AIBU to expect DH home before midnight

I know it’s super easy to see this when you aren’t in the middle of it, but you’re worried about the wrong thing here. He should not have to come home to be your only moment to socialise with another adult. He also shouldn’t be leaving you for hours and hours every single week while you have two tiny children. There is literally no excuse for why he can’t look after his own children for a few hours. You do it every day and he presumably is a fully grown up adult. That’s totally ridiculous.

you need to leave the kids with him (unless EBF and then it’s trickier) and go find your own life. Join a club or a choir or gym class or anything really. Go read a book in a cafe for an afternoon. You’re going to burn out otherwise.

I hope you all get plenty of sleep tonight.

Yea I think the midnight thing is a bit unreasonable, however, if it’s once a week, I think it’s actually unreasonable of him to do every week letting you parent a whole sat/sun by yourself every time!

family time matters and you should be able to relax some time too

I don’t think it is anti women as such. The problem OP has is that she never has a minute to herself or any other adult company. She also has no intention of fixing it any time soon as she keeps saying ‘when the kids are older’. Good relationships don’t rely on both partners staying at home permanently. They should both have equal time off and time together to be a couple and not mum and dad.

I wasn't talking about HIM. I was saying that she also has the choice to go out with friends if she chose to. And if she did it wouldn't mean she didn't care about her kids

And where does 2 in the morning come into it?

You’re not his mum! 10pm is pushing it and I like an early night.

You needs friends to be out late with OP, then you won’t feel so miserable about it.

Needy? To want adult company and some support after coping with young kids alone for hours? Hardly.

Her husband is such a shite parent he cant even manage the youngest alone. Yet she's needy.

Sick to death of these stupid anti women posts on what is supposed to primarily be a support forum

This.

1. He needs to look after his own two kids at the same time: why is it too much for him, their his children? You do it all day, everyday, other dads do it?

2. it’s unreasonable to be waking up a co-sleeping baby after midnight, if he does come in later, then he needs to sleep on sofa/spare room. It’s not fair on you otherwise

3. you can’t give an adult a curfew. But depending on the person, when you have a little baby at home, you’d think a considerate partner and dad wouldn’t take the piss every week

There's having a social life and there's leaving your 3 month postpartum wife to look after your 2 kids while you piss off out with your mates, coming back at 2 in the morning and calling it a 'social life'. Which is not only inconsiderate of your children's needs, but your partner's, too.

It's giving victim blaming. Are you her husband?

Haha ha haaaaaa. Come back to us when your DC are 16.

If your DH can’t look after his own two children on his own for any length of time, you have waaay bigger problems than him going out with friends op.

What parenting does he do? Is he drinking when out to midnight?

Do you go to baby groups?

Will you be working once baby is older?

So why can't she talk to other adults? Not just her husband.

8 hours??

Of course he thinks that only seeing his friends for 3/4 hours is pointless, and would have still been seeing them for 8 hours even if he came home earlier, but that wasn't enough.

But OP, the one who birthed his second baby 3 months ago should be happy going almost 48 hours without some adult conversation and can just make it up by adding 5 minutes on the rest of the evenings, what a ridiculous comment.

So if you have a social life then you aren't considerate of your children's needs. Hmm

She's only the default parent because she allows it. And most probably wants it.

She chooses not to because she is considerate of her children and her partners feelings and needs. She is the default parent and he is taking advantage of that, because she can do nothing about it.

A lot of people would.

She chooses not to. And I wouldn't call her a bad mum for it

Right, and does she go out once a week getting pissed up stumbling home at whatever time she feels like? No, cos she would get called a bad mum. Yet, noone seems to think hes a bad father or partner?

Of course she could talk to him 35 mins a night on the other 6 days he isn't amount and it's equal amount of time

This. Also the amount of comments thinking that her chatting to her DH for 30 mins is weird, and means she is sad and lonely? I'm sorry, what?

I used to chat to my ex for hours at night after the kids went to sleep. Talking is part of having a relationship. She's not weird and sad for wanting to talk to her own husband for 30 damn minutes while he'd rather be off out with his mates every week.

He does this once a week??? Fuck that, he does know that he has kids, right?

Tell him to stay home and be a parent like you have to.

You need to find something to do.

It's very unreasonable to be miffed because your partner is having a life, when you just don't want to go out - so if you don't do it, no one else can. You don't have to go out if you are tired, but there are hours at the weekend, or early evenings.

I try to imagine my face if my husband was telling me to be home before midnight 😂. That would not go well.

My year 6 kid has a leaver "disco" planned, and that won't even finish until 10:30 earliest

It's terrible for your relationship if you rely exclusively on your partner for your entertainment and socialising.

Yes it does, but he couldn't even manage their trial run to look after both at the same time, and presumably that wasn't because he couldn't breastfeed the baby.

You are not unreasonable at all he sounds like he is still wanting to have his single lifestyle but he now is a father and has parenting responsibilities. And yes if you've had them all day of course you want to speak to your husband at some point. Having young children is relentless and you definitely need a break.