AIBU to find a girl's comment about social media quite sad

Just this past weekend I took my toddler to a playground and observed a group of 8 children around 10-11yo ALL on their phones for an hour and a half, doomscrolling and showing videos to each other. Interrupted by short periods of play, only to be back on their phones moments later.

I’m sure that’s not how parents want them to use their phones, but that’s what it looks like when you leave it up to tweens and teens to ‘be sensible’.

You can’t compare this with watching daytime TV or endlessly reading books to kill the boredom (how is this even in the same
ballpatk as SM??) I watched a lot of TV when growing up but it was limited and I didn’t have it in my room or outside when meeting friends, talking, finding things to do. It wasn’t personalised to target my biggest fears, it didn’t bully or endanger me as a child. I’m dumbfounded as to why that difference isn’t absolutely obvious to everyone complaining about their boring childhood.

I agree not all parents parent. With this SM ban those bad parents will just log in for their kid or their older sibling will.

It will stop nothing except kids will then look at their mates phone (whose parents give their log ins) and good parents will not be able to use parental controls to see what their own kid is accessing! If the child is looking at Dave’s phone whose parents give him free reign they are unlikely to tell you as you may stop them hanging about with Dave. And then they only get to see what Dave shows them. If it’s misinformation you can’t even discuss as you aren’t aware.

Maybe the government could start looking after kids by ensuring men caught with child sex abuse images on their hard drive get 20 years inside rather than a slap in the wrist.

Plus kids don’t care about parents parenting they will just vote at 16 for a party that lifts the ban. And at present that’s Reform or Restore.

To be honest I think it’s better to look for the solutions to the ‘there’s nothing else to do’ problem than to just complain about the ban. Obviously finding ways to get around the ban might be the solution for some families.
For others… my teen doesn’t have social media and this is some of the stuff she does at home.
If you can pick up a cheap second hand kindle there are loads of apps where you can get unlimited free books (our local physical library closed down, sadly). She also likes to cook for the family, which gives her something productive to do in the evenings. She really enjoys looking up recipes and trying to cook new dishes. She has also recently taught herself to crochet on YouTube and is making a blanket for her grandmother for her birthday.
We picked up a second hand netball hoop for the garden and her and her sister spend a long time playing out there. They play football together too, either in the garden or at a patch of grass near our house.
She likes to draw and uses books like ‘Draw with Rob’ to help.
She has friends round a fair bit, they mainly hang out in her room listening to music and chatting. They also look up hairstyle tutorials and practice them on themselves and each other.
Then of course there is TV! Films/tv programmes etc will still be accessible.
I know I’m going to get an onslaught of people telling me why those things aren’t possible for their child, and I know some people don’t have gardens/ovens etc, but I just thought I’d give some ideas.

Im not sure how I feel about this really, it feels like a punishment to those who use it sensibly. Mine have always had screen time locks and downtime set up.
They have to get approval from me or my husband for any app they want to download therefore they dont have access to social media apps until we think they are appropriate. Its always been a discussion with our children on appropriate usage and behaviour.
My children attend alot of extra curricular activities so phone time is used sensibly as down time like many adults not as the 'activity' however I do think telling children to fill thier time with clubs ect isn't always viable. They are expensive and time consuming for adults.
As for just go outside and hang out with friends that wouldn't be possible for one of my children who attends school with children who live over an hour away from each other. They chat over the phone instead via video calls.
I think realistically the right thing to do would be to have a child account linked to an adult and set screen limits.

There are plenty of things kids can do apart from social media. Too many people are far too quick to complain that there’s nothing to do. Kids found things to do before social media was invented. There are ways around things for most people (perhaps not all). Even small villages tend to have at least one or two things for kids to do (sport etc). If children have friends, there is more often than not parents who could give lifts to others and are happy to share lifts. This may not apply to every single child, but I think the vast majority of parents could find a way of their children doing things other than scrolling on phones. There are lots of free and low cost things for children to do. Local selling/giving sites (ironically often on social media) often have bikes or sewing machines, for example, being sold cheaply or given away. Parents and children need to use their imagination to find things to fill their time.

We have a local sports team which is offering coaching and a shirt, and works out about £1 a week. There are still local children moaning about being bored and spending their evenings on social media.

They could always have said no.

TBH I think banning social media is better than banning smart phones as so much public transport roudn here relies on tickets and timetables via apps - so at least teens getting around themsleves still have access to those.

Same.

