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Original poster

That I will never talk to some people again…

82 replies

MyWildOliveGoose · 15/06/2026 08:51

I’ve recently been through one hell of a health battle. Not one that necessarily affects anyone else but did change my quality of life significantly. I was unable to work and suffered severe fatigue, alongside other symptoms ofcourse but I managed it.

All I asked of anyone around me, was just to be the same with me, invite me out as they usually would, check in occasionally as they usually would, and pop round for a cuppa on a whim as they usually would.

I am the type of person, that my house is an open door policy to friends, family etc.. and I have BBQs through the summer, cocktail/mocktail evenings at Christmas, games nights etc all no invite necessary, I just let people know and they were welcome if available, and this is a life I’ve always adored.

For the first few months after my diagnosis things remained the same, although I was fatigued I ensured I kept up the life I’d built and relationships I valued. I never said no to a meet up, went to events to support my friends and we had a rule that we would only talk about my health if and when necessary as I really didn’t want it to always be the topic of discussion all the time. I had a games night, and a BBQ and everything went well. I needed more help cleaning up after than usual but no one seemed to mind.

After summer last year, everything changed. The girls group chat I was in with my closest friends fell silent, I noticed by October none of them had even messaged to say hello for weeks, and social media was showing me that I was no longer being invited to our usual coffees and walks, brunches, BBQs at other friends houses etc. I let it pass as I have other groups of friends unconnected and these relationships were only getting stronger, which was nice.

Fast forward to now, there’s been absolutely no contact between myself and that group since summer last year other than me sending happy birthday messages, merry Christmas etc however I had nothing from them on my birthday or Christmas - not even a reply. I’m honestly not even sure what I’ve done. It’s only a group of 5 of us. It has caused me quite a bit of upset as I thought we were close friends.

Anyway, I’ve just done a month in hospital and now I’m finally on the road to recovery. I have received some messages from the friends in this group. They’re not even necessarily just wishing me well, they do ofcourse, however they’re also fishing for information. I’ve simply replied thanking them for their well wishes, and ignoring the questions. Which then, I have noticed, caused another person to message wishing me well, and ask the same questions. I gave them the same blanket response.

Am I being unreasonable in the fact; before this, I had decided I just didn’t want to speak to any of them ever again and chose not to? Ofcourse I won’t be rude and I will thank them for well wishes but that’s just that. I have nothing else to say. In my mind, we aren’t friends anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyWildOliveGoose · 15/06/2026 09:09

BMW58 · 15/06/2026 08:57

Im sorry youre having such a shitty time.

What information are they fishing for? Who are the beneficiaries in your will???

It's odd that they've ALL become so distant, as if co-ordinated as a group. Is one a "leader" and the others fall in line with her?

Or was that person actually you?

Or is it a case of like attracts like so they always were fairly nasty?

Hard to speculate without knowing the group dynamics.

One is definitely a leader, I suppose. She’s the youngest of us, probably the most fun, and fairly bitchy but we all tend to just take that with a pinch of salt. I wouldn’t say the group in general was nasty. She and I did have a fall out last year, it was over differing political opinion, but I thought we’d put it past us.

They’re asking when I’m going to be “better”.. if I’m returning to work, when I’ll be “firing all cylinders” and having BBQs etc again.. The beneficiaries in my will are my children, no one else at all.

OP posts:
ArtfullyDistressed · 15/06/2026 09:08

senua · 15/06/2026 09:03

You say that you were really ill but showed no signs of it, carried on as before. You've been secretive about your recent stay in hospital. Maybe they think that you are not being totally truthful?

And, as ever, if they are such good mates why can't you phone somebody up / arrange a meet-up and just talk to them?Confused

Or they simply have no idea how ill the OP is, if she carried on socialising as before, rationed information, had a rule about only talking about her health when she deemed it necessary — it’s not even clear how the group knows she’s been in hospital for a month if she’s had no contact with them since summer of last year?

Flamingojune · 15/06/2026 09:07

Why are you reluctant to answer questions? Isn't that part of friendship?

senua · 15/06/2026 09:03

You say that you were really ill but showed no signs of it, carried on as before. You've been secretive about your recent stay in hospital. Maybe they think that you are not being totally truthful?

And, as ever, if they are such good mates why can't you phone somebody up / arrange a meet-up and just talk to them?Confused

ArtfullyDistressed · 15/06/2026 08:58

More information needed, OP. Are you saying that you were continuing to socialise as usual with all your friendship groups, hosting and going out etc, and that suddenly, with no change on your part, no increase in illness etc, one group just stopped getting in touch or inviting you to the things you usually do together? ETA And what @BMW58 said.

BMW58 · 15/06/2026 08:57

Im sorry youre having such a shitty time.

What information are they fishing for? Who are the beneficiaries in your will???

It's odd that they've ALL become so distant, as if co-ordinated as a group. Is one a "leader" and the others fall in line with her?

Or was that person actually you?

Or is it a case of like attracts like so they always were fairly nasty?

Hard to speculate without knowing the group dynamics.

Goodmorningeveryone26 · 15/06/2026 08:56

That’s really hurtful, OP. I wonder if you were effectively the driver in the group so when you weren’t taking things forward and making plans things just didn’t happen. It still means they were not being good friends, but might explain the silence?
in answer to your question, I think it’s understandable you wouldn’t want to be friends any more. Will you bump into each other at some point? Can you ask any of them what happened from their perspective and say how hurt you were?