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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Uninviting a child who actively hurts your own badly.

58 replies

usernamecopied · 14/06/2026 11:54

Hey, I’m in a WhatsApp group with 2 other mums. BBs mum sent out invites in Feb for his birthday over the last 2 months, one of the children she originally invited has been seriously biting and hurting her child, black eyes the lot! This child has also done the same to mine since this school year started and he’s known for doing it to others. He’s been accessed a number of times and has no special educational needs.

It does make me wonder what he sees at home. I have seen mum hiding black eyes behind make up, not sure if from child or someone else. However BBs mum has asked in the group would it be acceptable if she uninvited this child as her own son is now exceptionally nervous about him being there and doesn’t want to go to his own birthday party, as he doesn’t want to be hurt again and she’s also sick to the back teeth of it herself. I straight away said yes, of course it’s not about being horrible it’s about protecting your son, just word it as nicely as possible, you can’t have your own child getting upset like he has been and crying not wanting to go to his own birthday party, he should be looking forward to it. Our other friend in the group said you can’t uninvite children at all and that we are both out of order.

It is worth noting it’s every time this child gets near BBs he will hurt him doesn’t matter about adults being present, he does the same to mine, they’re both just soft and easy targets. My own child has rare bleeding disorder and these continuous attacks have even put my child in hospital, BB has also been in hospital to. Children are aged 5/6.

I feel for the mother of the child hurting others I do, you can tell she’s exhausted, however we know from her telling us herself she basically just gives him whatever he wants when he wants and ignores the schools advice on boundaries constantly, I must admit I do have concerns there is more going on at home but to me it is purely about protecting our own children as they come first.

So am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 14/06/2026 12:09

Why was the child invited in the first place?

usernamecopied · 14/06/2026 12:08

angelikacpickles · 14/06/2026 11:58

A 5 year old is giving other children black eyes and putting them in hospital?

he’s was 4 when he first another child a black eye. Apparently age doesn’t matter. He can scarily throw a punch exceptionally well, he’ll push/drag children off of high/raised climbing equipment etc quite frankly I’m surprised there hasn’t been broken bones.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 14/06/2026 12:06

This child should definitely not be at the party and, given your child’s bleeding disorder, I think you should be having urgent conversations with the school about their duty of care towards him particularly if this child has already put him
in hospital!

usernamecopied · 14/06/2026 12:05

raisinglittlepeople12 · 14/06/2026 11:58

If you think there is a dv issue then you have a responsibility to report it to either the school or social services imo.

We all have already and been met with, “without proof nothing can be done”. I believe social services have been round and found nothing. My gut is telling me they’ve definitely missed something but all we can do is keep and eye out and keep reporting what we see. It’s tough, they’re quite a well polished, well spoken, highly educated family with enough money to sink a battleship, unfortunately I think because it goes against “what you expect” it’s not being taken seriously enough.

OP posts:
TopsieGreenwood · 14/06/2026 12:01

It would be unreasonable to have a child who was injuring people at a birthday party

angelikacpickles · 14/06/2026 11:58

A 5 year old is giving other children black eyes and putting them in hospital?

raisinglittlepeople12 · 14/06/2026 11:58

If you think there is a dv issue then you have a responsibility to report it to either the school or social services imo.

Mistymaglets · 14/06/2026 11:57

Your own child's safety comes before another family's feelings.