I read and re-read books in the house- and watch too much TV and did school work - and post 16 did find work. Parenst didn't let us hang around on street corners and they put it. Couldn't even get to local libabry as neede lift or bus money to nearest town it was in. It wasn't an action packed feast of activity.

I think many miss that a lot of these activites listed aren't free - and may be cheap for them but may not be for families with tighter budgets and perhaps less time or transport. Kids also tend to play out less and teens in groups often enocunter hostility.

Having said that our kids have greater access to hobbies inside house - and as PP often seen on you tube first- and kindle full of books and outside access to green spaces and libraries - we live outskirts of city. We choose to live there as our rural upbringingg in 80s- and teen 90s were not great for things to do.

It's again a parenting issue living in area with stuff to do or providing something in some form- though I'd say amount of time on phones and what kids are doing on them is also a parenting issue.

I just think all of this is mad. Absolute madness.

Parents could always have monitored their child’s social media and screen use.

They didn’t have to be allowed to have 9+ hours a day of social media time, or have access to unchecked accounts that didn’t have adult oversight.

It’s all well and good Rupert Lowe saying “let parents parent,” evidently not all of them are to begin with.

You will eventually need to enter digital ID. I believe that is the real reason for this. They will say kids are bypassing it so we all need to give our digi id to log in. Then they can see what you are posting and looking at.

Now even if you don’t mind Labour watching what you are doing on line - can you be sure you will be happy with future governments having access to that? Had Biden introduced it would you be happy with Trump accessing it?

But it gives the parents an excuse not to buy a smart phone for their children.

This - it’s crazy that people think clubs are accessible to all kids! It is not safe to walk through many towns after dusk! So many people don’t have enough money - some clubs may only be £5 a week but you still have to drive them there and if it’s sea cadets (for example) and they are at the canoe centre that week you have to drive them to the canoe centre. That could be another 20 mile round trip!

I asked earlier on this thread has any party said they will oppose this and a quick google came up with the answer.

Rupert Lowe has posted -

A Restore Britain Government will repeal Starmer's social media ban and let parents parent.

Also
Any attempt to impose mandatory Digital ID will be fully repealed, scrapped and eradicated by a Restore Britain Government.

Edited to add - Just saw that Farage has also posted-

Whilst the social media ban is well-intentioned, it’s unlikely to work given the mass adoption of VPNs. It will also mean the introduction of Digital ID via the back door. The real answer here is handsets for children with limited features.

Watch the kids move to the right.

They can get around it just by lying when they enter their date of birth. How do you think current under-13s get social media accounts? All that is happening is that the age limit is being raised from 13 to 16.

It depends on how it is implemented
A VPN is typically used to change the apparent location, if you change to a country that has restrictions then you inherit those restrictions and also change the algorithms underlying data about you which can mean seeing content relating to that country (potentially in another language)

A VPN would grant an IP address within its remit, which can be another source of obstruction such as whether you have an IP address within a block managed by a mobile / internet provider or within a block managed by a VPN provider

Legislation will be directed to the social media providers, they will need to take reasonable steps, which of course could be bypassed with some effort. A child bypassing could let the provider off the hook or could be using a method that the provider should be taking into account

Steps were brought in for access to porn. Children will still be bypassing and accessing it, but internet providers and source sites should be taking reasonable action.
Parents also bear responsibility even if not legal liability

ID on apple accounts is one example, it’s not a legal requirement in every country, but a basic check has been put into place by Apple.
You may not be asked to verify your age with Apple if you have had an account for long enough and have the choice whether or not to provide proof of age - that may or may not impact on your use of services

Except we don’t all live in areas where those things are easily accessible (or where they exist at all). Transport, money, working parents etc. are genuine barriers to a lot of the activities you’ve listed.

It’s great that your teens have that on their doorstep and that you’re able to finance it, but that’s just not reality for many people. When I was a teen my parents worked full time and weren’t available to take me anywhere. The majority of activities weren’t accessible by public transport and those that were cost a lot of money or were at times were it wasn’t possible to catch a bus there and back.

I’m not sure what’s “sad” about that.

There is loads for kids to do. Mine do 6/7 clubs a week plus school clubs. I spend well over £500 a month on clubs. But I’m fully aware there are thousands of families who do not have this luxury. Who are afraid to walk through town to Brownies at 7.30 on a Tuesday evening on a dark November evening with two small girls. Who cannot spend £40 a month on a one hour a week gym class. Or whose ex husband refuses to take them to Saturday coaching on his weekend so they never get picked for the match anyway.

