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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say I cannot keep lifting my mum’s chair?

230 replies

Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:11

My mum had a fall 3 years ago and had a broken hip also diabetes and heart issues
she brought a chair to be go out however it is down to me her only child to lift the chair in and out of everywhere and I hate it. It’s so heavy I have severe shoulder pain each time it rips my clothes and gets mud all over them I feel I cannot do it anymore but if I don’t her life is even more limited than it is.

OP posts:
IMightMentionGriddlebone · 14/06/2026 16:40

Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:24

She won’t use anything but this power chair - even if we go somewhere where you can hire one
shw won’t use a walker either it’s frustrating as she just won’t try
doctor told her she should be attempting to walk but she says she cannot

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Well, she's going to have to.

I appreciate that this seems unsympathetic, but you should not be injuring yourself for her. I'm sure she's scared of walking after the fall, but the solution isn't sacrificing your health. You're risking injury and disability here.

Original poster
Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:40

Dymaxion · 14/06/2026 16:35

Can she walk around the house ? get up the stairs ? Get on and off the toilet ? Is it just outside where she uses the power chair ?

Yes she can inside the house. She has MJ issues too , to be honest she doesn’t help herself at all which is why I get so annoyed even on my birthday I felt so bad that at my birthday meal I was lifting this thing in and out of the car my clothes all ruined and just completely knackered from it. She has grown men saying it’s too heavy for them yet I am expected to.
she won’t accept an assessment as she won’t work with adult social care
she asks me to do everything then blames me when I can’t keep on top of it all!

OP posts:
smilesy · 14/06/2026 16:37

WilfredsPies · 14/06/2026 16:25

Is it T2 diabetes? If so, would there be some weight issues that would prevent her from using a lighter weight chair? Or the lightest weight mobility scooter?

You can get ramps to wheel the chair up into the boot. You can also get hoists like this one for scooters https://www.mobilityinmotion.com/car-hoists-for-wheelchairs-and-mobility-scooters/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid-search&utm_campaign=H_-Loading&_Stowage&utm_adgroup=Boot_Hoists&utm_content=&utm_term=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid-search&utm_campaign=h_boothoists&utm_adgroup=boothoists&utm_term=&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23741913068&gbraid=0AAAAApYSkljgw-FgdTYNJ9ve_4P4xarIY&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIscaA-YSHlQMVS5tQBh1VrixsEAAYASAAEgJxw_D_BwE

This. You need to get an adapted vehicle with either a hoist or ramp / platform lift entry. It isn’t cheap, but this is the sort of thing that Motobility will help with. Or get it done privately. You should absolutely not be lifting a powered chair

Eideann · 14/06/2026 16:37

Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:25

But the light weight ones you have to push don’t you? She is very overweight as am I and I just couldn’t do that

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You can get lightweight powerchairs @Elphabayo

This one , the Quickie q50r is 14.5kg and has a weight capacity of 136kg (21.5 stone), could that be suitable?

Twinklewonderkins · 14/06/2026 16:36

If it’s a powered chair yes they are very heavy.
its the battery and motor so you can’t get a lightweight one.
Ideally it would be kept indoors with a ramp to get out, but this isn’t always possible.
is she asking you to lift it in/out of the house and into the car?
She can pay for a wheelchair accessible taxi, but ofc she won’t want to.
You are of course not being unreasonable not to want to injure yourself.
Refer her to OT at adult social care wherever you live but where I work provision is limited to people who cannot walk at all, so there may not be anything offered.
There are countless threads on here where relatives are making unreasonable care demands and I really feel for you.

x2boys · 14/06/2026 16:36

RandomMess · 14/06/2026 16:32

Sounds like your Mum needs to get and fund a disability car that has a ramp etc. This is what mobility allowance is meant to fund.

She would need to be on the highest mobilty rate of PIP to qualify for a mobility car.

IMightMentionGriddlebone · 14/06/2026 16:35

You need to go to the GP and ask for an OT assessment, and explain that the equipment she's bought is so inappropriate it's causing injury to you.

