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AIBU?

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Original poster

All 4 of us to attend bday party?

212 replies

wanderingwillows · 14/06/2026 07:56

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

OP posts:
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OhBettyCalmDown · 19/06/2026 23:26

Muchtoomuchtodo · 19/06/2026 18:32

Definitely not normal here! Our houses aren’t big enough for 4 people per invitation !

Hope you’ve all have a great time @wanderingwillows and get to meet some lovely new parents

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Same here, there’s no way if I invited 8 kids we could accommodate 20-30 people in the house if they all brought additional people. Neither could most of the people I know. Our family have to visit in relays on birthdays as there’s not enough room 😂

Glad you got confirmation though OP. Hope you all have a lovely time

Muchtoomuchtodo · 19/06/2026 18:32

roshi42 · 19/06/2026 15:32

I knew it! Others on this thread are thinking of an older age group. At nursery when you just have one child (or plus babe in arms) both parents attending is normal. I’m glad you checked!

Edited
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Definitely not normal here! Our houses aren’t big enough for 4 people per invitation !

Hope you’ve all have a great time @wanderingwillows and get to meet some lovely new parents

roshi42 · 19/06/2026 15:32

wanderingwillows · 19/06/2026 15:25

Thought everyone would enjoy this development - I bumped into the mum hosting the party today… and she had assumed all 4 of us would be coming! So I now need to rearrange my plans (hastily made after the outrage on here) to come along with baby 🤣 I guess it really does just depend on the family

I knew it! Others on this thread are thinking of an older age group. At nursery when you just have one child (or plus babe in arms) both parents attending is normal. I’m glad you checked!

DappledThings · 19/06/2026 15:31

Excellent update. Sounds like you've fallen in with a nice, normal and welcoming crowd. Like a lot of us on this thread.

Original poster
wanderingwillows · 19/06/2026 15:25

Thought everyone would enjoy this development - I bumped into the mum hosting the party today… and she had assumed all 4 of us would be coming! So I now need to rearrange my plans (hastily made after the outrage on here) to come along with baby 🤣 I guess it really does just depend on the family

OP posts:
Bellaboo01 · 17/06/2026 16:33

Nope - don't all 4 of you attend.
Do something as a family before or after if that is what you want.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 17/06/2026 16:26

god i love when its not my turn to go to the party and can have an easy day with just the baby - put him in bed for 2 hours and lie on the sofa watching a film or have a nap

never thought of it as a fun family day out !

Saying that there is always full families at some of the parties we go to - no idea why but hey ho -

RampantIvy · 16/06/2026 18:34

Whosthetabbynow · 16/06/2026 17:12

When did all this parents staying at birthday parties become a thing? When I was a kid we got dropped off then picked up.

The child in question is a two year old toddler.

caringcarer · 16/06/2026 17:38

If in a person's house 1 parent is needed. 2 stay home with baby. It's not a family outing.

Honeyhonay · 16/06/2026 17:14

Whosthetabbynow · 16/06/2026 17:12

When did all this parents staying at birthday parties become a thing? When I was a kid we got dropped off then picked up.

It has always been a thing for young children. Parents don’t drop off 3 year olds at parties now and they didn’t 30 years ago either.

If you are remembering being dropped off you’re thinking of a totally different age bracket.

Whosthetabbynow · 16/06/2026 17:12

When did all this parents staying at birthday parties become a thing? When I was a kid we got dropped off then picked up.

pouletvous · 16/06/2026 17:10

Bunny65 · 15/06/2026 21:39

Just ask the parents if it’s the sort of party where both parents are attending or if they’d prefer if just one of you. Some parents don’t mind at all if they’ve got the space.

Bingo

whats wrong with everyone on this thread?

ASK them!! We’re all different

pouletvous · 16/06/2026 17:08

KilkennyCats · 16/06/2026 15:01

Wtf?

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Wtf is expecting random strangers to say it’s ok

or referring to the etiquette book of pre-schooler parties

just ask ffs. Nobody here can answer on behalf of the host

saraclara · 16/06/2026 17:00

JennyBG · 16/06/2026 16:45

Wow…just…wow! How presumptive of you.

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It's not presumptive. Presumptive would be rocking up without even considering that it might not be acceptable.

OP coming here to ask our opinions is the opposite of presumptive.

