AIBU to say I cannot keep lifting my mum’s chair?

Not being funny but could you put her on a diet if she’s that big ? It would genuinely help you with the loading and unloading her

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but a relative of mine became very overweight following an accident that immobilised her at a critical point in her ageing life. She basically stopped moving and going anywhere for years. A few years ago she got a kind of frame that’s like a zimmer frame but you can also sit down on it for a rest. She gained loads of mobility from using it because she could literally stop and sit down whenever she needed to, and obviously it has wheels so it was quite
motivating for her to be able to get around and seeing the improvement to her health.

I would be honest with her and say you simply can’t keep doing this or you are going to end up disabled yourself. Her doctor has recommended that she rehabilitate herself and it’s not on you to be doing this (it’s not actually helping or doing her health any favours).

I can write in English and use punctuation. Any chance you could be less rude and only comment if you have something useful to contribute?

The post was very clear. Your comment is completely unnecessary.

You are going to have to get tough. Tell her you can't manage the chair any longer and she needs an occupational health assessment. Is this an abusive relationship?

If her life is more limited, that's on her. You've suggested other options and she is refusing as well as disregarding the doctors advice to walk. The less she walks the worse her mobility will get. Maybe you refusing to do it anymore will push her to try the other options.

If you have difficulty with reading comprehension, perhaps this isn't the thread for you. Most local libraries have adult literacy classes, that might be worth trying for you.

You can get a battery pack for lightweight chairs, to assist you pushing them. Not cheap. Can she be referred to your local wheelchair services (nhs) they can usually advise. If not, just stop pushing her around if you can't do it without injuring yourself. She'll either have to pay for someone or accept that your health is also important if she wants you to continue to look after her. Harsh as it sounds, if you injure your shoulder then that's it - you won't be able to push her either way!

It sounds very difficult for you. I'm afraid I can only repeat what others have said, which is that you need to assert your own boundaries. You can't go on hurting yourself like this just to keep your mother sweet. It's not working, is it?

Listen, I've been housebound and dependent myself, and I know how shit it is. Your DM needs to figure out solutions that don't involve permanently wrecking the health of her carer. Left to her own devices for a bit, she'll find the motivation to make changes. The alternative is that one day you'll find you're both fucked.

Oh, I feel really sad for you. But like others have said, please stop putting yourself at risk. Lifting a wheelchair that’s too heavy will cause long‑term injuries if you keep doing it. If your mum is refusing an OT assessment from Adult Social Care, then you really do need to step back. She can get a free assessment and free equipment through ASC, but she’s choosing not to. It shouldn’t fall on you to injure yourself because she won’t accept help.

If you carry on, then that is YOUR choice to injure yourself.

I have a folding scooter and that was really heavy, so I bought a scooter lifter to go with it. It probably would work for power chairs as well.
https://etechmobility.co.uk/products/portable-car-boot-hoist-by-etech-mobility?variant=56767373869405&country=GB&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&tw_source=google&tw_adid=771493096734&tw_campaign=22843769741&tw_kwdid=pla-2439987504958&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22843769741&gbraid=0AAAAAqW7e4jumv6bh-beXecvVdiRXIQkX&gclid=Cj0KCQjwornRBhCrARIsAON5exHD6VXHFeL2e8jv3aL6lpUtl-rlNHAkaH_VQgdhrrAknmPnnmbNkf8aArgyEALw_wcB

My DM had a broken hip, and it was essential to get mobile again in order to recover well. The hospital started this off and it was carried on afterwards as she recovered. Does your DM really need a wheelchair or similar? It would prpbably be much better for her to get back to normal as much as possible. Does she have an exercise prpgramme from physio or similar? Could depression be making her unwilling to try? A broken hip is an awful injury, and can make the person feel hopeless. I hope she can be encouraged to recover as much as possible.🌺

You need to start saying no.

Just tell her youve pulled your back and doctor has said no heavy lifting, and do not do this going forward . You have to be firm. She’s going to have you permanently injured at this rate where u won’t be able to help at all.

Why can’t u say no to her

Then stop. Refuse. She's not in charge of you, and in any case you'll have to say no soon enough once your shoulder is fucked.

this absolutely

in that case, sorry but you have to tell her you can't do it. I am a retired Occupational Therapist and part of any wheelchair assessment that I did, where someone else would need to lift, manoevre or push the chair was to also assess the carer. I once had to refuse a lady an attendant propelled chair because the plan was that her heavily pregnant daughter would push it - and we live in a hilly area! We compromised that I would assess for the chair once the baby was delivered and so long as the daughter felt able to do it. I wasn't popular but didn't expect to be.

I have a lightweight carbon fibre powerchair that has been amazing and has saved my sanity. I have back problems that mean I can walk but not very far and I can’t stand in a queue. I have no problems lifting it in and out of the car and the battery pops off for charging. Mine is the Zoro carbon fibre powerchair from Careco. It’s expensive but worth every penny in my opinion.

https://www.careco.co.uk/iconnect-zora-bundle/?productfeed=GSH&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20889146384&gbraid=0AAAAADvLZE3abVJE9_BLmUmNkGlrf0Juu&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI77Cw5aKHlQMV8KNQBh0YXDUwEAQYASABEgJ0IfD_BwE

Your mother is horribly selfish. I am shocked that she would put her own daughter at risk of a serious injury. Tell her you can no longer lift it. End of.
She needs to involve adult social care and you need to walk away.

Can you seek your own GP for support about your shoulder?
1, for help for you. 2, they will likely tell you to stop lifting it - you can then tell her you have been instructed to not do it.

Also, can you ask for a carers assessment? You can request for this to be in person, and possibly at your mother's house (do you live together already?).

Does she get PIP at all?

Your problem isn't really the chair but your emeshed relationship with your mother where you are too frightened of her to say no.
To those of us outside this situation, it is so clearly a case of just saying no, point out her other options and then declining to discuss further.

She has presumably made you feel so worthless that your have to do her bidding whatever the cost to yourself. Perhaps some counselling might be helpful in building your self esteem and finding your own voice and recognising your have legitimate needs not to be in pain or injure yourself.

Does your area have accessible buses or a shuttle for people with disabilities? She needs to use that for anything too far to walk/roll and can also use it to get to the train if she can’t afford an accessible vehicle. Lifting a power chair or scooter is not a reasonable ask

she won’t accept an assessment as she won’t work with adult social care
she asks me to do everything then blames me when I can’t keep on top of it all!

Then she suffers the consequences of her choices. She stays housebound while you go out. It's time to say no OP even though it's hard to do so. Do not ruin your own health for someone who doesn't care enough, even your mother.

PLEASE stop injuring yourself. Also don’t rush around trying to find solutions. She sounds more than capable of contacting doctors, therapists etc herself. Not your business. Just keep saying you can’t do that any more and maybe her doctor is a good place to start. Then go out, or contact your own GP or a physio about healing your shoulder and back.