All 4 of us to attend bday party?

I think some of you attend and throw very different parties than what I’m used to.

I always find families who send both parents to a party utterly bizarre. It’s like a weird co dependence thing. Just have one of you use the time for some 121 time with the baby.

I commend your friendly and positive attitude to getting to know people. My own husband would rather have poked his eye out than go to a kid's birthday party.
It's not family outing though...no one really wants to hang around in someone else's cramped house for two hours. We do it under duress.
There will be other opportunities to get to know other parents.

At that age I don’t think it’s unreasonable, if they were older say 6/7 then yes I would say you wouldn’t need to but that age I think is fine

Definitely not. It’s not a public outing, it’s someone’s house.

At nursery these parties can often be a bit more social and two parents do go. Just find a casual way of asking this of the host who is best placed to answer. “Thanks for the invite, sounds great. Don’t know how limited you are on space once all the kids are there, so shall we plan for just one of us to bring our dd?” And see whether the host replies with a more open invite.

Ha, yes. We're probably just used to everywhere being crowded. A couple more people aren't going to make a difference.

I don't know anyone who would say "Oh no, my child's birthday had TOO MANY attendees."

But I guess this is MN where on one hand nobody answers their front door, parties are a joyless chore and everyone is convinced the 'clique' of school gate mums hate them.

I've had full families attend at that age and enjoyed it. But I've already known at least one of the parents well and did parties that could spill into the garden. Not sure how I'd feel if I didn't know them but probably would just be happy to be friends with more families.

I would have found it really odd and rude and would have expected 1 parent (and the other stay home with the baby). I would have understood if 1 parent showed up with preschooler and baby apologising that the other parent was at work, so no one to look after baby, but for 2 adults and a baby to rock up 🤯.

It’s ironic that this is more common in the homes of Londoners which are more likely to me be smaller than the rest of the country! The idea of the unfriendly big meanie Londoner doesn’t stack up does it 😂

Socialising at baby and toddler parties is definitely what cemented our friendship group in the early years and a few years later everyone could rely on other people in the group to drop calpol over when the shop shut, collect child from a club or something.

Lol, some of the reactions are a bit dramatic. I think op gets the general eticate, but not everyone hates kids parties. 🤣

I wouldn’t have minded in the least if a whole family came to one of my children’s parties. I love meeting people and it was nice to have more adults there to help out. I think this thread shows that there’s a mix of thoughts and it’s dependant on the hosts. So I agree that it’s worth asking

Also in London. Our house is big enough for both parents to come to the nursery parties we had, but I always found it odd when that happened. It isn’t a family outing, it’s an invite for the child and the parent has to go with them.

No one has said drop and go, everyone has said only one parent attends. The poster is not a single parent so no dilemma over arranging childcare, it's simply they think it's a nice family outing (which starts to go into CF territory if they continue this as the baby gets older and they think they can tag onto older siblings invites).

Offering to help out in a hall would seem polite, but at someone's house where you don't know how much room they have, so to me it is rude to assume you can bring the family for an afternoon of free entertainment!

If the invite specifically said all welcome or the parent had said oh you must bring your partner and baby then that would be fine, as it hasn't been said I would be cautious on this occasion and only send one parent.

Responses to this are so weird. I have been to probably 50 kids parties (pre-school age) in the last two years and in all of them most kids are accompanied by both parents, who then all talk to each other/have got to know each other.

It's not ludicrous at all. It's really entirely normal to want to meet other families as a family and start making friends that way. People really do overreact to the most innocuous situations.

Totally right! And for someone you dont know, ludicrous 🤣

No, that is not the done thing at all

Definitely just ask.
If part of your reason is to make friends then starting a convo on text would be great - give a back out and say you understand if it's too much then that's all good and maybe a you could meet for a separate park gathering another time

I think if at a village hall or party venue this would be absolutely fine, I’ve seen lots of kids at 2/3 year old parties with both parents and a baby in tow. As it’s at a house, I’d just message the parent to check if okay? They might have a big house/garden and be fine with it.

Another Londoner here who thinks this is perfectly fine. It was very common when my children were toddlers for the whole family to attend pre-school parties. It was a way for people to get to know each other. One of the parents we met this way is now my son's A-Level tutor. Others are now longstanding friends. It's a nice thing.

I also think it's less work, not more. You've got more parents supervising, handing round drinks, picking up rubbish.

You surely wouldn't leave a three or four year old alone at a relative stranger's party?

as it is someone’s house I would say no don’t do it. Go and find a coffee shop nearby to chill with your newborn and a coffee while DH deals with the kid madness. You’ll laugh at yourself for this in a few years.

You could both go to start with, but with a plan that if all the other kids have only one parent/ there isn't much space/ party parents look a bit overwhelmed then one of you is just the "pop in" parent who says "right I'll be off now to take baby for a walk. Nice to meet you, see you all later" or similar. If on the other hand they are very welcoming and were clearly hoping to make some parent friends then stay! When we've done parties at home we always have a good time with the parents

Parties at public venues are a different matter. If you pay for yourself then that’s up to you who goes.

We’ve attended approx 12 birthday parties since my daughter started pre school last September “, she starts reception in September. I have a baby and my husband stayed at home with the baby for her first party. I would say around 30% of parents came as a couple. Many had babies or very young children. I’m now more relaxed about attending on my own or with partner because it seems to be the done thing in DDs class.

All parties have been soft play / farm parties, except one house party but her house was an absolutely enormous Manor House. And people still came in couples / families. Many invites say siblings welcome too.

I would be cautious turning up to a house party with all of you. I would suggest going alone the first time to be honest, or maybe asking the host first