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AIBU?

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AIBU to feel blindsided after my partner ended our 16-year relationship?

207 replies

Blindsided2026 · 13/06/2026 15:03

Name changed for privacy.

While my partner of 16 years was at work yesterday, he texted to say he's come to the decision that he wants to leave me. He's already rented a flat, and will be staying at a hotel first for a few days.

I am 10 years older than him, cannot have sex at the moment because I have horrible gynae issues, which ARE being sorted, but it's dragged on for so long. Years. I try my best in that department but when you bleed 3 weeks out of 4, and your tummy is bloated with cysts, you don't feel sexy.

He said in the message that he's been with me since his 20s, is now 40, and can't do it anymore. He wants time and space to see what's out there.

I might sound calm but I am in absolute bits.

When he got home yesterday, it was only to pack and leave again. He was crying and wanted a hug. I told him to get the fk out. He'd clearly had time to process this. I hadn't.

He came back again today unannounced to pack more things, then left again. He's told me exactly where he's staying. He's worked out what he'll keep paying for at home.

In summary=

No kids, not married, a houseful of cats and dogs, and like I say, together almost 16 years. Been through miscarriages, parental deaths, milestone birthdays, losing one of our dogs, you name it. We train together, we just do everything together. I don't really have many good friends. House is in my name.

I left London and my family network for this man. I am now stuck up here in the north with zero support.

All I have done since he told me yesterday is sit on the floor.

Just, when will this get better, if ever? There was absolutely no sign anything was wrong. He's been happy as Larry! Even on the morning he went to work yesterday, we were joking and laughing. What do I do now?

He says there's no one else but made it clear he wants to date.

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/06/2026 15:17

He can still feel sad and sorry, it's over OP.
Of course you're blindsided. It was a cowardly way to end it as there was no discusssion. However, people do it like that for different reasons. I'd take charge and get legal advice then proceed with divorce quickly.

Reptilesthatiswhattheyare · 13/06/2026 15:12

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Blindsided2026 · 13/06/2026 15:10

Not sure about moving back. I've been priced out.

The one thing I've said to him is "there's someone else" and he's absolutely adamant there isn't. His own family was ripped apart by cheating, but that could be why's he's ended it so suddenly. Cos then he's not technically cheating is he?

Nope, no arguments, no sign, nothing. Laughing and messing about 3 hours before he texted. We have holidays booked and paid off this year, concerts booked.

Edit to add, yes I work full time from home, about 11 hours a day.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 13/06/2026 15:07

I think he is right to end it if he is unhappy.

I’m so sorry this has come as a shock to you.
Was there no signs whatsoever? Had he been in his phone more, or did you have any inkling lately that there was someone at work he has been talking more about?

Reptilesthatiswhattheyare · 13/06/2026 15:06

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Reptilesthatiswhattheyare · 13/06/2026 15:05

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Preppyprepper · 13/06/2026 15:05

There will be someone else, either that he's got his eye on or is having an affair with.
Look after yourself, it's hard but you will recover and be fine. Do you want to move back to London?