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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to ask before moving laundry on the bed?

113 replies

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:34

I sometimes use our bed to fold laundry and sort it into piles — clothes for our two sons, me, DH’s.

Most of the time I put everything away, but occasionally I get distracted by the kids or something else and the piles are still on the bed later.

DH often goes to bed 20–30 minutes before me. When he finds clothes on the bed, he doesn’t throw them on the floor, but he does move the piles into one pile/corner so he can get into bed. This means I then have to sort everything out again, which drives me mad.

I’ve asked him to just come and tell me the clothes are still on the bed so I can move them properly. But I also know I’m the one who left them there in the first place.

I have asked him to come get me. But he didn't again last night.

AIBU to want him to ask me to help him move the clothes so that I don't need to sort them out again?

YABU - Bed should be cleared anyway, so DH is fine to clear it into a corner
YANBU - DH should ask you to move the clothes.

OP posts:
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Katrinawaves · 15/06/2026 18:49

UhOhRatPoo · 15/06/2026 16:49

He is going to bed when there is work still to be done. What a lazy arse.

Well you don’t actually know she’s downstairs working to be fair. She could have been slobbed out on the sofa binge watching a box set for hours and still there.

I think it’s unreasonable to start a task and wander off half way through and then call someone else lazy because they don’t finish it for you. It drives me insane when my husband half does things and I have to pick up the slack. I’d rather do the whole thing myself in my own way than have to salvage something half done. Folding the clothes and putting them away takes 5 minutes at most if it’s a single load so the OP is being massively unreasonable not just doing it properly even if she does get interrupted for a few minutes half way through by a child.

gingercat02 · 15/06/2026 16:53

He should put his own bloody clothes away, as should the kids if they are old enough.

UhOhRatPoo · 15/06/2026 16:49

He is going to bed when there is work still to be done. What a lazy arse.

Original poster
pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 16:46

OneThreadOnlybyN · 15/06/2026 16:17

She probably doesn't know where the pig swill goes either.

people have different responsibilities & preferences. I doubt he'd be able to figure out why her blue shirt goes here, but her red t shirt goes there.

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We don't have pigs 😉but I get your meaning. To be fair to me, DH is only in his early 40s but I have heard stories of farmers suddenly not being able to work (accidents/ heart attacks etc) and wives not having a clue where to start.

I do have a reasonable idea of what I would need to do. For my own sanity and peace of mind and hope that day doesn't come.

OP posts:
TheIdlerReturns · 15/06/2026 16:27

Why can't he put them away himself?

JHound · 15/06/2026 16:25

OneThreadOnlybyN · 15/06/2026 16:17

She probably doesn't know where the pig swill goes either.

people have different responsibilities & preferences. I doubt he'd be able to figure out why her blue shirt goes here, but her red t shirt goes there.

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I guess my standards are higher.

OneThreadOnlybyN · 15/06/2026 16:17

JHound · 15/06/2026 11:49

He says he doesn't know where my clothes go. They are not hard to figure out.

Ok this makes him sound useless as magically you know where his clothes go?

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She probably doesn't know where the pig swill goes either.

people have different responsibilities & preferences. I doubt he'd be able to figure out why her blue shirt goes here, but her red t shirt goes there.

Original poster
pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 14:17

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos another night garden fan I see. I finish the bin because I understand that he just forgot. To be fair he does pretty much all the outside work and I wouldn't finish that. He would be nice if he would just finish that laundry.

@Katrinawaves I think taking apart the car and leaving some clothes out are fairly different things. Depending on the time of day the sitting room/ kitchen are not good places to sort clothes with 2 young children.

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 15/06/2026 14:07

I think in the interests of happiness, it helps to have a few rules. Not many. Just a few. Talk when you're both calm and relaxed and agree a rule about it. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 14:03

Katrinawaves · 15/06/2026 13:53

So what? We all use the car in my house but I’d still be annoyed if my husband decided to strip the engine and leave the parts all over the kitchen floor until he got round to finishing the job.

Next you will be suggesting the husband is unreasonable for wanting to sleep in the bed before the OP can be arsed to put the clothes away!

Edited
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Laundry and car parts are obviously quite different though- one is unusual, one isn't.

I think he's lazy for not just putting them away himself.

Katrinawaves · 15/06/2026 13:53

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 12:48

"Communal space" what about the fact that they're communal clothes?

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So what? We all use the car in my house but I’d still be annoyed if my husband decided to strip the engine and leave the parts all over the kitchen floor until he got round to finishing the job.

Next you will be suggesting the husband is unreasonable for wanting to sleep in the bed before the OP can be arsed to put the clothes away!

FrankieMcGrath · 15/06/2026 12:57

PollyBell · 15/06/2026 10:29

So if my husband half finishes a job I should complete it for him?

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No but in this case you also shouldn’t wreck what he has done if you’re not finishing it. The Op said she has asked him to call her to finish it & he didn’t do that either - poor form from him.

Soontobe60 · 15/06/2026 12:51

YABU purely because you’re doing all the laundry! Does your DH have no arms? Why on earth can he not put the laundry away?

