Is lodger being disrespectful?

Shes had this man in your home twice. She hasnt broken her lease terms. You just find him rude (he is) and her hurtful (she was)

Just let it go. You'll be free soon

I have read some of your answers. Do not mention anything about using the drive. You have three weeks to go and your dog walker can manage for that length of time if you tell her the drive may not always be available in that period.

Do not make an issue of it.

Keep things as they are, which is friendly.

On the day she moves out get any locks changed the same day without her knowing that she may have had keys to.

Nothing else matters and ignore anything else. You are entitled to have security in your home regardless of the comments made. You lawfully told her there were cameras. Her problem is not to have remembered not yours.

This is the issue I have with cameras in public rooms like this. It's far too easy to go back and listen to what are essentially private conversations. There's a saying that evesdroppers seldom hear any good of themselves and this sort of thing is why it's frowned on. People are absolutely going to say not 100% nice things about people and that's life. Manners dictate that they don't say it in front of you, but I'm allowed to say things in private and they shouldn't cause diplomatic incidents like this. I think this level of surveillance is psychologically very unhealthy for us. This whole drama would never have happened back in the past.

Stretch to synonyms?

Synonym means that another word for eavesdropping is spying, they are synonymous, they (can) mean the same thing.

If someone doesn’t know you’re watching the videos then you are doing it in secret.

Yes agree to disagree.

The first two paragraphs are irrelevant to whether spying is occurring

eavesdropping: secretly listening in on people’s conversations

well, if you need to stretch to synonyms to make the claim of spying valid, eavesdropping still fails the criteria - because the cameras are both visible and the lodger is aware... i.e. no secrecy

I don't think there's much else to say on this matter, other than delving into the depths of pedantry, which is a complete waste of my time, you can carry on if you want

I think OP is BU only because they've posted on here asking for opinions of others on what they think of her reasonable boundaries

I don't think she's done anything wrong. The agreement didn't say she wasn't allowed visitors, you welcomed her other visitors. She's only invited him in when she's known that you (and your daughter) weren't home, so is being respectful and not bringibg strangers into your child's home.
The parking was a very minor inconvenience (to your dogwalker, not even to you).
She's going in 3 weeks, just keep things pleasant and don't get a new lodger.

I just looked up the word spying and it said “synonyms:
eavesdropping: secretly listening in on people’s conversations”

Considering the OP wasn’t present, it can be assumed that the lodger’s conversation with her visitor was not intended for others to hear. Either way, I agree that I wouldn’t be happy if I did overhear something of that nature about me, but I wouldn’t necessarily be able to do anything about it under these circumstances.

Also, we have no idea how long the lodger has known this man. She might have known him longer than her previous boyfriend. Just because she never brought him round before is irrelevant. The Op invited her lodger’s boyfriend who she didn’t know to come to the house. The only reason she has a problem really is because she heard him say something not very nice about her. Which she wouldn’t have heard if she had stopped watching the videos once she realised it was her lodger entering the house.

You can say I'm missing the point as many times as you like, it adds no further validity to the first time you claimed it

As for your insistence that spying is occurring, here's my most recent post at 18:25

Cambridge Dictionary definition of spying:
"to secretly collect and report information about the activities of another (country or organization)"

Brackets added for obvious reasons

OPs first post includes: By the way, she knows about the cameras, they're not hidden. We tell people about them

i/the cameras are clearly visible, they are not secret or hidden
and surreptitiously collecting info without the lodger's knowledge

ii/the lodger was made fully aware of them and presumably when they came round for the initial visit, prior to signing any lodger's agreement.
She's given her implied consent to live in a place where CCTV is present, else she would have gone elsewhere, no?

iii/OP has stated the lodger has been there 12 months, instead of the original lodging agreement and it is reasonable to expect they have gotten used to the presence of the cameras in the shared areas - else why would they have chosen to stay beyond the initial 6 month agreement?

Points i through iii shows OPs scenario fails to meet the literal criteria for spying

and... if you choose to think I'm calling you names 😇, you're somewhat overestimating your importance

Cambridge Dictionary definition of spying:

"to secretly collect and report information about the activities of another (country or organization)"

Brackets added for obvious reasons

OPs first post includes: By the way, she knows about the cameras, they're not hidden. We tell people about them

i/the cameras are clearly visible, they are not secret or hidden and surreptitiously collecting info without the lodger's knowledge

ii/the lodger was made fully aware of them and presumably when they came round for the initial visit, prior to signing any lodger's agreement.

She's given her implied consent to live in a place where CCTV is present, else she would have gone elsewhere, no?.

iii/OP has stated the lodger has been there 12 months, instead of the original lodging agreement and it is reasonable to expect they have gotten used to the presence of the cameras in the shared areas - else why would they have chosen to stay beyond the initial 6 month agreement?

Points i through iii shows OPs scenario fails to meet the literal criteria for spying

You are missing the point!

Count yourself lucky that I'm not spying on you and can't hear all the names you might be calling me at this moment!

Some really strange comments here.

I wouldn't like the thought of some random man being in my home where my toddler lives, even if we were out at the time. The polite thing to do would have been to mention it to you first.

