AIBU to feel blindsided after my partner ended our 16-year relationship?

There are no details about the partner here being "drained " and nothing to say he was guilt tripped. He didn't even explain himself face to face after 16 years. No one would excuse that no matter the genders of the parties.

This is pretty much what went wrong in my marriage. We spent 10 years trying to get me pregnant, several hormone treatments followed by two failed rounds of IVF which resulted in me having a total breakdown. A couple of years later he met someone else and that was the end of our marriage.
At the time I was devastated but really it was for the best.

Sadly I think you are right. At 39 he can meet a younger woman and have a family. That desire might have increased with age, especially if his contemporaries are all having children. It’s a kick in the teeth because it’s not for better for worse, as marriage should be. But in your shoes, I wouldn’t trust him any more. I wouldn’t try to salvage anything. Close that door in as civil a way as you can muster, give your wounds time to heal and then someone else will come into your life who gives you the love you deserve.

It's not the man's sex life though, it's the couples sex life. It would be the same issue if the male partner couldn't have sex. Also as I say my husband and I have had several years out of the 20 we've been together where sex hasn't been an option for health reasons but at all times we were both clear it was frustrating for Both us and that we both really wanted to get back to it and also our relationship and intimacy definitely suffered. Not because he was an arse or coercive or sex mad or anything or because I am but because we both get a lot from that intimacy

😩😂 TFFT really

Well, he’s a coward. He text you it’s over instead of having the balls yo tell you yo your face. I smell a rat.
Glad you own the house, which means he can’t make a claim on it. I’d be packing his stuff up and putting it out!

yes, you're wrong.

It really frustrates me when a woman is having gynae issues that the man’s sex life is discussed - well, he will be missing it, imagine how he feels.
I am going through similar as the OP and it’s horrible. It’s like grief sometimes for a system that once worked reasonably well and then it’s just a mess. OP sounds really healthy and takes good care of herself.
However, this man has been with her since his very early 20s. He’s now 40. Something has moved the dial. It could be someone else, he wants to be a dad, it could be a combination of things but delivering that message the way he did was immature and unkind, to say the least.

Yep you are wrong. People are really struggling with the ages on here today 😅

Hold on
your nearly 40, so let’s say 40 he’s 30 but you’ve been together for 16 years, that puts him at 13 and 23 when you met.

Am I wrong?

Almost 16 years together is what she said

Why is it hugely disappointing? If I was in relationship in my 30s (not married, no kids), and my partner was unable to have sex with me for many years, for whatever reason, I would absolutely leave. There is nothing wrong with that.

I now think I extrapolated it from 'when we were 25/35 it was fun' and '16 years together'

It tells you at the bottom of the post if it’s been edited and you can click on and read the origional, and it’s not been edited.

I think it's been edited because I'm 100% sure I read that initially

Does it? I’ve read it like 4 times now and I can’t see any reference to her being in her 50s? 50 is likely obviously but I don’t think she’s suggested she’s older

If he left you over lack of sex through no fault of your own then he's hugely disappointing. Gynae waiting lists are insane in this country and he should've supported you, not blamed you, if that's the case. Please please don't blame any of that on you.

Sorry about your news OP. All I can say is be really kind to yourself, do whatever you need to do to get through it. It will become less painful with time and of course you're going to be ok but it's just tough going. Sending hugs.

I'm sure people who move to London for a partner and then go through a breakup can feel 'stuck down in the South'. I don't think she was implying people in the North are inferior, just that she's now all alone with no network around her.

If my husband I split is consider myself stuck in scotland. Despite the fact I love it here I'm far from family. I ultimately built a life her for him though. I don't think she's slagging the north

I find it odd that long term couples don’t seem to talk, no discussion about your health, the lack of sex, his want of a family??
Hes either met someone a good bit younger or finds a clean break easiest rather than a confrontation, MN always advises women to walk away from sexless relationships and do what’s best for them, his only fault was the blunt way he’s done this.

I'm sorry, OP. Such a devastating thing to go through. At least your home is your own and you're not having to scrabble to find somewhere new.