For those kids a crochet video or gym or dance video in YouTube may be useful. Mine spent an hour watching, stopping and rewinding a knitting video and a learn piano video. It’s cheap and I sat and did the knitting with them.

I live in a leafy area but I will no longer allow my kids to play at the park without me supervising. Criminals get away with crime and rapes are rising. I saw a massive shoplifting in a small supermarket in a really nice area - staff said it’s very common and no point calling the police as it’s a weekly occurrence - so my kids don’t go to the shop alone like I used to at 10-14.

I am very strict with gaming and SM access - they use very little as they are busy at clubs.

But this isn’t about protecting kids it’s about stopping middle aged people looking at the state of the U.K. on X and Facebook and TikTok - they want us to enter ID. Why is bluesky okay - lots of groomers are on bluesky - I closed my account and won’t let my kids access it (blocked).

I am not daft, I know my kids can access SM via a mates older brothers account or via the tech savvy year 9 or via their mate who has his grandmothers account on his phone as she is tech illiterate and he has to do all her online appointments. Does anyone really think there kids are now safe due to this? I discuss how they cannot unsee something so they need to be careful. But surely a limited access phone is the way? Why do parents want the government to parent their kids? The argument will now just be all my mates have bluesky can I have it?

Least the 13- 17s won’t vote Labour at the next election - they will be swotting up now on which party will withdraw the ban. 🤣

Has any party come out and said they will reverse it?

True but the fact that some people don't obey the law isn't necessarily a reason not to have the law. Kids use fake ID to buy alcohol or other age restricted activities. Doesn't mean we should just abandon ages limits.

More importantly it gives parents a solid back up for enforcement.

I'm glad to see gaming included. My DSs were never much interested in social media but chatting with randoms in online gaming was always a battle.

I did feel for the 12 year old girl. I hope her parents step up to fill the time

There are things to do, some that have enough takers ongoing to never have to advertise. In my medium sized village in central south we have youth football, rugby, both sexes, tennis, swimming, trampolining, tae kwondo, fitness, youth gym, Am dram, dance, yoga, youth club, angling - and that’s just off the top of my head. Become a real part of your community and discover just what’s out there. Or maybe start something up yourself.

except for many adults it's a tool, it's not all social media (I realise the irony of posting on MN right now)

Adults look at their phone to check work, book tickets, check train timetables, check and organise their child's school and clubs etc..

Someone looking at their phone is not necessarily sad and bored?

I feel really sorry for these kids. It's not their fault they were born at a time of phones, screens, social media etc. They are the collateral damage and have to grow up with this all around them. Once they are older and can reflect I bet they will wish they group up in an era that didn't have these screens.

Trying to keep a lid on the amount of screen time my kids have is my number one parenting battle currently with an 9 and 13 year old. I look back at the toddler days and think how easy it was! Trying to negotiate with them on phones, social media, PlayStaion, Youtube, TV etc etc etc is EXHAUSTING! Anything like this is step in the right direction and validates all those trying desperately to hold the line on social media.

My daughter also has a Kindle which basically means that if she’s bored then there’s always something she can do. She can read.

I know teens (not mine) who would say the same as that girl. They are very much part of the “iPad kid” generation and it is quite daunting to see how far ranging the impact of it is. No interests, inarticulate, prone to anxiety.

You've sort of answered your own question, though. Hobbies, like your DDs have. I really don't understand the statement that young people have nothing to do, there are loads of options.

It's very difficult, undoubtedly there are people wasting time on phones, but also there are so many tasks to cram in around work - people can be using their phone for genuinely urgent things whilst also travelling or doing other activities.

Ultimately the number of hours worked, the increased complexity of completing tasks - I would be wary of judging why someone was on their phone unless I could see. Ten years ago I phoned the GP, asked for an appointment, end of chat. Now I have to complete a detailed online form. The amount of admin increases all the time!

One thing this ban will hopefully do is slightly shift culture around the need to be always connected, which is a burden across the board, for every age group.

Im just being realistic tbh.

Though I am genuinely happy for those on here that live in areas where are seem to be lots of clubs and activities, and/or they had the time available and the skills themselves to teach knitting, sewing etc.

As a side the one activity that wasn't Nepotastic or only open to the favourites at the school that one of my DC really loved and threw himself into ended up being the main reason he is now a nervous wreck with zero confidence.