AIBU to find a girl's comment about social media quite sad

Well, that's sad. Life is what you make it!

My teens I joined the ATC. Made great friends, went rock climbing, flew a glider, flew a plane, went canoeing, did my Duke of Edinburgh, went camping, marches, RAF camps and this was just the tip.

Plenty to do out there if people look.

I'm a bit torn. I don't like nothing but phones and I get my 13 year old out and about plenty.

But he also really enjoys creating you tube content for his specialist (train based) interest and following other accounts (which I check and are all just about this topic). He's been really enjoying a series about trains and WW2, some engineering based content etc on you tube.

He's learned video editing skills. It's all completely anonymous and he doesn't put himself in any of it.

He will be gutted to lose his you tube account as he's put a lot of work into it.

Edited to say the online element supports non social media based activities. He does a lot of scratch builds, modification, creative activities but part of the fun is being able to share these in communities that appreciate the differences I can't see!

My 13 year old doesn’t have any social media. She gets the bus home from school, does her homework, practices her instrument, reads, plays football/netball in the garden with her sister, walks the dog, meets up with friends… 2 days a week she has a sports club, 1 day a week she has drama club, 1 evening a week she cooks dinner for the family… she has loads to do. Harder if you haven’t really kept up with any hobbies or interests I guess.

Is there really a lot to do that doesn’t a) cost a fortune or b) rely on parents being available to provide lifts and transport?

The idea that teens are going to suddenly start doing loads of wholesome activities now that social media is banned is a bit ridiculous imo.

I think there is less for especially older teens to do than when I was one in the 90s.
we went to town all the time, there were frequent cheap buses. The cinema was cheap and in town, few screens and not much on though. People I went to school with lived close by and we spent a lot of time wandering and making pests of ourselves.
I also read a lot and did lots of drawing. I can remember being very bored a lot of time.

DD also reads a lot and draws/makes things/scrapbooks but struggles to find things to do. Her friends live miles away, town is horrible and pointless now. She did do some activities when younger but outgrew them or they ended because of covid.

I think there was more opportunity to just be with your friends, now it’s just more complicated.

It’s not about having no belief in young people, it’s about remembering my own teen years without social media and knowing that I didn’t do all the wholesome activities that everyone is listing on here.

I watched a lot of daytime TV, spent far too much money in McDonald’s or on sweets, sat in the park (and got moaned at by parents of younger children) and that was pretty much it. I spent a lot of time being incredibly bored and doing very, very little.

Grim

I wholeheartedly disagree with a SM ban (but maybe that's because I actively parent my kids so whole my 14 year old uses some SM its not excessive and is heavily controlled) but im currently on holiday in the USA and phone zombie adults are everywhere... every shop assistant is half arsed and on theor phones, airport workers... and at least 40% of drivers sitting in heavy moving traffic on the I4 (which is like the m25 at rush hour all the time) scrolling on their phones... its scary stuff to see.

The sadder thing is adults agreeing there's nothing to do. There's plenty to do, social media is just the easy option.

Oh and the 90s i did not spend any time as a teenager at the library or "community centre". What are those? There was no youth club.

I met friends to play badminton at the leisure centre. Went swimming. Played musical instruments, sang in a choir. Met friends outdoors and played rounders, walked around the local shops. Met at friends houses and played games (one guy had a dartboard in his garage). "Hung out" eg sat around a table with cans of pop doing stupid quizzes in a magazine or chatted about friends/boys/school.

There's 'nothing else to do' because social media exists.
That's literally the point of it. Little snap shots to keep you scrolling, which traps you in to doing nothing else, losing skills, not socialising etc etc

That's what I did with mine, I couldn't have given a shiny shit what little Tommy's parents were doing, or whether I was being "tight" or whatever! 😁
This ban would make it easier though. Like I used to say, "you're not allowed it until you're at least 13 and then we'll talk about it."
To have that up until 16 would be even better .
It's not good for mental health. At least we had it easier to leave our bullies behind us at school when we came through the door.
Then there's the constant algorithm pushing of potentially harmful/disturbing content too.

The kids in my family do:

• ballet and dance. Older teen helps in younger kids classes & gets reduced costs as a result. Also meets friends to practise dance.
• brass instrument & wind band through local music service.
• air cadets
• scouts
• netball in a low cost social league with weekly training & matches, practises with friends.
• tennis at a very inexpensive local club & regularly goes for a knock about with friends on public courts.
• Rugby at local club

Of course I don't know why people are on their phones.

But it doesn't explain the necessity for walking down the street focused on the phone. It's a danger to the phone user and a danger to other people.

Shes right and it is sad. I had a job at that age, most of my friends did, so we went shopping, cinema, out for food, just out walking/chatting etc.

Now when teens congregate a busy body puts a post on FB, they are followed around, barely any jobs for them so less chances to do things as parents are struggling to pay for them to go out.....

Do parents nowadays really find themselves unable to make and enforce rules and restrictions for their kids without the government actually making it illegal?

Is it like the old trick that some parents play with their little kids in 'calling the policeman to tell you off for being naughty' - when the 'policeman' on the other end of the phone just happens to sound uncannily like Uncle Kevin?

Is "I am your parent and I say No" not a thing anymore?

All of them when they’re not allowed to be online zombies and have to amuse themselves.God some people really have 0 belief in young people.

Load of nonsense, as well - there are more things to do than when we were kids!

Yep - take them out for hikes, cycle rides. Teach them to cook, knit, sew, whittle wood, build stuff, mend bikes and other mechanical things, play instruments, sing, write songs, poems, stories, paint and draw, make cartoon strips, put on plays. Show them safe routes to walk or use public transport to reach the swimming baths or cinema, library or skating rink, and how to get back safely (if they are within reachable distance.) A whole generation - maybe two, have been taught they cannot cope with discomfort, boredom, mild danger, insecurity, brief spells of anxiety, problems that need solving. We need to remedy that. I was guilty of it in some ways and when I realised, I had to backtrack, hard.

I read - my teens read and have othe hobbies but I do think you have a point.

I remember some program I think it was some surbubs of London the richer more affluent family with teens were like there is loads to do - few miles low income family similar aged kids complaining there was nothing to do. I supect the barriers were money. Showed same area different resources very different experiences.

I also think world is more hostile to teens just hanging out. We used to live centrally in a city in our 20s and there was an orsctestra and private school and teen kids midday saturday would be in plazza just hanging out after activities Every time my FIL saw them he's insist something was kicking off and trouble was brewing - there was never any bother but we were never listen to.

Our own teens decades later have sometimes enocunted hostility when a larger group was just hanging out - not causing trouble - just meeting up some where they don't have to spend money -and it's made very hard.

I agree. DS2 is autistic and struggled socially. he hated all forms of clubs and societies, and just went to one music group which he frequently asked to not go to, even though he loved playing his instrument. He just hated having to leave the house. I refused and said he had to do this or something else once a week so he stuck with it. He's now a really excellent musician and plays in a big band which is the basis of his very lively social life as an adult.

As parents, we have to be willing to say 'No, you have to stick at this – I know you'll be glad later on,' while maintaining a balance so we don't push them too hard or over-schedule them.

Exactly, wish it was around when my late teen was nagging my head off wanting FB etc!

Sure but how many teens are actually going to do those things?

She’s not wrong though is she what else is there for them to do?

Social media has existed for a nano second in the context of all human life. They'll get over it and find sources of other entertainment just like everyone else for the entire history of humanity has.

Our kids are a different breed but that's our fault and it's up to us to get off our lazy backsides put our own phones down and go through the pain & frustration of teaching these poor kids how to exist outside of the digital world.