To want to start the day with a tidy house???

Are you both working similar hours?

Make him do bedtime, then you can tidy and sit on your phone once you're done.

Why aren’t you both tidying up together before the bedtime routine?
One person washes up/wipes around, the other puts toys away and vacuums. Takes 15 minutes and that’s it, done.

2 hours is also a ridiculous amount of time doing a bedtime routine, my children are 5 & 7, bedtime for both of them takes no longer than 20 minutes

YANBU. We also have a 2 year old and alternate bedtimes. Whoever’s not doing bedtime does the dishes, tidies round, any other jobs that need doing. If either of us have had a particularly hard day we might swap, or the non-bedtime person just have a break if they need it and the other pick up the slack afterwards, but it’s a conversation and agreement. not an expectation.

YANBU. My husband puts our toddlers to bed while I clean up downstairs, sort washing out etc. then we both get to sit down at a similar time.

Have you had a conversation with him about this? For instance DH usually sqeegies the shower while I do tea last night he asked if I’d sqeegie, my response of course my love if you could put tea on? He decided to stick with the squeegeeing!!

I would tell him the current set up is not working for you as have no evening left to relax so something needs to change Give him 3 choices, bath time, teeth & story time, or tidy-up and he has to do 1 of those consistently every night.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. If one's doing bedtime, the other gets the house in some kind of order. That's just fair. It doesn't mean two hours of housework. Just making it nice and calm for when the other person needs to relax, and everything's ready for the next day.

All I'd say in his defence is that everyone draws the 'tidy' line in a different place. In later life, I realised I was pretty untidy by a lot of my friends and relatives standards. I was embarrassed to realise this. I thought they were just being fussy and didn't really mean it! I genuinely didn't mind or even notice if there was stuff waiting to be put away, or a few crumbs waiting to be wiped on a work surface etc. It was only when I was in my 50s and a later partner really drew my attention to it that the penny dropped.

So have a calm conversation with DH, and tell him what the household needs. Because a calm house is not just for your benefit. It's better for kids and marriages. (See 'later partner' above...!)

If he's anything like me, he'll need you to spell out the basics. Put the toys away - helps if there aren't dozens out in the first place of course. Straighten out the sofa / throw / cushions. Deal with any mugs and plates that have accumulated. Maybe run the hoover round. Whatever it is that makes the place comfortable. It has to be a routine. Even the sound of the hoover can help DC understand it's bedtime / end of the day now and provide a kind of comfort. .

It won't just be one conversation with DH and probably won't be easy. It's a long game to change someone's expectations, what he grew up with, etc. You might be accused of nagging. Bringing it back to my experience, I'm quite chill but I did still resent being told what to do like a child.

But keep at it, and keep the focus on it being about making a calm setting for the family. Not blaming him, or him accusing you of being a neat freak or whatever . It's for everyone's benefit, most of all DC's.

He sounds like a lazy teenager rather than fully grown adult and parent. Extremely unattractive. I can’t believe he just ignores the whole 2 hour bedtime routine you’re undertaking upstairs and casually watches films! Put him in the bin.

Understandable. Ask yourself what the point of him is. Sounds like you're doing everything already.

Your DP sounds very unattractive. Imagine spending 2 hours relaxing instead of doing some cleaning. It must be like having a toddler and a teenager. I wouldn't even want to shag him.

I wouldn’t be standing for this, totally unfair on you! Me &DH alternate doing bedtimes, and the one who isn’t doing the bedtime routine clears up after dinner and tidies up toys, runs vacuum around etc.

Your DH needs to pull his weight. Why is your bedtime routine taking 2 hours?