JennyBG · 16/06/2026 16:45

wanderingwillows · 14/06/2026 07:56

DD2 has just been invited to a nursery friend’s bday party next weekend. Not sure on the etiquette here - both my husband and I would like to take her (because it would be a nice family thing to do on a weekend and also to potentially make some new parent friends). We also have a newborn baby who would be with us.

My question is, would it be unreasonable for all 4 of us to rock up? Is that weird? It is at someone’s house. We don’t know them, never spoken, just have a number to RSVP to and invite came via nursery bag.

Wow…just…wow! How presumptive of you.

KilkennyCats · 16/06/2026 15:01

pouletvous · 16/06/2026 12:33

Hi there friend from nursery

lucky you found me here on Mumsnet!

Yes, your husband and newborn are welcomr, we would love to meet you all! . Thanks for checking

best wishes

party host

Wtf?

hahabahbag · 16/06/2026 12:38

So dependant on what is normal where you live. Up to 3 or so it tended to be inviting 3-4 families (plus people without kids often) to birthday parties where I lived, at 4 tended to be more kids so just one adult and 2-3 children were dropped off because their parent couldn’t stay (eg sibling with Sen) and definitely no siblings, at 5 it was drop and go.

Sartre · 16/06/2026 12:34

I’ve noticed some parents struggle to do things alone so both parents do attend things like this. Not just this but school runs too, certain parents never do the school run alone for some reason…

pouletvous · 16/06/2026 12:33

Hi there friend from nursery

lucky you found me here on Mumsnet!

Yes, your husband and newborn are welcomr, we would love to meet you all! . Thanks for checking

best wishes

party host

Chickadee001 · 16/06/2026 08:07

I live overseas and it's generally accepted that parents and other siblings will rock up at birthday parties!

KilkennyCats · 15/06/2026 23:04

Mumto2at · 15/06/2026 22:21

I'd say depends where it's at!
we've been to a couple now and all the ones at softplay families have gone together, it looked odd when there was one parent on their own, including other siblings (who don't take part and the parents buy entry for them), same with babies, we took our 1 year old and there have been others their with newborns! As long as your paying for yourselves and not interrupting the party it's fine!

It looked odd that the entire family hadn't turned out for someone else's toddler's party?! 😂

mondaytosunday · 15/06/2026 22:28

No. One parent that’s it. It’s not a family day out.

Mumto2at · 15/06/2026 22:21

I'd say depends where it's at!
we've been to a couple now and all the ones at softplay families have gone together, it looked odd when there was one parent on their own, including other siblings (who don't take part and the parents buy entry for them), same with babies, we took our 1 year old and there have been others their with newborns! As long as your paying for yourselves and not interrupting the party it's fine!

roshi42 · 15/06/2026 22:14

roshi42 · 15/06/2026 22:11

@wanderingwillowsI think some people might have missed the fact that it’s nursery age / 2! I’ve had 4 2-year-old birthday parties this year, including my own daughter’s in my very small house, and the norm for all of them has absolutely been both parents attending! It’s been as much about adult socialising with fellow nursery parents.

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Oh, and additional older siblings are a no-no, hence most people only attend with one parent as they get older - to free the other parent up to take care of the sibling. But a babe in arms doesn’t even count, totally fine, you’ll be holding them so they’re basically part of you at that age.

roshi42 · 15/06/2026 22:11

wanderingwillows · 14/06/2026 13:20

The heat in some of these replies! I’m asking the question because I genuinely don’t know the etiquette (as I wrote). DD is only 2 so we’ve not come across this before. We had a party in our home for her 2nd birthday and every child attended with both parents, but we’d assumed that would be the case and so I wanted to check whether others would make the same assumption. I’m not being entitled or a “taker” at all - if I was, I wouldn’t ask the question or worry about getting it right. Also, as for the family time thing, weekends are family time and we like to be together - that’s what I mean. We don’t usually split up and do separate things as we like to spend the time as a family. Again, I’m questioning whether that’s the right thing to do in this scenario and I gather that it isn’t. So I have my answer! Thanks for all the helpful replies, it is genuinely insightful. As for anyone enraged by a simple question, well I’m not sure what I can say to help you…!

@wanderingwillowsI think some people might have missed the fact that it’s nursery age / 2! I’ve had 4 2-year-old birthday parties this year, including my own daughter’s in my very small house, and the norm for all of them has absolutely been both parents attending! It’s been as much about adult socialising with fellow nursery parents.