 11:31

It was referring to the tractor videos, in addition to the laundry, so no correction needed.

Show quote history

Yes and the tractor videos being sexy or not sexy wasn't the point at all.

Anyway you're clearly a misogynist so I won't waste my time.

OhBumBags · 15/06/2026 11:34

AutumnCrow2 · 15/06/2026 11:28

Because she was distracted by the needs of his small children, or a similar task.

Show quote history

Yes, and considering she's distracted so often that it's causing a problem, she needs to start remembering to check she's finished the job.

Honestly, if you know you're prone to this, why wouldn't you check?

sittingonabeach · 15/06/2026 11:33

Does his penis get in the way of putting them away?

If DC asleep he could put their piles by their room. I assume he at least puts his away rather than just adding it to the pile.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 11:31

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 11:29

Okay. I was just correcting your misunderstanding that 'unsexy' referred to the tractor videos.

Show quote history

It was referring to the tractor videos, in addition to the laundry, so no correction needed.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 11:30

AutumnCrow2 · 15/06/2026 11:28

Because she was distracted by the needs of his small children, or a similar task.

Show quote history

Because she gets distracted, yes. And then doesn’t come back to it. And yet he’s ‘unsexy’ and a child for not finishing off the job for her, that he didn’t know about until he was getting into bed. Surely they are both unsexy children by this logic.

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 11:29

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 11:25

It was her who didn’t manage to finish putting the clothes away, again.

Show quote history

Okay. I was just correcting your misunderstanding that 'unsexy' referred to the tractor videos.

AutumnCrow2 · 15/06/2026 11:28

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 11:25

It was her who didn’t manage to finish putting the clothes away, again.

Show quote history

Because she was distracted by the needs of his small children, or a similar task.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 11:25

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 10:49

I don't think this is a comment on finding tractor videos unsexy, more that being married to a grown man who is incapable of putting clothes away is unsexy.

Show quote history

It was her who didn’t manage to finish putting the clothes away, again.

AutumnCrow2 · 15/06/2026 11:09

2msoundsright · 15/06/2026 09:51

If a man left a job half done and strewn all over the bed so that his wife couldn't go to sleep and then expected her to come and ask him before moving the things so that she could get in, people would say he was lazy, controlling and abusive.

Scraping …

Actually I think you could end up in the Scrape Of The Day play-offs with that one. And not yet midday Grin

SunnyRedSnail · 15/06/2026 11:07

@pontipinemum If they're already sorted then surely the next step is to just dump them in bedroom doorways?? That's the quick bit!

If my DH came down to tell me there was laundry on the bed then I'd ignore him.

I make the kids sort the laundry.

Sartre · 15/06/2026 11:07

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/06/2026 10:41

It was Op that didn’t finish the job she started doing. Not sure why she needs to find his choice of videos ‘sexy’. People are allowed unsexy downtime in marriage 🙄

Show quote history

Yes but rather than put the piles away in the drawers, he dumps them somewhere else for her to finish sorting.

SnowFrogJelly · 15/06/2026 11:06

YABU.. first world problem

Swipe left for the next trending thread