AIBU to expect DH home before midnight

She just wanted him to come home at a reasonable time.
It doesn't in any way sound like she has unreasonable or unrealistic expectations of him at all.
She doesn't expect him to be home all the time, she's not asking for him to do an equal share with the kid, she's not trying to talk to him 24/7, and from the little that she said I highly doubt he's much of an emotional support either.

It's pretty awful that you're trying to suggest she's asking too much of this man, she's really not, she's not asking for enough from him.

He can just about give her enough time to shower and exercise before he gets stressed the poor mite.

well until he can care for his own baby for a couple of hours it’s not unreasonable at all, since she’s pretty tied to the baby they had together. It would be different if he were an active parent and she had a chance to consider going out and meeting people.

My 16 year old came home at midnight. He was at a party after the school. A lot of his friends stayed even later. They have all just finished GCSES. I don’t think that is particularly late. I will probably say 11pm for this summer holidays.

Not attacking merely asking. And it is a bit unreasonable to expect one person to provide everything for you
.id feel extremely pressured if someone expected me to financially support them, take equal share of kid and be their whole social / emotional support network.

Oh well It's not the kind of thing I ever actually did as was at work by the time my first 2 were 3 to 4 months old respectively.
But used to see lots of the " mummy crew" hanging about in the church cafe after coming out of toddler groups etc

They all seemed to be friendly enough.

Oh dear, it’s too stressful for him 🎻

Unfortunately he’s decided to have two children and he now needs to parent two children. It’s not really something he gets to opt out of because it’s ‘too stressful’.

Yes, two young children can be stressful, it’s stressful for mums too which is why they need a break.

Most events don't finish till that time. Make sure they have a safe way of getting home/staying with a friend. 11pm at the weekend is not that late.

I don’t think you are unreasonable OP. Why can’t he look after his own children so you can go out and have a break? Why have a second if he finds the first such hard work?

He’s got a lovely life, going out weekly with no expectations of ever doing the heavy lifting of looking after his own children while his wife is stuck at home.

Wow are we attacking a mum of 2 young dc for not having enough friends now?

because not every one finds it easy to make mommy friends!! I did NCT so had a built in friendship group for the first year or so, but general play groups can be hard to make friends at, those structures activity ones near impossible to make friends at, eldest isn't at nursery or school yet

is it too much because 3 months old needs breastfeeding lots or because his penis incapacitates him from doing what you do for hours on end every single day? does he have a disability that means it's particularly difficult? it's not meant to be easy, but it is his kids and his job to care for them!

surely of you're cosleepingvyoure in bed long before midnight so any time is a disruption? od be more concerned with how drunk he is if you cosleep. if he's drinking, he needs to sleep on the sofa

She said the few friends she tried making weren't very reliable at meeting up, not sure if she want to 'mummy' groups but her baby wasn't that old when she got pregnant again and perhaps she was exhausted.

Either way, it's not uncommon for new mothers to be isolated, and some will isolate themselves by choice because they prefer the family bubble, she's not trying to talk to him 24/7 and it's perfectly reasonable to want to chat to your husband every night.

8 hours with friends is excessive, 2 or at the most 3 hours should be enough- why is he so much keener to see friends than his wife and family?

I see you didn’t read the thread. Her husband is stopping her.

That's the thing She has 2 children. If she's not working how comes she doesn't have " mummy friends" from the first one

He will never learn to cope if he never has them. No one is expecting the main carer to suddenly disappear for an entire weekend, but they start by going for 1 hour or 2 and build it.

What is it to "cope with" anyway? You just get on with it. Babies don't come with a manual and women don't know more than men. They just do because they have to. So do men when the mum is unavailable.

I don’t think the return time would bother me but once a week is a lot given your situation. I think that’s a bit of a pisstake.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Going out for 8 hours once a week when you have a 3 month old is mad. Is your husband cosleeping too as that would be dangerous if he's drinking? If you're exclusively breastfeeding your husband should be stepping in and taking the kids in the short windows you're not feeding them to give you a much needed break. Really sorry you're in this position.

Her husband is by not being able to manage to cope with his own little children.

It's not chatting and time together that is weird, it's refusing to have ONE evening a week off!

If she is that desperate and only has her partner, then yes she's lonely and should start building friendships. It's not healthy to expect your husband (or wife) to be your only source of entertainment and your only social life.

Reverse it, a husband forbidding his wife to go out once a week because he needs to chat at bedtime.

I think you are living in a little bubble.

She has 2 tiny children. Unfortunately it's very common at this stage that new mums are quite isolated.

And even if she did have other people to have adult conversation with she may still want to have a chat with her husband every evening, that's perfectly normal.

enough with the martyr card.

A mother can take a few hours for herself without having to feel guilty. It's not being considerate to resent everyone else having a life AND trying to stop your partner to go out ONCE A WEEK!

She's could meet friends, go to the gym, doing a painting class, I don't know, whatever she feels like. No one is stopping a mother to get out of the house for a couple of hours.

I’d be fuming if DH gave me a curfew so I wouldn’t put one on him no.. unless something VERY important