While you wait for the referral to go through (there may be a long wait), you need to tell your mother that her equipment is injuring you and you will not be using it. This will be hard, but who is going to care for her or for you if you injure your shoulder? If you rip your rotator cuff, it's unlikely to recover without surgery.

Dymaxion · 14/06/2026 16:35

Can she walk around the house ? get up the stairs ? Get on and off the toilet ? Is it just outside where she uses the power chair ?

BeneficialOrange · 14/06/2026 16:35

Why won't she try walking? I'd be unsympathetic to be honest. My grandad broke his hip into 5 pieces at 85 and can still walk well, despite his refusal to do physio. He was walking to his local shop from the day he was discharged.

My mum was walking on a leg her consultant had advised amputating 3 years before until the day she died. It hurt, but it worked better for her than one leg...

Walking really is use it or lose it.

Lomonald · 14/06/2026 16:33

Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:26

The scooter was even heavier to lift

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Tbf they are heavy and the lightweight ones are sometimes not as stable, i sold my scooter now i hire one if need be.

RandomMess · 14/06/2026 16:32

Sounds like your Mum needs to get and fund a disability car that has a ramp etc. This is what mobility allowance is meant to fund.

Lomonald · 14/06/2026 16:32

Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:27

Yes multiple times a day

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Where is she going that it is in and out of the car ?

Lomonald · 14/06/2026 16:31

Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:24

She won’t use anything but this power chair - even if we go somewhere where you can hire one
shw won’t use a walker either it’s frustrating as she just won’t try
doctor told her she should be attempting to walk but she says she cannot

Show quote history

Get a ramp you can but portable ones you can also refuse to lift it does she Have it in the house, Where did she get it if Gp want her mobile .

WilfredsPies · 14/06/2026 16:28

So you present it to her as a choice; she either pays for a hoist or she accepts that she’s now housebound as you physically cannot lift it anymore.

Original poster
Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:27

PonyPatter44 · 14/06/2026 16:24

You're not unreasonable in the least. I would look at getting a lighter one, if at all possible. Are you being expected to lift it in and out of your car all the time as well?

Yes multiple times a day

OP posts:
Original poster
Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:26

coronafiona · 14/06/2026 16:17

Get a scooter? Presume you are taking about a wheelchair.

The scooter was even heavier to lift

OP posts:
Original poster
Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:25

Sirzy · 14/06/2026 16:18

I would look at getting her to change to a lightweight one.

But the light weight ones you have to push don’t you? She is very overweight as am I and I just couldn’t do that

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 14/06/2026 16:24

You're not unreasonable in the least. I would look at getting a lighter one, if at all possible. Are you being expected to lift it in and out of your car all the time as well?

Original poster
Elphabayo · 14/06/2026 16:24

Brideofclover · 14/06/2026 16:16

Does she have an occupational therapist or someone you can talk to about something easier?
Sadly you’re going to get to a point where you won’t be physically able to do it whether you want to or not as you’re heading for an injury.
where did she get the original chair from?
would she get on with one of the walkers that has a seat built into it???

She won’t use anything but this power chair - even if we go somewhere where you can hire one
shw won’t use a walker either it’s frustrating as she just won’t try
doctor told her she should be attempting to walk but she says she cannot

OP posts:
CornishPorsche · 14/06/2026 16:23

What sort of chair does she have? Might be time for an upgrade! Or change to a lightweight mobility scooter and have outdoor storage.

x2boys · 14/06/2026 16:20

What exatcly do you mean?
If its a a wheelchair as a pp said you can get light weight ones , you can also get portable ramps to make getting in and out of doorways easier
Can she use a mobility scooter?

Lomonald · 14/06/2026 16:20

A wheelchair? If you are finding it to heavy that you can't bump it down or up to the extent it is ripping your clothes and it is too heavy then it isn't the right wheelchair, I am an occasional outside wheelchair user mine folds up and the handles go down so I can lift it, im under 5ft and have a disability.

limetrees32 · 14/06/2026 16:19

Is it a wheelchair that the user is supposed to propel themselves?
They are very heavy.
There are lightweight ones that you might find easier

Sirzy · 14/06/2026 16:18

I would look at getting her to change to a lightweight one.

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