Okay, keep moving the goalposts

previously you claimed I was missing the point, but my post proves otherwise and you refuse to engage with it and instead have to resort to

SpYiNg

and pEoPlE cAn SaY wHaT rHeY wAnT

and to put you on the straight and narrow, I'm not policing anything

people can say what they want, but I notice they didn't say it to OPs or her husband's face, which is quite typical of the "I will say what I want brigade" 🙂

I don’t think it’s legal to say no visitors. If it went to court, it wouldn’t be legally binding.

edit: this legally depends on whether or not the lodger’s bedroom door has a lock, so ignore me. It may or may not be legal.

People can say what they want. You can't police what people say and think, however crass or disrespectful.

If the OP hadn't been spying she would never have known and would have saved herself a lot of upset.

I suspect op got confused between off road and on road parking and doesn't realise her lodger has permission to use her drive

I’d say the same. I’ve had lodgers for years and barring the odd one they’ve all been lovely- as long as you have clearly written rules and boundaries! I found out the hard way too but you live and learn. One of the funny ones was they started ‘helping’ themselves to things in my house. I don’t mind the occasional bin bag or detergent but if you’re going to turn the dishwasher on for your three items because you can’t be arsed washing up and help yourself to my tablets I’ll be having words about that and a lesson learned to add to the house rules!

You’re rightly feeling put out to have stranger in your house. You have a young family and she knows the dynamic in the house having lived there so long. While she didn’t break any rules she could have politely mentioned it , bringing him in while you’re out suggests she knows you won’t approve of said man but like others said maybe she just needed a shag and chose to do it when you were out. Shes not being unreasonable and neither are you but lessons learned for you. 🫶🏻

I was wondering what jazz was. I assume it's some alcoholic drink that OP likes.

I think the issue is having a lodger and what comes with that is that they may have boyfriends and guests when you are out.

Having a lodger when you have a young child is far from ideal. I understand that the money is good but are there other ways you can save money.

except that's exactly what he did, walked in and made random comments about her sex-life, albeit triggered by the fact his brain saw the liquid concoction

Does the presence of plant food in her own home give someone the right to state she drinks jizz?

instead of telling her new boyfriend to knock it off with the jizz comments in her landlord's home, she laughs - the same lodger that OP had allowed to stay for an extra 6 mths beyond the arrangement and invited her in to their inner circle.

Her husband was livid and wanted to kick her out because of this

Then the entitled plank parks on her driveway

There's a pattern of behaviour from the guy and it says self-absorbed douchebag, while her lodger has taken a turn in the last month or so,

The 2 comments she's upset about are him say she kills her plants, then after he sees the odd eggshell liquid concoction for her struggling orchids in a jar in the fridge he makes the drinking jizz comment. Not anything any of us would like to hear about ourselves but he's not like he just walked in and randomly started making comments about a women's sex life, there was context for his comment, ridiculously immature as it was

Interesting you claim I'm missing the point:

1/ I've copied below the salient section of my original comment in this thread made at 11.48

to make it even easier for you, here's the first few paragraphs from my post

Unfortunately, you've overheard a disrespectful conversation about you in your own home between a soon-to-be ex-lodger and some random bloke she's hitched up with. .

You'd be none the wiser if that interaction between the two happened instead while they were sat in the car,

While I've not said "CCTV", its clearly implied and I'm also directly replying to her OP, where she mentions listening back to the convo via her CCTV.

2/I think its highly unlikely that a lodger of 12 months is going to be unware of the locations of the various CCTV cameras

A person has more right to listen back to conversations caught in their own home made by disrespectful guests than the any implied expectations of privacy in of said guests, stood trash-talking in non-private areas of the house.

The normal response from a lodger, especially one who has been graciously invited into the home-owner's inner family circle, would've been:

>Your landlord drinks jizz

>Don't be saying that, this is her home and she's alright really

Instead her lodger laughed

If you don't want to get caught 'accidentally' shit-talking your landlord, don't 'accidentally' shit-talk in their home when they have CCTV cameras around the place.

Hope that sufficiently covers off all salient points for you

I think you are missing a point.

If she hadn't been spying, she would have no knowledge of the 'plant killer jizz drinking' comments. She'd be none the wiser.

At some point OP & husband would have decided to watch what is on the CCTV - which effectively is spying. It's OK having it for the dog, but they didn't watch it for the dog, but to spy on the lodger.

Let's watch the CCTV and see what are lodger got up to while we were out.

I don't think the issue is the plants thing though, is it?

I've carefully not mentioned it previously, but seen as the general tone is minimisation of events, the main trigger for the OP's thread is the scrotey bloke saying she drinks jizz while stood in her hallway.

As said, its about having basic respect for someone when your stood in their home.

Also, there are some weird comments on here basically acussing her of spying on people, with one person saying the next step would be her having CCTV in the lodger's bedroom, which is just hyperbolic fantasy to minimise the behaviour

The 90% opinion poll proves nothing other than many have decided "wah, CCTV in your own home and you've listened to their conversation, you're spying on people" is worse than having guests in your home shit-talk you behind your back, shows the woeful standards many purport to live by,

or perhaps many people just enjoy a Reddit-esque Sunday pile-on for their cheap dopamine rush?

My best guess is the lodger has given due cause, possibly only on a gut level, for the OP and her partner to start playing closer attention to someone who is largely unknown to them, other than she's previously rented a room without issue

Yeh I think she’s been really respectful. Hasn’t had him in the house with you/your child - waited until you are out? She sounds like a great lodger - I doubt you’ll get anyone that doesn’t upset you.

Are you American? That level of self-righteousness …