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 12:48

Katrinawaves · 15/06/2026 12:47

YABU because you are spreading over a communal space and not clearing up before it needs to be used and it doesn’t matter why you were interrupted what matters is that after the interruption you didn’t go back and finish the job and then made your own disorganisation somehow your husbands fault.

Dont use the bed for this task is the obvious answer. Use the kitchen table or the sofa or the floor of the living room. That will mean that you will see that the job is unfinished because it’s in a high traffic area and you will remember to do it before he even gets home from work much less leaving it until he’s ready for bed.

"Communal space" what about the fact that they're communal clothes?

Katrinawaves · 15/06/2026 12:47

YABU because you are spreading over a communal space and not clearing up before it needs to be used and it doesn’t matter why you were interrupted what matters is that after the interruption you didn’t go back and finish the job and then made your own disorganisation somehow your husbands fault.

Dont use the bed for this task is the obvious answer. Use the kitchen table or the sofa or the floor of the living room. That will mean that you will see that the job is unfinished because it’s in a high traffic area and you will remember to do it before he even gets home from work much less leaving it until he’s ready for bed.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 15/06/2026 12:33

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 11:52

LOVE the idea of coloured boxes.

DC cannot sort the clothes they are 3 and 1. They will when they are older.

I am a forgetful person. I do get distracted easily and it is something I am working on. But when DS aged 1 comes in to try and pull the clothes down or DS 3 yells from the bathroom 'mummmmmyyyy pooooo' I tend to go.

DH will have seen the clothes he comes home, showers and gets comfy clothes in our room. He is a farmer so works a few hours even on Sundays.

I don't expect him to finish my jobs, hence, why I asked him to tell me. If he takes the rubbish out he often forgets to put a new bag in, I do it.

Yes it is a "first world problem". I have plenty of deeper ones - like my mother (enormous story full of my abandonment/ neglect/ abuse/ PTSD/ ADHD) who is coming out of rehab again today and trying to keep my very poor/ very new boundaries intact.

I work from home and like to chat. This is not that deep and really will not impact our relationship.

I don't expect him to finish my jobs, hence, why I asked him to tell me. If he takes the rubbish out he often forgets to put a new bag in, I do it.

So he shouldn't finish your jobs but you finish his?

Why?

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 15/06/2026 12:32

pontipinemum · 15/06/2026 09:43

They don't tend to stay in their piles. They fall over/ get jumbled. He balances them on various things. I would put away our clothes then put DSs into a basket - as they would be in bed

And he can't do this why?

PurpleThistle7 · 15/06/2026 12:23

I was assuming the children were sleeping in the rooms the laundry would go so they need an in between solution...

Mischance · 15/06/2026 12:14

TheWineoftheChicken · 15/06/2026 09:56

If DH came to tell me that there were piles of clothes on the bed I think I’d just look at him blankly before suggesting that maybe he could put them away, then.

Quite. My late OH wpuld have done this.

Spottyvases · 15/06/2026 12:12

AnonymityAnonymity · 15/06/2026 09:38

If the piles of clothing on the bed are sorted why can't your H put them away?
If you are busy doing other things he shouldn't need to come and find you. He could just do the job himself.

This in spades!!

Who the hell is saying the OP is being unreasonable? Her 'D'H is one totally lazy arse. You can bet your last pound on who does more housework in this place - yep - the woman. As per feckin' usual...

SummerInSun · 15/06/2026 12:07

maidai78 · 15/06/2026 09:44

Yea I would be asking him why he can’t simply put the piles in the right rooms or even outside the door if he doesn’t want to wake the kids

This. I often sort laundry after the kids are asleep and just leave the piles outside their rooms or just inside their doors, for them to put away in the morning (at least that’s the theory - still trying to train them up so that they don’t become laundry-incompetent men!)

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 15/06/2026 12:07

He can learn where clothes go. Like you have. Its slightly pathetic he seems incapable of that.

PurpleThistle7 · 15/06/2026 12:04

I also do 99% of the laundry and sort it on the bed. (My husband does plenty else - like 100% of the cooking). I wouldn't want him putting mine away anyway.

However - just as a solution (if this isn't just one example of him being useless and you actually prefer him to leave it alone), just get 4 baskets that stack into each other. I have a small laundry basket from IKEA for each kid, fill it up and then it's there waiting for me if I don't finish it immediately and come back to it later in the week or whenever. I usually put it away once the basket is full - I work full-time so that tends to sit around until the weekend and I blitz it.

Springtimeinsunshine · 15/06/2026 12:03

sweetpickle2 · 15/06/2026 11:29

Okay. I was just correcting your misunderstanding that 'unsexy' referred to the tractor videos.

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Bit of a side track but whenever I see "tractor videos" it reminds me of that MP who was watching porn in Parliament. I wonder if that's DPs euphemism too 👀

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/06/2026 12:02

Surely he should just put them away - I fail to see how he can run a farm but not know where his kids pants go.