Lending money to family

If you can afford to lose it then yes, but as a one off. It sounds like you’d just be kicking the eviction can down the road a bit.

If she wanted to borrow money from a bank, they would expect evidence that she could afford to repay it, so they would ask questions about her finances, her income and her rent/bills amount.

They'd also look at her credit report to see who else she owed money to and her history of managing all her current/credit accounts. Your friend is right that it is reasonable that you are aware of the state of her finances before lending her this money.

She says she would pay the money back at £200 pm, but the fact that she's in rent arrears suggests that she won't do this either because she can't afford to, or she persistently fails to manage her money responsibly, ie because she spends her money on other things in favour of one of her highest priority outgoings.

Why doesn't she get financial help from her children's dad? Has she put in a claim for maintenance to CMS?

If she wants your help, she needs to stop being 'vague'. If her salary is too low for her to afford to pay the rent on her current home, you are only postponing the inevitable by giving her money to pay off the arrears. If her salary is sufficient for the amount of rent she needs to pay, why has she gone into arrears?

Doesn't she have other closer family, such as parents or siblings, who can help her pay off her arrears?

Exactly what I would do.

As others have said, you giving her this money might just be "kicking the can down the road" so it would be a complete waste.

WHY is she in arrears? Can she really afford to live there?

Unless you get answers to these questions I'd be a No, Sorry.

Even if she believes she intends to pay you back, it is quite obvious that she can't. She hasnt been able to pay regular rent (hence the arrears) so there isn't a hope in hell that she'll suddenly find herself able to pay regular rent AND repay the loan for arrears. So it would have to be a gift.

But also you need to consider that she has got into this mess already and so it's likely to happen again. She just can't afford the rent so staying there is untenable, unless you are willing to keep gifting her money every time her arrears build up again. Are you willing to accept that? Because otherwise the risk of eviction will keep cropping up repeatedly.

Can she move to a cheaper property? That seems the only realistic solution unless there is a way she can imminently increase her income.

You need to know her outgoings for the past few months to try to work out what the bigger issue is. Then you can make a sensible decision about whether to contribute. If you do, I'd insist on paying directly to the LL since the most important thing is staving off her eviction.
I agree with PPs that repayment is definitely not guaranteed so choose your amount based on that and be sure to let her know that this is a one-time event.

My dbro asked to borrow £500 for rent. I've given it to him but I don't expect to see it again however I made it clear that I will not do it again. I'm not a piggy bank.

No l wouldn't because everything she buys that is tat, unnecessary and a waste of your money would really piss me off . If she drinks or vapes and wastes money on takeaways or eating out then that would piss me off too. If she gambles, bought food without caring for the price of it then that would piss me off too . If she was trying her best to get by then l would help. Trouble is she's just putting off the inevitable , she can't afford to live there and needs to move to somewhere she can afford .

Op, the fact that your opening posts says YANBU means No, suggests to me that you are not comfortable with your cousin asking this pretty big favour.

And that is absolutely fine, and how I would feel in your shoes.

You know you are unlikely to be repaid; there’s a chance that the very act of being her benefactor will drive a wedge into your relationship; you have no confidence that this will actually change her behaviour one jot; she will quite likely come back for more.

Personally, I would, as pp suggested, go with her to a debt advisor and work out a plan. If after that, you felt you want to offer a smaller gift as financial triage, then at least you both know where you stand.

If you can afford it (as you suggest you can), gift it.
It sounds like you don’t know what led to this arrears, so don’t make assumptions. It could have been anything, eg major car repair or just current cost of living. Maybe find out a bit more. It would be lovely to think of this single-mum having family there to support her (my mum had no one).

Agree with PPs saying that this might solve the current issue but what about in future?

She either does not have enough income to pay her basic expenses or she's spending on things less important than her rent.

If it's the former, she's still going to struggle unless she either increases her income, eg by getting child support and/or benefits, or earning more. Has she exhausted all these? Or she needs to reduce her expenses so her budget balances - can she move somewhere cheaper? What about things like food, broadband, subscriptions, phones etc? Could she spend less so she can afford her rent?

