To feel like the bond I had with my children has gone?

Oof, my 5YO DD does this and to be honest I do feel like it is a way of connecting with me, I usually engage with it and I ask questions back about whatever they are talking about.. like where would you put your motorbike if it came in the house? If it was thin you could store it under your bed or in the fridge! We usually chat shit in the car when we there are no distractions like phones/screens etc.

I generally find it comes to a natural end OR you can then divert to something else, like draw me a picture of your thin motorbike etc, sometime she just want to feel seen or listened to, I read about the empty cup theory and it changed how I respond, it does seem to be a 'a thing', for us at least.

Her dad mostly ignores her / doesn't engage or does a 'yeah' or 'hmmm' but it is obvious he couldn't give a toss what she is talking about, they have an extremely poor relationship right now, she gets angry at him a lot when he ignores her and then he ignores her more 'because she is angry' .. it boils my piss to be honest.

I hope you can find a way to engage.

Personally I think that we should leave autism diagnosis to the professionals and not do it over an internet forum.

That’s not what she said

So children who actually communicate & are excited about life & all they are learning & want to share it with parents from day to day are now autistic. As difficult as they can be given the degree of attention & stimulation they require to keep them from getting bored & frustrated the answer appears to be counselling & drugs.

If genuine help with coping is required that's understandable possibly with a parents support group or a home help etc. To suggest counselling & drugs are all that's required is questionable. I see neither as a solution if not mentally ill. That's not saying it's definitely not the case with the OP but only a Doctor can decide.

Probably because she’s already overwhelmed and drowning and she doesn’t owe you a personal reply? It’s bad enough her children demanding her attention all day , every day, does a stranger on the internet need to add to it as well?

OP are you working full time? I find that when works over whelming me I can take it out on my DC. When my DC were little we cut our lifestyle back significantly so I could work 3 days a week in a mundane admin role. If I had to work full time, in a stressful role whilst juggling little kids I would have completely snapped!

Regarding parenting classes, our primary school regularly advertises these in the school newsletter. They hold some in the actual school too. It might be worth mentioning that youre interested in these to school receptionist. You dont need to spill your guts to them about why you need them and they wont judge you!

Op I am Interested as to why you haven't responded to.my story about my friend. She had extremely bright & high end physically orientated children now in competitive sport. They demanded her attention from morning till night & were stubborn to the point of screaming if she didn't give in to demands. Her daughter age 5 could talk for Britain. Difficult children can also be highly intelligent & athletic in nature. They are simply harder work than the more laid back passive type. Has this ever crossed your mind as a phase you are better surrendering to.🤔

I’m so sorry. When I used to feel like that then I would make my dh bring them both out for the day. He did it and I used to feel a million times better afterwards. This if what you need. DEFINITELY book the eldest in for more days at nursery. Right now you need to put your oxygen mask on, you’re in no condition to connect with him atm

Sounds like you’re really struggling and it’s good you’ve said something here. If your kids are that young could it be post natal depression? That can carry on for years if not treated. Definitely see a doctor, and definitely be kind to yourself. And don’t let your doctor ignore you. Good luck x

I'd find living with someone who info dumps hard. Like you're just a dustbin for what comes out of their mouths. Almost dehumanising.

Not sure what you could do if it's something they can't change but I know I'd have to disconnect at least some of the time for my own mental health.

OP I agree that you need to look after yourself first here. Take the odd day off for yourself for now.

How fortunate for him he’s been able to do that. Meanwhile someone still has to be a parent.

I’ve read your updates - I took sertraline and swore by it. First few weeks can be rocky but stick with it.

Get off your phone and take them to the park to run off steam every day they’re not at school/nursery. The fresh air and sunshine will help you too. Being at home is the worst.

Seek an assessment for your DS re ASD if not already done so; school can advise when he goes.

OP works part time.

I know it sounds weird but is it possible to for you to go back to some form of part time work and use the money for childcare.

i found just going into work and mixing with adults gave me and the kids a good break. I enjoyed my time with them more.

even if you’re not making a profit, you might find it helps you mentally.

Sorry if you’ve already said, but how old are you? Apparently the nurturing hormones really dip post menopause.

I don’t want to be that person who mentions PND, but I had it and it’s awful - don’t rule it out.

Have you got help at home, grandparents who can help out etc? Parenting young DC is exhausting and often not at all fun. Try and make sure you do something enjoyable with them so you’re not always in a rut of chores and tidying etc. meeting up with friends and their DC always helps me.

I'm confused why you think you might be ND but you're absolutely sure your kids aren't OP? Neurodiversity often runs in families so if you are then there's a far greater chance that one or both of them are.

You say they're fine when they're apart but you say the oldest talks at you in monologues - are you aware that that is very typical autistic behaviour? DS used to do it, it's how I'd get him to go out for a walk, I'd say lets go for a walk and talk about X (his fave topic of the time). We'd go for a walk, he'd talk at me for 30 minutes and I'd go mmm every now and then and ask the odd question so he felt I was interested in him. I had no idea it was a thing at that time and he wasn't diagnosed till several years later. It might not be of course, it might just be him trying to get your attention, but worth considering as a possibility.

Your DD is 2 and so of course that is an impossible age, if she doesn't want to get dressed could she just put a coat or jumper over whatever she's wearing? Pick your battles, this isn't a hill to die on IMO.

Definitely, definitely put your phone away and engage with the kids. Make the most of one being out with dad to do something nice with the other. Go for a walk, play with his toys with him, do something arty, do some simple cooking. The more you engage with him the better his behaviour is likely to be. If you're on you're phone a lot and the only way to get your attention is to play up then that is what they will end up doing.

It sounds like you're really struggling with depression though so please speak to your doctor.

I contacted IAPT for help and explained my circumstances and was offered Web chat therapy where I could book the appointment. There were slots from 5am onwards to very late at night and I could change the appointment as long as it was more than 24 hours notice. I could even send messages to my therapist on the chat if there was anything in particular I wanted to discuss.

Why not ask for that service?

Their behaviour is normal for their age (5 year old is still trying to work out basic stuff so obviously their preoccupations are boring) but I get that it must be tough.
Back in the day parents could send their children out to play, come back at tea time but of course you can’t do that now.

Having a child diagnosed as ND is no miracle cure! But it does teach you why things like sticker charts can make things worse rather than better. Or it’s not, as a different poster suggested, that you’re just not applying the parenting techniques correctly.

It may be that OP has depression, it would be easier to solve if it was all that was going on.

Is anybody neurotypical? I have noticed ( late in life) I will not walk on a crack or in a puddle. Nobody cares. I'm probably neurodivergent. So what? Still have to get through the days.

You haven’t read my replies properly, I didn’t label anybody

You really must get some help with this.

My mother was like you, and it’s literally damaged every relationship I’ve had in my whole life - friends, husband, even my own child in some ways.

Get help so your children can form healthy relationships in later life.

Just because OP is struggling at the moment we shouldn’t immediately label her as neurodivergent. Although I find that almost everyone on MN thinks they or their children are!