That I will never talk to some people again…

People fall away when we become ill or disabled. A lot more people than would admit it, they just CBA with the empathy and the change required to continue on an even keel. It changes what boxes you fit into in their heads. It disrupts the status quo and inevitably makes things harder or less fun (no fault of yours at all, of course).

No great loss, but it will unfortunately hurt and take years to realise that, in my experience.

OP can you tell us more about the "political disagreement" because this might also have something to do with it. Did you stop talking to them after this happened?

Hi Op, sorry to hear that amongst all your health battles, you're also dealing with the sadness that comes with realising people aren't what you thought they were.
One thing I'm wondering about is the fact that they kept bringing conversations round to your health situation.
I would feel really shit about moaning about my life or regaling you with stories of things going well for me when I knew you were suffering so maybe that's why conversations kept returning to your condition...?
I remember once giving out about my mum to a friend who had previously lost her mum and she was upset with me for being so insensitive.
Sometimes people do the wrong thing by trying to do the right thing.

Has anyone else in this group gone through anything challenging OP? Any other illnesses/losses/divorce etc? I am HIGHLY suspicious of the weird nosey texts they all sent - especially after you didn't answer the first lot. It makes me wonder if they have all been gossiping about you. Which would in turn suggest that they have never struggled or gone through anything difficult, because if they had, they wouldn't be turning your struggles into entertainment.

These women are not your friends. You're doing the right thing letting them go.

So sorry for what you’ve been through - you are a better person than me because I would have told this group what I think of their friendship and cut them off completely.
It’s true that you find out who your real friends are when going through a tough time.

I don’t know why you are getting a hard time from some on here but above post nailed it.

you are like me and if I were ill I would not

like to be chatting about my illness at every meet up, I would want it not to be me me me all the time, and would want it to be like as before.

I can tell you kept the relationship on an even keel even when ill. But this group for whatever reason set up a new what’s app group and carried on without you, it’s obvious. U thought you were close, but it’s so hurtful they did not get in touch at Xmas or your bday! They are not good friends. But even when v ill, you have messaged them on their birthdays etc! They did not show you this thoughtfulness back!

so now they are sniffing round for info as they realised that they can’t be arsed to host their own BBQs or have everyone round to theirs, as good old Olive will do all the work n host it!

You said u had another group who were the opposite, and are constantly there for you. Do yourself a favour and stick with this group.

Well it sounds to me like they have been kept at arms length about an important topic - important to both you and them - and that is your health. They don't know how well or ill you are. They therefore don't know how to act with you, whether and how to include you in group activities. They don't feel they can ignore the elephant in the room that is your health. You're being so cryptic hasn't allayed any of their concerns or questions, its probably made them worse. I don't think you are being very understanding of how tricky it is to negotiate a friends illness at times.

Nothing about this thread surprises me I’m afraid. I had similar, ditched by friends after child became ill. It feels like there’s a time limit to some people’s interest and sympathy, especially if you’re not available to do the things you used to do together.

Given what you have carefully explained , I would feel exactly the same .
Health scares can change so many things & friendship is often what gets you through .
It seems in your case , this particular group failed miserably & now the guilt is becoming apparent . For me , when it comes to friendship - it’s ’ once bitten twice shy ‘ . I would maintain distance & leave it at that . Good luck & best wishes with your recovery .

Maybe an ill person is better off without friends who want everything to be about them and what they want to talk about, when they are not the ones suffering with it

They probably have limited energy and prioritise the people closest to them

People are really funny about illness, or a lot of them are anyway. I had a serious diagnosis a while ago. It's not life threatening but neither will it ever go away. I have regular flare ups and have had to learn a new way of organising my life so as to balance work, health and everything else. My life has changed a lot and I freely admit it's all a bit tedious. Some friends have wanted to know all about it, which is fine, and some haven't really cared much at all, which is also OK as I know where I am with that, but the worst has been friends who want to make a huge fuss about how unwell I've been but then expect me to get better, which I've been very clear isn't going to happen. People seem to be really cross about the fact that I can't control my condition, and that I can't (or more accurately won't) make myself worse in order to accommodate their social plans. It's as though everyone knows they ought to be sympathetic to illness but they can only keep it up so long. So I get it, OP, and YANBU to walk away from these friendships. Look after yourself, and stick with friends who care enough to support you, or at least trust you to support yourself, not make you feel worse.

You didn't! Sorry, I didn't communicate clearly. Your description of persevering through hosting to the point of exhaustion, and not wanting people to talk about your illness, reminded me of being with someone who was visibly emaciated and frail but in complete denial about being unwell and unable to do things as normal.

I guess I would encourage you to cut your friends some slack, because I would find it very difficult being with you if you didn't want me to talk about your illness but you were visibly effected by it. I could imagine stepping back from the relationship until such time I heard on the grapevine you'd finished treatment. If you were then cryptic and evasive when I asked about your recovery I may well ask a mutual friend to get in touch to see if you were more comfortable with them and able to talk freely about your health.
If it feels nosy for someone to enqire about your recovery after a long and serious illness they're not close friends. Maybe this group of women are an awkward in-between good friends and aquaintences.

Youbare giv8ngnthem.too much benefit of the doubt.

She Merry Christmassed the group - none of them replied. Suggesting they felt pushed out- poor petals! - is no excuse for not responding to a seasonal greeting that we exchange with strangers. They were rude, all of them.

And if they felt pushed out by the OP's reluctance to discuss her health then, why, after a year, have they all recovered their nerve now and started bothering her for details again?

They’ve obviously been having separate bitching sessions about you and are fishing for fuel for their gossip. Who needs friends like that?! Vile playground antics!

When you are well enough - do host a BBQ with your real friends and post the pictures on social media. And if any of them dare to ask why they weren’t invited just say “I didn’t think we were seeing each other anymore after no invitations from you for a year”. Then block if necessary.

I wondered if it was an eating disorder, reading MyWildOliveGoose's posts.

Yup, this. I wouldn’t have replied at all. Just deleted the group and blocked them all.

Wether it's right or wrong id feel as you do I think, so I'd probably just leave it and try to make new friends , your right to give no info but polite short replies

Because they are being nosy! That’s all . They havnt reached out since mid last year and not invited her to things . They didn’t reply to Xmas and birthday messages but then they want to know things . Yeah right !

@NoCommentingFromNowOn your reply is spot on. From earlier replies I thought i had read the thread incorrectly.
@MyWildOliveGoose did make a great effort to keep the group going. She kept reaching out despite their silence. They couldn't even contact her at Christmas but then reappeared when it suits them? That is rude and ignorant.
The group continued to meet, just excluded her. Contacting OP now with no apology or attempt to explan shows exactly who they are. Arrogant and entitled.
You are a better person than me @MyWildOliveGoose . I would be so hurt at their behaviour it would be difficult not to respond by asking where they had been for the past year and why they ignored my attempts at communicating.

Maybe they think it's you who were keeping a distance, OP? I totally understand that you didn't always want to talk about your illness, but I wonder if they took that as you pushing them away? It might especially be so if you inadvertently showed some irritation. I would communicate with them. Tell them that you feel they weren't there for you as you hadn't heard from them for so long and that you feel you were ghosted. You might find that it's all a big misunderstanding. What have you got to lose? You couldn't feel worse than you do now about them. I think it would be a real pity to walk away without trying to get some clarity. Otherwise you might always wonder why. There are times I've had this talk with someone, and it might not always have ended up rosy, but I walked away with a clearer idea of what had happened, and I was less hurt as a result.