Or if she's spending on non essentials, she needs to manage her money more responsibly and pay for essentials, repay you, and put money aside for annual and irregular expenses before she spends on things she could do without.

Perhaps offer to go through her budget with her or point her towards help before you lend her this money?

If I could afford it, I would gift it and make clear it is a one-off (and stick to it).

Otherwise, I would simply say I was unable to and not give a reason (as it is none of her business). I have seen too many relationships ruined by lending money that is never paid back.

Whenever I’ve given money to a close friend I always say “pay me back when you are in a position to do so” and I never mention it again.

As you might guess, the outcome varies immensely however I think it works for both parties. The recipient retains a sense of pride as they consider it a loan rather than a hand out and as I never mention ruin it again, it rarely impacts our friendship.

It also has the added benefit of restricting requests to times of genuine need as perpetual gift giving can sometimes be difficult to stop and can make things very awkward for the donor.

You will not see that money again. So either offer it as a gift or do not offer it.

Having been in a similar situation, I would insist on total openess from her re her financial situation. Incomings and outgoings. If you were in her shoes could you repay? Perhaps she is spending £100 a month on cappucinos and croissants on the way to work? £100 a month on entertainment? Perhaps she just cannot afford this property on her income. You might be able to help her with this - or signpost her to a debt management service. There may be benefits she can access. Or they may be able to help her pput more pressure on the childrens father to support his children.

If she is not open about her finances then I would be wary. I had a relative who consistently cadged money from family and friends despite having an income they could live on relatively easily.

Eviction proceedings are likely to take time now the Renters Reform Act is in place. Does she live in an area where she might be able to access social housing? Or would she be in temporary accommodation?

No I wouldn't. However I would offer to hold her hand if she speaks to a debt advisor at Citizens Advice.

I would give a close family member the money in this situation. A loan repayment of 200 monthly is too high. She’s in a desperate position when the cost of living is so high.
How much is her rent monthly? Are the arrears made up of shortfalls over the year? If I had it to spare I’d give her the arm up.
I am not suggesting that you do it. I would in this situation, homeless accommodation is traumatic for children.

Tbh, I wouldn’t. Even if I could afford it.
As said above, why wasn’t this £200 paid to the landlord every month if that’s what she can afford?
Also, what happens next time after you’ve given her that money when she then gets into debt again, she’ll probably think you’ll bail her out again.
You give people an inch and they take a mile unfortunately. I also wouldn’t make it known I could afford to ‘gift’ this to her either imo.
if she gets evicted with children I’m sure the council will step in and help, so I wouldn’t worry to much. She needs to seek financial help with a debt company x

No I wouldn't lend it to her. Do it once and she'll keep coming back.

If this LL has had issues getting the rent then there's a good chance they'll evict anyway, to prevent future problems. If you're willing to provide the money (and potentially lose it) then I'd try and find out if you can pay direct to the LL and whether they'll halt the eviction process. If they're going to proceed regardless then I wouldn't 'lend' the money.

The question I would want to answer is will it actually help? If she can’t afford the rent is she going to be in the same position again in a couple of months? She may need to look for cheaper, alternative housing. She should seek advice. She may be entitled to emergency social housing if she is evicted. Giving her money now won’t solve the fundamental problem of affordability. If there is a one off reason why she got behind I might be inclined to consider gifting it to her but I would be clear it was a one off and never to ask again as the answer would be no. You also can’t have her think you will act as safety net going forward as an ongoing commitment.

No. She’s dishonest to claim she’ll pay you back when she can’t even pay her own landlord.

I had a very close family member who was going to lose their house and who asked me if I could lend them quite a lot of money. I had had an inheritance fairly recently and could afford to lend it out of savings, however I was definitely going to need it back. I did lend it to her, but in return she gave me a valuable piece of jewellery that was worth the cost of the loan. It was a family piece and she didn't want to have to sell it. She knew that if she did not repay me I would sell it if I needed the money.

Is there any way that your cousin could do the same for you? Not with jewellery necessarily - but does she have anything of value she would be able to give you in exchange, on the understanding that if she doesn't pay you back she won't get it back?

I do think it's unlikely you will get your money back - if she hasn't been able to pay her rent so far how is she going to be able to pay it PLUS £200 per month to you?