This time last year my husband and I decided to take in a lodger. We found a lady who would provide a very good arrangement: she would pay full asking price but only use the room when working. On her days off shed return to her home. The agreement was for 6 months only, and we extended for another six months so not a long term thing. Shes always been respectful, quiet, clean, tidy. No complaints. We let her in to our inner circle - as time progressed conversations became friendlier, shed often share dinner with us, our toddler loves her. Its been a v good balance.
Like i said earlier, this lodger returns home regularly, where she has a long term boyfriend. We always said he was welcome in the house, as well as her family. Said boyfriend visited once (didnt stay), she had an uncle come over for tea and I always said her daughter should come visit. The tenancy agreement has no rules about visitors, theres something vague about how permission is needed for anyone to stay over a week. We never thought it necessary to say anything more about visitors given her personal situation.
About a month ago, she breaks up with her boyfriend (she told me) and literally one week later she rocks up to the house with a man we've never seen or heard of before. We know this because we saw it on our ring camera whilst we were away for the weekend.
She brings him into the house and is critical of our home - that I buy plants and kill them for example (I laughed when I heard her say this and brushed it off but her tone kinda stung).
Then, in the hallway, the guy says something about me drinking j*zz and she laughs (we have another camera in the living room so could hear) then they go upstairs where I can just about hear her begin to criticise something else but the camera stops picking up dialogue. By the way, she knows about the cameras, theyre not hidden. We tell people about them. We put them in to watch our dog initially but left them for security.
My husband was livid and wanted to kick her out but I talked him down, said the money was important, and shed only be around for a few more months. We didnt mention any of this to her. I hoped she wouldnt bring him back.
After this, the guy becomes a permanent fixture - never comes in again, just parks on the road side and takes her. A couple of times hes been outside, with her, when im arriving home with my toddler and she never thought of introducing him to me.
She never mentioned him to us even though shes been seeing him every day for the last month or so.
Last week at home DH, now placated from his anger, jokes around, asks the lodger if she has a new boyfriend, who he is and she tells him his name, what he does, and she is v open. When the guy comes to pick her up DH goes out to meet him, of his own initiative.
Im technically still in the dark.
But im like its a good arrangement. Just suck it up, just a few more months. Im bothered, and dither between giving her notice or letting it be.
A few days ago, she does the hard work for me and gives notice. Great. Shes gone in a month.
However today, we spent the day out. We tell her well be out and guess who comes back in the house? The guy. Annoyingly he parked on our drive when we had planned for the dog walker to use it.
Im really annoyed. I feel like my space has been violated. I dont know this man, and for all i know, she doesnt really either. She was vetoed before being allowed in the house but now the door's been swung open to a man, when we have a little girl with us.
AiBU in confronting her? Im not a confrontational type and feel myself shaking just thinking about the chat itself but I'm 15 weeks pregnant and upset. At this point I dont want him here and want to tell her as much. It all feels so dodgy. Her life is her business as long as it is away from here.